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Twist of Faith

Struggle After Suicide | Twist of Faith

February 26, 2025 | S1:E1

Struggle After Suicide | Twist of Faith
New York Times best-selling author Rick Warren and his wife, Kay, open up about the devastating loss of their son, Matthew, to suicide. In this deeply personal conversation, they share how their faith was tested—and ultimately transformed—through unimaginable grief. Joined by suicidologist Dr. Stacy Freedenthal, they shed light on the painful realities of losing a loved one to suicide while offering comfort, understanding, and hope to those who are struggling.
#MentalHealth #Religion #Celebrity #Family #inActive #Suicide #Anxiety #Loss #Tragedy #Depression #Grief #Documentary

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Twist of Faith | Struggle After Suicide | Twist of Faith | February 26, 2025
  • - today's twist
  • 00:00:00.187 --> 00:00:01.622
  • - of faith speaks about suicide from a family member's
  • 00:00:01.622 --> 00:00:04.025
  • Perspective, it may not be suitable for sensitive viewers
  • 00:00:04.025 --> 00:00:08.062
  • Or the very young
  • 00:00:08.062 --> 00:00:13.467
  • - comedian.
  • 00:00:13.801 --> 00:00:15.069
  • Robin williams was found dead this morning
  • 00:00:15.069 --> 00:00:16.404
  • Inside his northern california home.
  • 00:00:16.404 --> 00:00:18.973
  • It is with extraordinary sadness
  • 00:00:19.607 --> 00:00:21.208
  • That we can confirm the death of our friend and colleague.
  • 00:00:21.208 --> 00:00:23.411
  • - every time i hear about escalating suicide rates in our
  • 00:00:23.411 --> 00:00:26.580
  • Nation, a cold chill runs through my body.
  • 00:00:26.580 --> 00:00:29.917
  • In her new york apartment this morning,
  • 00:00:29.917 --> 00:00:31.519
  • Police believe it's a case of suicide.
  • 00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:33.621
  • They've gone up like 60% for adolescents.
  • 00:00:33.621 --> 00:00:37.158
  • One july morning in 2010, this epidemic struck my own
  • 00:00:37.158 --> 00:00:41.362
  • - family in elmhurst, illinois.
  • 00:00:41.362 --> 00:00:43.364
  • This morning, a children's heart
  • 00:00:43.364 --> 00:00:45.032
  • And lung doctor died by suicide.
  • 00:00:45.032 --> 00:00:47.635
  • - that doctor was my older brother, hannie heine,
  • 00:00:48.636 --> 00:00:52.206
  • A world renowned surgeon who saved hundreds of young lives.
  • 00:00:52.206 --> 00:00:56.744
  • I had no idea.
  • 00:00:57.111 --> 00:00:58.712
  • And so that was for me.
  • 00:00:59.213 --> 00:01:02.383
  • You know, what could i have done more?
  • 00:01:02.383 --> 00:01:05.319
  • Did we not take him seriously enough for years?
  • 00:01:05.319 --> 00:01:09.623
  • I could not talk about the pain
  • 00:01:09.623 --> 00:01:11.258
  • And the shame i felt until i heard another news story.
  • 00:01:11.258 --> 00:01:15.463
  • - warren announced that his youngest son, matthew,
  • 00:01:16.497 --> 00:01:18.499
  • Committed suicide.
  • 00:01:18.499 --> 00:01:20.267
  • - my first thought was, what has happened is
  • 00:01:21.168 --> 00:01:24.672
  • What i prayed would never happen.
  • 00:01:24.672 --> 00:01:27.441
  • - what good did my prayers do?
  • 00:01:27.441 --> 00:01:29.176
  • What good did it do to have faith
  • 00:01:29.176 --> 00:01:31.679
  • - suicide?
  • 00:01:31.979 --> 00:01:33.447
  • It's been termed by some people a special kind of death
  • 00:01:33.447 --> 00:01:35.783
  • Or a special kind of loss
  • 00:01:35.783 --> 00:01:37.818
  • Because there added layers of complexity.
  • 00:01:37.818 --> 00:01:41.522
  • - you don't get over this, you get through it.
  • 00:01:41.522 --> 00:01:44.458
  • - how do we find healing for our deepest trauma?
  • 00:01:44.458 --> 00:01:47.828
  • It's the struggle after suicide. on today's twist of faith,
  • 00:01:47.828 --> 00:01:57.010
  • It's the struggle after suicide. on today's twist of faith,
  • 00:01:57.010 --> 00:01:57.287
  • - kay and rick - warren know all too well.
  • 00:01:58.155 --> 00:02:00.657
  • The daily dread of living with a loved one
  • 00:02:00.657 --> 00:02:03.193
  • Who suffers from depression
  • 00:02:03.193 --> 00:02:05.762
  • - is every phone call a call where this is the one
  • 00:02:06.796 --> 00:02:09.032
  • Where he says goodbye or,
  • 00:02:09.032 --> 00:02:10.567
  • Or someone tells us that they found, i mean, it's, it's
  • 00:02:10.567 --> 00:02:13.170
  • So horrible to live in
  • 00:02:13.170 --> 00:02:16.006
  • That traumatic hypervigilance that,
  • 00:02:16.006 --> 00:02:19.843
  • That we lived in for so long.
  • 00:02:19.843 --> 00:02:21.511
  • - the vigilance soared to alarm on the morning
  • 00:02:21.511 --> 00:02:24.614
  • Of april 5th, 2013,
  • 00:02:24.614 --> 00:02:26.950
  • When matthew did not answer their phone calls.
  • 00:02:26.950 --> 00:02:29.719
  • - and that was very unusual 'cause we stayed really close in
  • 00:02:30.887 --> 00:02:32.455
  • Contact with each other, and we drove over to his house.
  • 00:02:32.455 --> 00:02:35.759
  • His car was in the driveway, the door
  • 00:02:35.759 --> 00:02:38.195
  • To his house was locked.
  • 00:02:38.195 --> 00:02:39.829
  • And finally we had to call the police to come and,
  • 00:02:39.829 --> 00:02:42.899
  • And break the door down to find the inevitable
  • 00:02:42.899 --> 00:02:50.340
  • - police.
  • 00:02:50.640 --> 00:02:51.641
  • Confirmed the inevitable news.
  • 00:02:51.641 --> 00:02:53.577
  • They dreaded most their youngest child had
  • 00:02:53.577 --> 00:02:56.980
  • Taken his own life.
  • 00:02:56.980 --> 00:02:59.115
  • - and i remember standing there in that driveway
  • 00:03:00.083 --> 00:03:03.086
  • With kay hugging each other, and we are sobbing.
  • 00:03:03.086 --> 00:03:07.290
  • Sobbing. and it was
  • 00:03:07.757 --> 00:03:11.995
  • The most painful moment of our lives without a doubt.
  • 00:03:11.995 --> 00:03:15.098
  • - a moment when this couple
  • 00:03:15.699 --> 00:03:17.634
  • Who helped millions build the foundations
  • 00:03:17.634 --> 00:03:19.769
  • Of their faith experience, their own struggle to believe.
  • 00:03:19.769 --> 00:03:24.874
  • - and kay reached down.
  • 00:03:25.375 --> 00:03:26.943
  • She was wearing a necklace that, and it said, choose joy.
  • 00:03:26.943 --> 00:03:30.046
  • And she held that up.
  • 00:03:30.046 --> 00:03:31.514
  • - choose joy. and i thought,
  • 00:03:32.115 --> 00:03:36.720
  • How do you choose joy when your heart is breaking
  • 00:03:36.720 --> 00:03:40.757
  • In a thousand pieces?
  • 00:03:40.757 --> 00:03:42.659
  • How do you have joy in that kind of situation?
  • 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:49.499
  • - matthew was our youngest of three,
  • 00:03:50.267 --> 00:03:52.535
  • And we knew just pretty quickly
  • 00:03:52.535 --> 00:03:55.171
  • That he was very different than his older siblings.
  • 00:03:55.171 --> 00:03:58.041
  • He was super emotional.
  • 00:03:58.041 --> 00:03:59.676
  • I mean, he was the kid that would throw candy land,
  • 00:03:59.676 --> 00:04:02.846
  • You know, he wasn't gonna play it.
  • 00:04:02.846 --> 00:04:04.247
  • If he lost, he was gonna throw the game and then cry
  • 00:04:04.247 --> 00:04:08.385
  • And not, and you know, not be able to console.
  • 00:04:08.385 --> 00:04:10.020
  • So it was extremely moody and emotional.
  • 00:04:10.020 --> 00:04:15.325
  • - at age 12, matthew gave his first ideation of suicide
  • 00:04:16.459 --> 00:04:20.864
  • And struggled with these thoughts throughout his
  • 00:04:20.864 --> 00:04:23.233
  • Teenage years.
  • 00:04:23.233 --> 00:04:24.734
  • - when matthew was 17, he came to me
  • 00:04:25.502 --> 00:04:28.471
  • And the tears in his eyes
  • 00:04:28.471 --> 00:04:30.073
  • And he said, dad, it's real obvious.
  • 00:04:30.073 --> 00:04:32.375
  • I'm not gonna get well. we've been to the best doctors.
  • 00:04:32.375 --> 00:04:37.714
  • I've taken the best medicines. we've had the best therapist.
  • 00:04:38.915 --> 00:04:41.651
  • I'm just not gonna get well.
  • 00:04:41.651 --> 00:04:43.253
  • Why can't i die now and go to heaven?
  • 00:04:43.253 --> 00:04:47.857
  • - some people, they're embarrassed to tell others
  • 00:04:48.858 --> 00:04:51.361
  • That their loved one died by suicide.
  • 00:04:51.361 --> 00:04:53.763
  • They have shame. they may feel that they failed to help
  • 00:04:53.763 --> 00:04:58.401
  • - suicidologist, dr.
  • 00:04:58.868 --> 00:05:00.236
  • Stacy ental dedicated her life
  • 00:05:00.236 --> 00:05:02.706
  • And research to understanding these complexities,
  • 00:05:02.706 --> 00:05:06.142
  • Not only from her patients, but also from their loved ones.
  • 00:05:06.142 --> 00:05:10.113
  • - there's so many negative stereotypes about suicide,
  • 00:05:11.181 --> 00:05:13.450
  • And they may feel like their loved one will be judged
  • 00:05:13.450 --> 00:05:16.820
  • Or maybe they'll be judged.
  • 00:05:16.820 --> 00:05:18.488
  • - i think i didn't talk about it 'cause i felt ashamed.
  • 00:05:18.488 --> 00:05:21.891
  • That's your first feeling like our family did wrong.
  • 00:05:22.926 --> 00:05:25.528
  • I did something wrong. he's not this great surgeon anymore.
  • 00:05:25.528 --> 00:05:29.466
  • You lose, you lose like an identity.
  • 00:05:29.466 --> 00:05:32.068
  • My family and handy's coworkers like lisa gilmore knew my
  • 00:05:32.068 --> 00:05:36.706
  • Brother was depressed.
  • 00:05:36.706 --> 00:05:38.942
  • - and you think that, oh, maybe he's going
  • 00:05:38.942 --> 00:05:41.344
  • Through a hard time.
  • 00:05:41.344 --> 00:05:42.712
  • Maybe he's got other things on his mind.
  • 00:05:42.712 --> 00:05:45.815
  • You just kind of brush it away.
  • 00:05:46.449 --> 00:05:48.218
  • - our family brushed my brother's emotions away.
  • 00:05:49.185 --> 00:05:52.055
  • No one knew the depths of his depression.
  • 00:05:52.055 --> 00:05:54.524
  • Even his lifelong friends like greg mobley.
  • 00:05:54.524 --> 00:05:57.994
  • - i, i was stunned and began googling
  • 00:05:57.994 --> 00:06:03.233
  • And trying to get to the story.
  • 00:06:03.867 --> 00:06:05.635
  • And then immediately on the phone to my siblings,
  • 00:06:05.635 --> 00:06:09.873
  • We were all just stunned.
  • 00:06:09.873 --> 00:06:11.741
  • - all of us play over in our heads what happened?
  • 00:06:12.675 --> 00:06:18.014
  • And could we have done something different?
  • 00:06:18.915 --> 00:06:19.849
  • Could we have made a difference?
  • 00:06:19.849 --> 00:06:21.151
  • Could we have made him change his mind?
  • 00:06:21.151 --> 00:06:24.187
  • So i think there is a guilt that i live with every day
  • 00:06:24.187 --> 00:06:27.190
  • That i'm sure we all do.
  • 00:06:27.190 --> 00:06:29.292
  • Even if we thought that this was something he would've done,
  • 00:06:29.292 --> 00:06:32.896
  • I don't, i don't know that
  • 00:06:33.463 --> 00:06:36.633
  • There was anything in anybody's power except his
  • 00:06:37.634 --> 00:06:40.303
  • To change the outcome.
  • 00:06:40.303 --> 00:06:42.839
  • - he was passionate, he was energetic.
  • 00:06:43.640 --> 00:06:47.811
  • I never saw him at low tide.
  • 00:06:47.811 --> 00:06:52.048
  • He was a very intense,
  • 00:06:52.048 --> 00:06:57.320
  • Energetic person.
  • 00:06:57.754 --> 00:07:01.858
  • - an intensity that at times came out in erratic behavior.
  • 00:07:03.026 --> 00:07:07.864
  • - i never saw henny down,
  • 00:07:07.864 --> 00:07:11.234
  • But i saw an anger inside him.
  • 00:07:11.234 --> 00:07:14.804
  • I don't know where it came from.
  • 00:07:14.804 --> 00:07:17.106
  • I saw an impulsiveness inside him
  • 00:07:17.106 --> 00:07:20.477
  • As if he could in a moment
  • 00:07:20.477 --> 00:07:24.247
  • Act out in some way.
  • 00:07:24.714 --> 00:07:26.583
  • There was something a little bit unpredictable about hanny.
  • 00:07:27.750 --> 00:07:30.520
  • - his playful and charming personality would suddenly change
  • 00:07:31.788 --> 00:07:35.859
  • To someone serious, solemn and sad.
  • 00:07:35.859 --> 00:07:40.129
  • - and so you kind of take a step back
  • 00:07:40.129 --> 00:07:41.731
  • And give him space and time.
  • 00:07:41.731 --> 00:07:43.933
  • You don't realize
  • 00:07:43.933 --> 00:07:46.169
  • How sad he was on the inside.
  • 00:07:46.169 --> 00:07:49.639
  • - hani eventually sought help,
  • 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:52.375
  • But the emotional stability his medication
  • 00:07:52.375 --> 00:07:54.878
  • Provided came at a price.
  • 00:07:54.878 --> 00:07:58.548
  • - he felt like his hands shook in the operating room.
  • 00:07:58.548 --> 00:08:01.484
  • So despite the fact
  • 00:08:01.484 --> 00:08:02.986
  • That he felt like it might have been helping his mood,
  • 00:08:02.986 --> 00:08:05.855
  • He was worried about the lives of the children that he might
  • 00:08:05.855 --> 00:08:10.026
  • Be able to save or not be able to save
  • 00:08:10.026 --> 00:08:12.362
  • Because of the medication.
  • 00:08:12.362 --> 00:08:14.130
  • - on july 2nd, 2010,
  • 00:08:14.597 --> 00:08:17.567
  • 54-year-old hannah heine who had a troubled marriage, deep
  • 00:08:18.735 --> 00:08:23.373
  • Distress and what seemed to him a bleak future,
  • 00:08:24.307 --> 00:08:27.744
  • Gave up on his life.
  • 00:08:27.744 --> 00:08:33.011
  • Gave up on his life.
  • 00:08:33.011 --> 00:08:44.210
  • Did you ever feel like god
  • 00:08:44.778 --> 00:08:45.912
  • - failed you?
  • 00:08:45.912 --> 00:08:47.180
  • And do you feel like god failed matthew?
  • 00:08:47.180 --> 00:08:48.815
  • I felt like god had let me down.
  • 00:08:48.815 --> 00:08:50.517
  • I had prayed so passionately
  • 00:08:50.517 --> 00:08:52.485
  • And there are some things that i don't understand.
  • 00:08:52.485 --> 00:08:54.588
  • I don't, i will never understand why
  • 00:08:54.588 --> 00:08:57.324
  • Matthew died when he did.
  • 00:08:57.324 --> 00:08:58.625
  • And i don't understand why god didn't stop him.
  • 00:08:58.625 --> 00:09:00.694
  • I don't know where was god on that moment?
  • 00:09:00.694 --> 00:09:05.031
  • - why now? why here? why me? why this?
  • 00:09:05.832 --> 00:09:09.536
  • - of course he was with matthew, but why didn't he stop him?
  • 00:09:10.704 --> 00:09:12.906
  • Did matthew think about us in those last moments?
  • 00:09:12.906 --> 00:09:16.242
  • Did it hurt? i mean, all the things that just rip my heart.
  • 00:09:17.410 --> 00:09:22.449
  • - even jesus asked why on the cross
  • 00:09:23.183 --> 00:09:25.852
  • With his arms outstretched.
  • 00:09:25.852 --> 00:09:27.587
  • He says, my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?
  • 00:09:28.622 --> 00:09:32.292
  • If it's okay for jesus to ask why, then it's okay
  • 00:09:32.292 --> 00:09:35.362
  • For you to ask why.
  • 00:09:35.362 --> 00:09:39.232
  • - there's a lot of different mourning signs
  • 00:09:40.100 --> 00:09:43.003
  • And risk factors that we can recognize,
  • 00:09:43.003 --> 00:09:45.905
  • And one is definitely voicing a desire to die
  • 00:09:45.905 --> 00:09:50.810
  • Or to end one's life.
  • 00:09:50.810 --> 00:09:53.213
  • They may say things like, i'm, i'm just a burden.
  • 00:09:53.213 --> 00:09:56.616
  • You know, people would be better off without me.
  • 00:09:56.616 --> 00:09:59.219
  • - dr. fried andal says, to pay attention
  • 00:10:00.053 --> 00:10:02.288
  • To comments like these,
  • 00:10:02.288 --> 00:10:03.857
  • Even when they seem like casual jokes.
  • 00:10:03.857 --> 00:10:06.393
  • For example, documentarian, anthony bourdain, who died
  • 00:10:06.393 --> 00:10:10.196
  • By suicide, foreshadowed his
  • 00:10:10.196 --> 00:10:12.666
  • - intentions.
  • 00:10:12.666 --> 00:10:14.434
  • Somebody went through
  • 00:10:14.434 --> 00:10:15.735
  • And looked at different interviews he had done,
  • 00:10:15.735 --> 00:10:17.604
  • And they found like 45 different times where on film
  • 00:10:17.604 --> 00:10:22.909
  • He, or in an interview that was recorded,
  • 00:10:23.777 --> 00:10:25.445
  • He referenced killing himself.
  • 00:10:25.445 --> 00:10:27.580
  • He also sometimes referred to method
  • 00:10:27.580 --> 00:10:29.716
  • And he sometimes referred to a location,
  • 00:10:30.550 --> 00:10:33.019
  • And that's exactly what he carried out.
  • 00:10:33.019 --> 00:10:36.256
  • - other warning signs include depression,
  • 00:10:36.256 --> 00:10:38.291
  • Giving things away.
  • 00:10:38.291 --> 00:10:40.026
  • But some clues are harder to recognize,
  • 00:10:40.026 --> 00:10:43.363
  • - feeling that they've let somebody down
  • 00:10:44.197 --> 00:10:46.766
  • That they haven't amounted to anything regret
  • 00:10:46.766 --> 00:10:50.470
  • They have regret about things they did
  • 00:10:50.470 --> 00:10:52.839
  • Or didn't do in their life.
  • 00:10:52.839 --> 00:10:54.607
  • Some kind of negative energy towards themselves.
  • 00:10:54.607 --> 00:10:59.579
  • - while my brother demonstrated compassion for the infants
  • 00:11:00.714 --> 00:11:03.216
  • And their families,
  • 00:11:03.216 --> 00:11:04.751
  • He rarely demonstrated grace for himself.
  • 00:11:04.751 --> 00:11:08.888
  • - failure was never an option for him ever.
  • 00:11:08.888 --> 00:11:12.292
  • And to admit depression,
  • 00:11:12.792 --> 00:11:17.063
  • To give into, i need medication to
  • 00:11:17.063 --> 00:11:21.868
  • Give into, i need help.
  • 00:11:22.368 --> 00:11:25.038
  • That would be admitting failure to him.
  • 00:11:25.038 --> 00:11:28.174
  • - what kind of pushes someone over the edge is there's a
  • 00:11:29.309 --> 00:11:32.512
  • Phenomenon when someone's in an acutely suicidal place
  • 00:11:32.512 --> 00:11:36.483
  • Where they, they have, they have tunnel vision,
  • 00:11:36.483 --> 00:11:39.085
  • And it's like all they can see is
  • 00:11:39.085 --> 00:11:42.489
  • This option to, in their life
  • 00:11:43.123 --> 00:11:45.058
  • And everything else is outside of their awareness.
  • 00:11:45.058 --> 00:11:48.461
  • - eventually, ha didn't even want to engage in
  • 00:11:48.461 --> 00:11:51.698
  • What he loved the most.
  • 00:11:51.698 --> 00:11:53.600
  • - he didn't wanna be in the operating room, which is always
  • 00:11:54.768 --> 00:11:56.803
  • What made him happy.
  • 00:11:56.803 --> 00:11:58.705
  • He didn't find joy in what he was doing,
  • 00:11:58.705 --> 00:12:02.308
  • And i couldn't put my finger on this is depression.
  • 00:12:02.308 --> 00:12:05.712
  • That's what this is.
  • 00:12:05.712 --> 00:12:07.247
  • - deep depression and abiding pain.
  • 00:12:08.047 --> 00:12:10.517
  • Our family did not understand.
  • 00:12:10.517 --> 00:12:14.721
  • - i don't think anybody really wants to die.
  • 00:12:15.622 --> 00:12:18.491
  • What they want is relief.
  • 00:12:18.491 --> 00:12:22.629
  • It's not like they're trying to leave life.
  • 00:12:23.563 --> 00:12:26.065
  • They're trying to leave the pain.
  • 00:12:26.065 --> 00:12:27.834
  • - there's a myth that if somebody's made up their mind
  • 00:12:28.935 --> 00:12:31.905
  • To die by suicide,
  • 00:12:31.905 --> 00:12:33.173
  • Then there's nothing you can do to stop them.
  • 00:12:33.173 --> 00:12:35.608
  • I understand that it could be comforting to think
  • 00:12:35.608 --> 00:12:39.946
  • That if you've lost somebody to suicide,
  • 00:12:39.946 --> 00:12:43.116
  • But it's can also be damaging when somebody is suicidal
  • 00:12:43.116 --> 00:12:48.454
  • - free, dhal says, to alleviate their pain, we need
  • 00:12:49.522 --> 00:12:51.891
  • To ask directly, do you have thoughts of suicide?
  • 00:12:51.891 --> 00:12:56.262
  • - it's scary, you know, it's scary to talk with someone
  • 00:12:57.363 --> 00:13:00.400
  • That you care about who's having thoughts
  • 00:13:00.400 --> 00:13:02.068
  • Of ending their life,
  • 00:13:02.068 --> 00:13:03.169
  • And you're gonna have fears like
  • 00:13:03.169 --> 00:13:06.840
  • Of saying the wrong thing of giving the person the idea.
  • 00:13:06.840 --> 00:13:10.176
  • Which by the way, there's research that shows
  • 00:13:10.176 --> 00:13:12.345
  • That's not a reality.
  • 00:13:12.345 --> 00:13:14.614
  • But the reality is, anyone can have these conversations.
  • 00:13:14.614 --> 00:13:18.284
  • You know, it's, it's about listening
  • 00:13:18.284 --> 00:13:20.987
  • And it's about inviting people to share more
  • 00:13:20.987 --> 00:13:24.424
  • And really trying to understand, like listening
  • 00:13:24.424 --> 00:13:29.195
  • With curiosity rather than with judgment or with an agenda.
  • 00:13:29.195 --> 00:13:33.900
  • - the wrong thing to do is to try
  • 00:13:34.634 --> 00:13:36.169
  • To talk people out of their pain.
  • 00:13:36.169 --> 00:13:38.571
  • Come on, cheer up and,
  • 00:13:39.072 --> 00:13:40.573
  • And some of the stupidest things that people will say
  • 00:13:40.573 --> 00:13:43.810
  • To you when you're in pain, like, well,
  • 00:13:43.810 --> 00:13:45.545
  • You still have two other kids, you think that's helpful?
  • 00:13:45.545 --> 00:13:51.784
  • - there's a website, suicide safety plan.com, and,
  • 00:13:52.819 --> 00:13:57.523
  • And it's a safety plan that clinicians use,
  • 00:13:57.523 --> 00:14:00.727
  • But everyone can use this.
  • 00:14:00.727 --> 00:14:03.496
  • The plan involves three steps.
  • 00:14:03.496 --> 00:14:05.765
  • First, involve other people, assuming it's not an emergency
  • 00:14:05.765 --> 00:14:10.436
  • Where you do need to involve other people immediately
  • 00:14:10.436 --> 00:14:14.440
  • We can talk with them about ways they can stay safe.
  • 00:14:14.440 --> 00:14:17.243
  • - second, talk to them about their warning signs
  • 00:14:18.211 --> 00:14:21.114
  • And create a plan to distract them.
  • 00:14:21.114 --> 00:14:24.050
  • - they may be experiencing a suicidal crisis,
  • 00:14:24.050 --> 00:14:26.920
  • Whether things they can do
  • 00:14:26.920 --> 00:14:28.421
  • To distract themselves if they're experiencing a suicidal
  • 00:14:28.421 --> 00:14:31.591
  • Crisis, whether places they can go
  • 00:14:31.591 --> 00:14:35.228
  • Or people they can turn to, to distract themselves,
  • 00:14:35.228 --> 00:14:38.731
  • And who are people they can turn to for help.
  • 00:14:38.731 --> 00:14:41.901
  • And third, create a safe environment free of weapons,
  • 00:14:42.936 --> 00:14:47.807
  • Because what we want is to slow people down so
  • 00:14:48.708 --> 00:14:51.377
  • That they're not impulsively, and i don't mean impulsively.
  • 00:14:51.377 --> 00:14:55.248
  • Like one day they wake up and say, i wanna die.
  • 00:14:55.248 --> 00:14:57.483
  • And they killed themselves. i mean,
  • 00:14:57.483 --> 00:14:58.985
  • Impulsively like they may have been thinking about it
  • 00:14:58.985 --> 00:15:00.653
  • For many months and then all of a sudden they're like,
  • 00:15:00.653 --> 00:15:02.689
  • I gotta do this.
  • 00:15:02.689 --> 00:15:04.357
  • And if they can be slowed down,
  • 00:15:04.357 --> 00:15:06.893
  • That can save their life in some cases.
  • 00:15:06.893 --> 00:15:09.929
  • - and i managed somehow to just say, buddy,
  • 00:15:10.830 --> 00:15:12.932
  • That's, that's really sad.
  • 00:15:12.932 --> 00:15:15.535
  • I'm so sorry that you hurt like that.
  • 00:15:15.535 --> 00:15:18.204
  • - in dedication to matthew kay started hope
  • 00:15:19.072 --> 00:15:21.741
  • For mental health, a foundation that breaks the barrier
  • 00:15:21.741 --> 00:15:25.078
  • Of shame revolving around mental illness.
  • 00:15:25.078 --> 00:15:28.982
  • - the day matthew died, i had this fleeting thought
  • 00:15:30.049 --> 00:15:33.152
  • Of my whole ministry just changed.
  • 00:15:33.152 --> 00:15:35.054
  • You know, i, i will move to being an advocate for people
  • 00:15:35.054 --> 00:15:38.791
  • With mental illness and for suicide prevention.
  • 00:15:38.791 --> 00:15:41.294
  • Most importantly, we want you to know
  • 00:15:42.095 --> 00:15:43.329
  • That there's always hope.
  • 00:15:43.329 --> 00:15:44.764
  • Your life matters.
  • 00:15:44.764 --> 00:15:46.599
  • There's so much stigma around suicide
  • 00:15:46.599 --> 00:15:49.469
  • That people are ashamed to talk about it
  • 00:15:49.469 --> 00:15:51.871
  • And people are ashamed to talk
  • 00:15:51.871 --> 00:15:53.573
  • That they have suicidal thoughts.
  • 00:15:53.573 --> 00:16:01.647
  • - rebuilding hope in my own life began
  • 00:16:02.448 --> 00:16:05.351
  • With an unexpected visit.
  • 00:16:05.351 --> 00:16:08.921
  • Hey, hi. jamie ette
  • 00:16:09.389 --> 00:16:11.858
  • And his mother christie came to tell me
  • 00:16:11.858 --> 00:16:14.494
  • How important my brother was to them.
  • 00:16:14.494 --> 00:16:17.096
  • - hi, jamie, how are you? i truly believe if it was not
  • 00:16:17.096 --> 00:16:21.567
  • For him, i wouldn't have jamie.
  • 00:16:21.567 --> 00:16:24.170
  • I just really feel like he saved his life,
  • 00:16:24.170 --> 00:16:26.339
  • - right?
  • 00:16:26.339 --> 00:16:27.607
  • Yeah. so i, i always wanted to meet him.
  • 00:16:27.607 --> 00:16:29.208
  • And then i wanted to meet you to find out what he was like.
  • 00:16:29.208 --> 00:16:31.844
  • And
  • 00:16:31.844 --> 00:16:33.312
  • - jamie was born with a congenital heart defect
  • 00:16:34.247 --> 00:16:37.150
  • And underwent heart surgery.
  • 00:16:37.150 --> 00:16:39.218
  • It just so happened my brother h specialized in newborn
  • 00:16:40.286 --> 00:16:43.456
  • Cardiothoracic procedures.
  • 00:16:43.456 --> 00:16:46.359
  • - i had read about him somewhere
  • 00:16:46.359 --> 00:16:50.263
  • Where they had a listing of the best surgeons.
  • 00:16:50.263 --> 00:16:53.566
  • They said he was one of 23 surgeons
  • 00:16:53.566 --> 00:16:56.202
  • Who could repair his heart, right?
  • 00:16:56.202 --> 00:16:58.771
  • - hanni was a helicopter flight away,
  • 00:16:58.771 --> 00:17:01.240
  • And the very next day he performed a 10 hour surgery
  • 00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:05.078
  • Replacing jamie's pulmonary valve.
  • 00:17:05.078 --> 00:17:07.980
  • - i think one of the reasons that i was so successful in
  • 00:17:09.115 --> 00:17:13.019
  • Healing from from this was
  • 00:17:13.586 --> 00:17:15.221
  • Because he gave me an adult cadaver valve instead of a,
  • 00:17:15.221 --> 00:17:18.891
  • A pediatric valve.
  • 00:17:18.891 --> 00:17:20.460
  • Wow. so i was able grow into my valve, and i still have it.
  • 00:17:20.460 --> 00:17:24.397
  • - that night, the dr. heine came in our rooms.
  • 00:17:25.331 --> 00:17:27.900
  • He said, you have a strapping young man,
  • 00:17:27.900 --> 00:17:31.270
  • And there is nothing else wrong with him.
  • 00:17:31.270 --> 00:17:33.506
  • - jamie did grow up to be a strapping young man.
  • 00:17:34.474 --> 00:17:37.510
  • His visit brought a little bit of my brother's life back.
  • 00:17:37.510 --> 00:17:40.947
  • To me, there has to be a god for him to have done
  • 00:17:40.947 --> 00:17:44.884
  • - what he did with jamie,
  • 00:17:44.884 --> 00:17:46.552
  • - i've realized how lucky i was to make it this far in life,
  • 00:17:46.552 --> 00:17:50.223
  • And that made me confirm there is a higher
  • 00:17:50.223 --> 00:17:54.961
  • Power that is watching over all of us.
  • 00:17:54.961 --> 00:17:57.463
  • - what you're doing is you're returning the gift to me.
  • 00:17:57.463 --> 00:17:59.732
  • Maybe it's life, maybe it's inspiration
  • 00:17:59.732 --> 00:18:01.701
  • That you're giving back to me and my family.
  • 00:18:01.701 --> 00:18:05.071
  • - as little as we knew him,
  • 00:18:05.671 --> 00:18:07.373
  • And in just that aspect of, of the doctor, the surgeon,
  • 00:18:07.373 --> 00:18:11.444
  • We loved him too.
  • 00:18:11.444 --> 00:18:15.481
  • He gave us a huge gift.
  • 00:18:15.982 --> 00:18:23.156
  • - the other thing i would say that can help people get
  • 00:18:24.223 --> 00:18:26.726
  • Through suicide loss is to,
  • 00:18:26.726 --> 00:18:31.264
  • To try to remember the before.
  • 00:18:31.264 --> 00:18:35.535
  • For so many people, the death dominates their memory,
  • 00:18:35.535 --> 00:18:40.873
  • And that's all they're able to think of is
  • 00:18:41.774 --> 00:18:43.910
  • How the person died and not how the person lived.
  • 00:18:43.910 --> 00:18:48.214
  • - my only brother h heine left the world with a huge gift.
  • 00:18:49.382 --> 00:18:53.386
  • He grew up in kenya where our parents served as missionaries
  • 00:18:54.587 --> 00:18:57.957
  • And he often returned there
  • 00:18:57.957 --> 00:18:59.458
  • To perform free heart surgeries for children.
  • 00:18:59.458 --> 00:19:03.429
  • - he loved the people there.
  • 00:19:03.429 --> 00:19:04.931
  • He loved being able to show us where he grew up.
  • 00:19:04.931 --> 00:19:07.800
  • There was an emotional piece about him when he was there
  • 00:19:08.935 --> 00:19:11.537
  • That i can't describe.
  • 00:19:11.537 --> 00:19:13.773
  • He was so comfortable there
  • 00:19:13.773 --> 00:19:16.576
  • And so glad to be giving
  • 00:19:16.576 --> 00:19:17.843
  • Back that made him happy.
  • 00:19:17.843 --> 00:19:22.949
  • - at the manta hospital in kenya hangs a plaque dedicated
  • 00:19:24.083 --> 00:19:27.620
  • To his service where he performed over 300
  • 00:19:27.620 --> 00:19:32.091
  • Surgeries every year.
  • 00:19:32.091 --> 00:19:36.362
  • I'm gonna be honest with you, i have not been able
  • 00:19:37.396 --> 00:19:39.699
  • To talk about my brother.
  • 00:19:39.699 --> 00:19:40.967
  • It's too painful. but when i saw the two
  • 00:19:40.967 --> 00:19:43.169
  • Of you come out right away, i went, well,
  • 00:19:43.169 --> 00:19:46.472
  • If the warrens can do it,
  • 00:19:46.472 --> 00:19:47.907
  • Certainly the heine family can do this.
  • 00:19:47.907 --> 00:19:50.509
  • - jesus can turn crucifixions into resurrections.
  • 00:19:51.544 --> 00:19:54.580
  • He can take the darkest, dark spots in our life
  • 00:19:55.514 --> 00:19:59.452
  • And actually even use them for good.
  • 00:19:59.452 --> 00:20:01.954
  • - when i stand at the cemetery
  • 00:20:01.954 --> 00:20:03.689
  • And i'm standing at my son's grave, i say
  • 00:20:03.689 --> 00:20:07.193
  • That verse one corinthians 1543.
  • 00:20:07.193 --> 00:20:10.263
  • It says, these bodies are buried in brokenness,
  • 00:20:11.264 --> 00:20:15.434
  • But they will be raised in glory.
  • 00:20:15.434 --> 00:20:20.373
  • Matthew, you were buried in brokenness,
  • 00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:23.609
  • But you'll be raised in glory.
  • 00:20:23.609 --> 00:20:26.112
  • You, you were buried in weakness, my son,
  • 00:20:26.112 --> 00:20:28.614
  • But you will be raised in strength.
  • 00:20:28.614 --> 00:20:33.252
  • - there is no pit so deep in life
  • 00:20:33.986 --> 00:20:37.990
  • That god's love is not deeper.
  • 00:20:37.990 --> 00:20:40.059
  • I honestly don't know how people make it through the traumas
  • 00:20:41.227 --> 00:20:44.897
  • Of life without being connected to the creator who made them
  • 00:20:44.897 --> 00:20:48.501
  • And loved them and sent his son to die for them.
  • 00:20:48.501 --> 00:20:51.137
  • That kind of faith means you will handle
  • 00:20:51.137 --> 00:20:56.075
  • What happens in life with grief.
  • 00:20:56.075 --> 00:20:59.078
  • Deep, deep grief, but you will handle it
  • 00:20:59.945 --> 00:21:03.082
  • Because you're not handling it on your own.
  • 00:21:03.082 --> 00:21:06.018
  • And that's where you say, god, i don't have all the answers,
  • 00:21:06.018 --> 00:21:10.923
  • But i will trust you.
  • 00:21:11.424 --> 00:21:11.424