When Parents Connect | Better Together | TBN

When Parents Connect | Better Together

Watch When Parents Connect | Better Together
March 17, 2020
26:00

Are we making time to connect with the children in our lives? Are we modeling healthy communication? When we give kids time and safe spaces breakthrough happens! | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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When Parents Connect | Better Together

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  • - Are you givingyour family the gift
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  • of your attention and presence?
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  • How we connect willimpact a child's
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  • sense of security,identity, and social skills.
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  • How can we make thechildren in our lives
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  • feel valued and heard?
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  • Let's talk about it.
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  • (mellow theme music)
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  • - So of my fivechildren, my second son
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  • really took me for aloop because he was born,
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  • his birth was difficult, aroundthe age of two years old,
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  • he wasn't talking so westarted going through that.
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  • Is he autistic and all that.
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  • And he ended up goingto a pre-school class
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  • for children with disabilities.
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  • He didn't speak in fullsentences until he was five.
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  • I mean, it was--
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  • and still, to this day,he's certainly quirky.
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  • But I'll never forget oneof the language therapists
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  • that I took him to,
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  • that she said,
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  • "No, he's not autistic,"
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  • and she gave me someother diagnosis, but
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  • the point is she said,
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  • "I want you to work at justgetting into his world."
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  • She said,
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  • "He's trying tocommunicate with you
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  • "and eventually, he'lllearn how to do that.
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  • "But in the meantime, youwanna keep him interested
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  • "in communicating with you."
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  • And I'll never forget we were
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  • at a church program called TheOne, I know many of y'all--
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  • - I used to love The One.
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  • - Predicated on the kidssaying their verses.
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  • And so he's going toclass and you know,
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  • just the kid whowasn't really involved.
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  • Well I found out thatif they write words
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  • that they were simpleor draw pictures,
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  • he could still memorizethe order of the cards.
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  • So we would teach himscriptures with the words
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  • or pictures on cards and hewould take the cards to class.
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  • And his engagement with us
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  • and even that classwent through the roof
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  • because he had figuredout a way to communicate,
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  • even though hedidn't have words.
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  • And in my parentingjourney, I think that
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  • our kids are always tryingto communicate with us.
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  • And even if it's nota matter of words,
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  • or ability, or disability,as human beings,
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  • it's built in to ourDNA to wanna be seen,
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  • to have connection, and whoelse do we want that with more
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  • than with our parents?
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  • And so our job asparents is to figure out
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  • how we can get intotheir world and connect.
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  • Now, right now, it'sdriving me crazy
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  • because I have teenage boyswho want me to watch them
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  • play Fortnite, youknow what I mean?
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  • (laughter)
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  • I don't wanna do that.
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  • You know what Imean, I don't wanna--
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  • or, you know, the moviesthat they wanna watch
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  • are not the movies that,you know, we watch all the--
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  • you know, like romanticcomedies with our teenage girls
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  • and the boys, you know,
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  • the more dramatic andtraumatic it is, the better.
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  • And I had to remind myself
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  • what they're looking foris connecting with me
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  • and I have to--
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  • - Just be in it with you.
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  • - Just get into theirworld and be interested
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  • in what they're interestedeven if I'm not.
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  • Because what I'mcommunicating with them
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  • is that I'm here forwhat you have to say.
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  • - Absolutely.
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  • - You know?
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  • And the conversation willchange but if I wanna get
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  • to the conversationsthat I wanna have,
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  • I gotta start withthe conversations
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  • they wanna have.
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  • It's challenging becausewhen you have multiple kids--
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  • you've got five kids,you've got two, I mean,
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  • you know, when you'rebusy, when you're working,
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  • and you've got attentionthat you're trying to give
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  • to your spouse, or yourjob, you're trying to do
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  • all things well,connecting with them is,
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  • it does, it takes energy.
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  • Especially when you'renot interested, youknow what I mean?
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  • - [Women] Right.
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  • - Or they're not wired like you.
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  • - Or they're not wiredlike you are, you know?
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  • I've got hither to tither,introvert extrovert,
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  • all the things.
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  • - And you know, withboys especially, that
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  • non-direct eyecontact communication
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  • is so huge for them.
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  • So I have foundlike with my son,
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  • sitting shoulder toshoulder versus eye to eye
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  • is very different.
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  • If I look at him and I'm like,
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  • "How was your day?"
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  • He said,
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  • "Eh, it was good,"
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  • You know?
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  • But shoulder toshoulder when we're not
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  • looking at each other.
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  • If I pick him up fromschool and he's in
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  • the back seat, just.
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  • It's just sodifferent 'cause girls
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  • want you to look intotheir soul, you know?
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  • And boys are like, okay.
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  • - Please don'tlook into my soul.
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  • I'm still dealing with thefact that I have a soul.
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  • I don't know if I wantyou to see my soul.
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  • - This is awkward and are yougetting me pizza right now?
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  • You know, so.
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  • I have learned that that moment
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  • where he's like,
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  • "Come watch this with me,"
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  • and I'm like,
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  • (sighs)
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  • But when I get on thecouch, he'll be like,
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  • "And mom, and thenthe other time..."
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  • and just bleh, bleh, bleh.
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  • So the gender thing,the personality thing,
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  • it's changed my perspective.
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  • I have found that my son
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  • is a super brightand intelligent kid.
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  • But his cognitive reasoningis a little different.
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  • So I will ask him a question,
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  • "Why did you do this?
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  • "Why did you make this mess?
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  • "Why did you destroy thishanger because you wanted to see
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  • "how many parts youcould break it into?"
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  • And he'll just be like,
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  • "Eh,
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  • "it was cool?"
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  • You know, so he reallydoesn't always have
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  • a whole lotta explanation.
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  • But my daughter,who is just three
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  • will give me allthe explanation.
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  • She'll be like,
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  • "Because I wanted tosee how it worked,
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  • "or it ripped, and ittore, and then I wanted
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  • "to put it back together,"
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  • just a whole lotta explanation.
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  • And her ability toconnect the dots,
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  • so if people aren'thome when we get home,
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  • she knows instantly,here's where Joah might be.
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  • He has soccer, ishe at swimming?
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  • Does he have homework?
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  • Like she startsasking these questions
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  • and she just turned three.
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  • And so finding thatthey're both intelligent
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  • and smart kids but theway they communicate
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  • and process is different.
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  • And oddly enough, my sonis the emotional one.
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  • So he's super sweet andloving and tons of affection
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  • and my daughter's like,
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  • "I'm good.
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  • "That one hug two days ago,I'm still good from that."
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  • So it's beeninteresting watching
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  • their different temperaments,they way they process,
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  • my daughter loves wordslike a lotta women do.
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  • My son, certain amount of wordsand he's looking at me like,
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  • "You're still saying words."
  • 00:06:05.421 --> 00:06:07.590
  • So just trying to figureout how to communicate,
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  • and love them, andparent them well
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  • according to howthey're both wired
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  • has been fun, to say the least.
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  • - But it's also suchan adventure, I think,
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  • because I came tomotherhood so late.
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  • You know, I became a mom at 50
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  • so I went through motherhoodand menopause the same year.
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  • That I would have beena totally different mom
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  • in my twenties andthirties because
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  • I would have wantedMissy to be like me.
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  • - I know, the Lordsaved my children.
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  • - I'm just so delightedthat she's like her.
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  • And so--
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  • and then all thethings you're saying.
  • 00:06:39.622 --> 00:06:41.090
  • Literally, in our family 'causeMissy didn't speak English.
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  • So I had to learn differentways to communicate
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  • and different ways tosee her perspective.
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  • One of the first thingsshe started doing
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  • when she learnedEnglish was we'd be like
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  • at the Chick-Fil-Aplayground and I'd see
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  • little kids coming offafter being with Missy,
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  • running to their mamas crying.
  • 00:06:58.274 --> 00:06:59.675
  • And I found out pretty quickly,Missy's a real sweet kid
  • 00:06:59.675 --> 00:07:02.612
  • but she was saying,
  • 00:07:02.612 --> 00:07:04.313
  • "Did your mama die?
  • 00:07:04.313 --> 00:07:05.281
  • "Is your mama gonna die?"
  • 00:07:05.281 --> 00:07:06.816
  • And these little kids are like,
  • 00:07:06.816 --> 00:07:08.551
  • "Mom, are you gonna die?"
  • 00:07:08.551 --> 00:07:09.785
  • And they'd comeup and I was like,
  • 00:07:09.785 --> 00:07:11.187
  • "Baby, you know, you can't--"
  • 00:07:11.187 --> 00:07:13.256
  • - That's not anicebreaker question.
  • 00:07:13.256 --> 00:07:15.057
  • - But because herfirst mama died,
  • 00:07:16.225 --> 00:07:18.694
  • that's her perspective onlife is my first mama died,
  • 00:07:18.694 --> 00:07:23.165
  • this is my mamablonde, my white mama,
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  • I love her so much, didyour first mama die?
  • 00:07:25.301 --> 00:07:28.137
  • And so she didn'thave enough English,
  • 00:07:28.137 --> 00:07:30.206
  • she would scare these littlefour and five year-old kids.
  • 00:07:30.206 --> 00:07:32.675
  • But it was so interesting to go,
  • 00:07:32.675 --> 00:07:34.777
  • "Baby, let's talk about that,"
  • 00:07:34.777 --> 00:07:37.013
  • 'cause from her littleworld, that's foundational.
  • 00:07:37.013 --> 00:07:40.249
  • And to go, okay, wecan work with that.
  • 00:07:40.249 --> 00:07:42.919
  • But to find her voice insteadof giving her my voice
  • 00:07:42.919 --> 00:07:47.023
  • has been so lovely.
  • 00:07:47.023 --> 00:07:47.256
  • - Our kids cannotconnect with us
  • 00:07:47.857 --> 00:07:49.825
  • at our level of communication.
  • 00:07:49.825 --> 00:07:53.629
  • They cannot.
  • 00:07:53.629 --> 00:07:55.064
  • So they're not learningEnglish, but they're learning
  • 00:07:55.064 --> 00:07:56.832
  • how to communicate via English,
  • 00:07:56.832 --> 00:07:59.035
  • if that's the languagethat you speak
  • 00:07:59.035 --> 00:08:00.369
  • primarily in your home.
  • 00:08:00.369 --> 00:08:01.637
  • What they're learning,what they're thinking,
  • 00:08:01.637 --> 00:08:03.639
  • how they're feeling andthey're learning it, you know?
  • 00:08:03.639 --> 00:08:06.175
  • Which is even, you know,
  • 00:08:06.175 --> 00:08:07.610
  • when you're talking aboutcorrecting your kids
  • 00:08:07.610 --> 00:08:09.545
  • and connecting with themeven in the correction,
  • 00:08:09.545 --> 00:08:12.582
  • it's saying to them,
  • 00:08:12.582 --> 00:08:14.784
  • "You know what?
  • 00:08:14.784 --> 00:08:16.018
  • "I understand whatyou're trying to say
  • 00:08:16.018 --> 00:08:17.286
  • "but that's not theway you should say it.
  • 00:08:17.286 --> 00:08:20.189
  • "Let me teach you howyou should say that."
  • 00:08:20.189 --> 00:08:21.891
  • Just the other day,my youngest son
  • 00:08:21.891 --> 00:08:24.293
  • asked my husband to buysomething on Amazon.
  • 00:08:24.293 --> 00:08:26.896
  • And he probably caught myhusband at the wrong time
  • 00:08:26.896 --> 00:08:29.699
  • and my husband knee jerk said,
  • 00:08:29.699 --> 00:08:31.434
  • "No, I'm not doing that."
  • 00:08:31.434 --> 00:08:32.835
  • And he came to me crying'cause I sent him to my husband
  • 00:08:32.835 --> 00:08:35.571
  • so I wouldn't have to do it.
  • 00:08:35.571 --> 00:08:36.539
  • My heart was saying yes,
  • 00:08:36.539 --> 00:08:37.907
  • I just couldn'tdo it right then.
  • 00:08:37.907 --> 00:08:40.343
  • Mommy, you would've doneit and Daddy won't do it.
  • 00:08:40.343 --> 00:08:42.111
  • (laughter)
  • 00:08:42.111 --> 00:08:43.112
  • And I was thinking,
  • 00:08:43.112 --> 00:08:44.647
  • "This is a moment where Ican go talk to my husband
  • 00:08:44.647 --> 00:08:46.849
  • "on behalf of my son and Ican just take care of it,
  • 00:08:46.849 --> 00:08:49.619
  • "or I can teach my son howto talk to my husband."
  • 00:08:49.619 --> 00:08:52.955
  • So I said,
  • 00:08:52.955 --> 00:08:53.956
  • "You know what?
  • 00:08:53.956 --> 00:08:55.191
  • "I really don't thinkhe minds doing that,
  • 00:08:55.191 --> 00:08:56.659
  • "but would you explain it to--
  • 00:08:56.659 --> 00:08:58.227
  • "I bet you if yougo to him and say,
  • 00:08:58.227 --> 00:08:59.795
  • "Dad, I know Ialready asked you this
  • 00:08:59.795 --> 00:09:02.498
  • "but this is why thisis important to me.
  • 00:09:02.498 --> 00:09:05.301
  • "Even if you don't have timenow, could you do it later?"
  • 00:09:05.301 --> 00:09:08.671
  • And he said,
  • 00:09:08.671 --> 00:09:09.505
  • "He's gonna say no,"
  • 00:09:09.505 --> 00:09:10.373
  • I said,
  • 00:09:10.373 --> 00:09:11.641
  • "You never know ituntil you try it."
  • 00:09:11.641 --> 00:09:13.175
  • He went and talked to himand he came back, he said,
  • 00:09:13.175 --> 00:09:13.976
  • "He said he'll do it,"
  • 00:09:13.976 --> 00:09:14.744
  • and I thought,
  • 00:09:14.744 --> 00:09:15.745
  • "In that moment,
  • 00:09:15.745 --> 00:09:16.979
  • "I taught him howto communicate."
  • 00:09:16.979 --> 00:09:20.883
  • - Right.
  • 00:09:20.883 --> 00:09:22.118
  • - The whole timeyou're parenting,
  • 00:09:22.118 --> 00:09:23.386
  • you're teaching them howto communicate with you,
  • 00:09:23.386 --> 00:09:26.522
  • with other people, andwith themselves because
  • 00:09:26.522 --> 00:09:29.392
  • they don't have the words.
  • 00:09:29.392 --> 00:09:31.427
  • - I believe it isso important to
  • 00:09:31.427 --> 00:09:34.163
  • teach your children how toconnect with other people.
  • 00:09:34.163 --> 00:09:36.866
  • And when I amconnecting with them,
  • 00:09:36.866 --> 00:09:40.269
  • I'm being intentional ongetting in their world
  • 00:09:40.269 --> 00:09:43.773
  • but then also teachingthem how to communicate
  • 00:09:43.773 --> 00:09:46.609
  • even though itmight be something
  • 00:09:46.609 --> 00:09:48.144
  • that doesn't comenatural for them.
  • 00:09:48.144 --> 00:09:51.881
  • Like one of the ladies howher child would do better
  • 00:09:51.881 --> 00:09:55.985
  • side by side and notstraight on conversation.
  • 00:09:55.985 --> 00:09:58.988
  • I have, my son islike that, however,
  • 00:09:58.988 --> 00:10:01.891
  • when he goes out into the world,
  • 00:10:01.891 --> 00:10:03.459
  • I need him to know youlook people in their eye
  • 00:10:03.459 --> 00:10:05.895
  • and you talk to them.
  • 00:10:05.895 --> 00:10:07.096
  • So I'll have certaincommunications with him
  • 00:10:07.096 --> 00:10:10.266
  • but then I'll sit and I'm like,
  • 00:10:10.266 --> 00:10:11.867
  • "Okay, look me inmy eye, talk to me,
  • 00:10:11.867 --> 00:10:14.837
  • "how do you feel about this?
  • 00:10:14.837 --> 00:10:16.305
  • "Hold your head up, you know,be confident in yourself,"
  • 00:10:16.305 --> 00:10:19.375
  • and so it's likeI am telling him
  • 00:10:19.375 --> 00:10:22.111
  • that how he feelsmatters, you know,
  • 00:10:22.111 --> 00:10:24.346
  • how he feels matters andthen I'm also telling him
  • 00:10:24.346 --> 00:10:27.249
  • I'm not trying to tellyou not to be who you are,
  • 00:10:27.249 --> 00:10:31.520
  • but you have to learn howto connect with people
  • 00:10:31.520 --> 00:10:33.923
  • where they are as well
  • 00:10:33.923 --> 00:10:35.791
  • so this is why wedo both things.
  • 00:10:35.791 --> 00:10:38.928
  • I'm connecting with youand I'm teaching you
  • 00:10:38.928 --> 00:10:40.863
  • how to connect with others.
  • 00:10:40.863 --> 00:10:42.131
  • - But you know whatI love too, Chrystal,
  • 00:10:42.131 --> 00:10:44.233
  • is you're teachingthem that they matter.
  • 00:10:44.233 --> 00:10:46.335
  • - Yes.
  • 00:10:46.335 --> 00:10:47.169
  • - You're not saying,
  • 00:10:47.169 --> 00:10:48.137
  • "Son, you can't talk like that,"
  • 00:10:48.137 --> 00:10:49.338
  • or,
  • 00:10:49.338 --> 00:10:50.606
  • "Well, your dadsays no, I say--"
  • 00:10:50.606 --> 00:10:51.841
  • it's not this, it's youmatter enough for me
  • 00:10:51.841 --> 00:10:53.909
  • to keep engaging--
  • 00:10:53.909 --> 00:10:55.377
  • - It's that patience.- And keep asking questions
  • 00:10:55.377 --> 00:10:56.746
  • because for me, thebiggest principle
  • 00:10:56.746 --> 00:10:59.982
  • about Biblicalparenting is Imago Dei.
  • 00:10:59.982 --> 00:11:02.651
  • They bear God's image.
  • 00:11:02.651 --> 00:11:04.820
  • And so let me valuethat she's his daughter
  • 00:11:04.820 --> 00:11:09.091
  • more than she's my kid.
  • 00:11:09.091 --> 00:11:10.926
  • I get to shepard,I get to steward,
  • 00:11:10.926 --> 00:11:13.496
  • but how can I value mychild with discipline
  • 00:11:13.496 --> 00:11:17.366
  • when she's not my bestfriend, she's my child.
  • 00:11:17.366 --> 00:11:19.902
  • I get to be the parent.
  • 00:11:19.902 --> 00:11:21.137
  • God has allowed you tosteward them and to me,
  • 00:11:21.137 --> 00:11:23.873
  • what you're doing withall your kids is saying
  • 00:11:23.873 --> 00:11:26.275
  • in real practicalways, you matter.
  • 00:11:26.275 --> 00:11:29.445
  • (mellow music)
  • 00:11:29.445 --> 00:11:31.347
  • - Listen, let's stay connected.
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  • getting better together.- Better together.
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  • (mellow music)
  • 00:11:54.203 --> 00:11:56.305
  • - For me, I have my,you know, I have my kids
  • 00:11:56.305 --> 00:11:58.808
  • but then I also foster.
  • 00:11:58.808 --> 00:12:00.242
  • So for me, even forpeople who may be watching
  • 00:12:00.242 --> 00:12:03.445
  • who don't have kids thatthey're raising 24/7,
  • 00:12:03.445 --> 00:12:08.117
  • I have kids that comeand go that I have
  • 00:12:08.117 --> 00:12:10.319
  • to quickly connect withto help them to, you know,
  • 00:12:10.319 --> 00:12:13.355
  • to do, you know, to do better.
  • 00:12:13.355 --> 00:12:15.024
  • And I had one little girl,
  • 00:12:15.024 --> 00:12:16.959
  • oh, she was the sweetestthing but she was four
  • 00:12:16.959 --> 00:12:20.930
  • and she could not speak.
  • 00:12:20.930 --> 00:12:22.164
  • But she knew so many songs.
  • 00:12:22.164 --> 00:12:24.733
  • And I realized, I'm like,
  • 00:12:24.733 --> 00:12:26.101
  • "How do you knowsongs but you can't
  • 00:12:26.101 --> 00:12:28.470
  • "put a sentence together?"
  • 00:12:28.470 --> 00:12:29.939
  • And I would do her hair and face
  • 00:12:30.940 --> 00:12:33.075
  • and make her feel reallygood and once I realized
  • 00:12:33.075 --> 00:12:35.377
  • she was singing, I wouldsing everything to her.
  • 00:12:35.377 --> 00:12:38.147
  • We made songs aboutwashing our hands
  • 00:12:38.147 --> 00:12:40.349
  • and songs about takingcare of ourselves
  • 00:12:40.349 --> 00:12:43.252
  • and she stayed withme maybe for a month,
  • 00:12:43.252 --> 00:12:45.187
  • but her dad and hersocial worker was like,
  • 00:12:45.187 --> 00:12:49.625
  • "She is 10 times better
  • 00:12:49.625 --> 00:12:52.027
  • "than when, you know--"
  • 00:12:52.027 --> 00:12:53.696
  • - [Chrystal] 'Causeyou got into her world.
  • 00:12:53.696 --> 00:12:54.730
  • - You got into her world.
  • 00:12:54.730 --> 00:12:56.298
  • So for people who may just belike, kids' ministry teachers,
  • 00:12:56.298 --> 00:12:59.902
  • it's like if you just payattention to that child
  • 00:12:59.902 --> 00:13:02.905
  • for a little bit, I believeHoly Spirit gives us enough
  • 00:13:02.905 --> 00:13:05.507
  • to find that spark where wecan capture their attention
  • 00:13:05.507 --> 00:13:09.945
  • and where we can,
  • 00:13:09.945 --> 00:13:10.946
  • we can cultivateit and you know,
  • 00:13:10.946 --> 00:13:13.482
  • the way their world justlike, shifts when you give
  • 00:13:13.482 --> 00:13:17.353
  • enough attention to meetthem where they are,
  • 00:13:17.353 --> 00:13:21.090
  • they absolutely love it.
  • 00:13:21.090 --> 00:13:22.925
  • - You have to get intoyour child's world because
  • 00:13:22.925 --> 00:13:26.829
  • that is one of the ways,
  • 00:13:26.829 --> 00:13:28.664
  • a very important waythat you can tell them
  • 00:13:28.664 --> 00:13:32.334
  • that you like themfor who they are
  • 00:13:32.334 --> 00:13:35.571
  • and not just becauseyou like who they are
  • 00:13:35.571 --> 00:13:39.008
  • as it relates to whoyou want them to be.
  • 00:13:39.008 --> 00:13:41.677
  • If you only get into their world
  • 00:13:41.677 --> 00:13:45.314
  • when it's your world, thenwhat you're communicating
  • 00:13:45.314 --> 00:13:47.917
  • to them is what's ofinterest to them, or
  • 00:13:47.917 --> 00:13:50.953
  • how they're built,or what they love,
  • 00:13:50.953 --> 00:13:52.988
  • you don't care about.
  • 00:13:52.988 --> 00:13:54.823
  • What if you really don't care
  • 00:13:54.823 --> 00:13:57.626
  • about the thing?
  • 00:13:57.626 --> 00:13:59.094
  • By being involved in the thing,what you tell your child is,
  • 00:13:59.094 --> 00:14:02.665
  • it doesn't matterwhat the thing is.
  • 00:14:02.665 --> 00:14:05.567
  • I care about you.
  • 00:14:05.567 --> 00:14:07.136
  • And ultimately, that's whatyour kids need to know.
  • 00:14:07.136 --> 00:14:11.006
  • Do you want them to hearyou when you're giving them
  • 00:14:11.006 --> 00:14:13.108
  • wise council, when you'reteaching them the Bible,
  • 00:14:13.108 --> 00:14:16.178
  • when you're teachingthem wisdom?
  • 00:14:16.178 --> 00:14:17.746
  • They need to know thatyou value them in order
  • 00:14:17.746 --> 00:14:20.783
  • to be wide open to receive it.
  • 00:14:20.783 --> 00:14:23.052
  • And when you get into theirworld and show an interest
  • 00:14:23.052 --> 00:14:25.921
  • in what they love, you'retelling them I love you
  • 00:14:25.921 --> 00:14:29.425
  • even if you'redifferent than me.
  • 00:14:29.425 --> 00:14:32.294
  • And that leaves them wideopen to receiving wisdom
  • 00:14:32.294 --> 00:14:36.332
  • from you even when thatwisdom that you have
  • 00:14:36.332 --> 00:14:39.201
  • is different than the wisdomthey think they wanna receive.
  • 00:14:39.201 --> 00:14:42.104
  • to flow freely.
  • 00:14:42.204 --> 00:14:42.471
  • - If you're an auntieor an uncle, I mean,
  • 00:14:43.172 --> 00:14:44.707
  • grandparent, even ifyou don't have your own,
  • 00:14:44.707 --> 00:14:48.110
  • the people whoinfluence my kids,
  • 00:14:48.110 --> 00:14:49.712
  • I still want them tothink the same way.
  • 00:14:49.712 --> 00:14:51.780
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:14:51.780 --> 00:14:53.182
  • - So my son is extremelyextroverted, but highly emotive,
  • 00:14:53.182 --> 00:14:56.852
  • and relational, and justsweet, sweet, sweet,
  • 00:14:56.852 --> 00:14:59.588
  • and loves all thetouches and the hugs
  • 00:14:59.588 --> 00:15:01.657
  • and I got a limit, you know?
  • 00:15:01.657 --> 00:15:03.759
  • And I think it's funnythat the Lord gave me him
  • 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:06.095
  • 'cause sometimes I'm like,
  • 00:15:06.095 --> 00:15:06.929
  • "All right, baby.
  • 00:15:06.929 --> 00:15:07.863
  • "That's the 18th hug today."
  • 00:15:07.863 --> 00:15:09.331
  • And he'll be like,
  • 00:15:09.331 --> 00:15:10.432
  • "Huggy, one more kiss,"
  • 00:15:10.432 --> 00:15:12.034
  • you know, he justwants all of it.
  • 00:15:12.034 --> 00:15:13.035
  • And I had to really slow down.
  • 00:15:13.035 --> 00:15:15.637
  • 'Cause I'm like,
  • 00:15:15.637 --> 00:15:16.638
  • (clears throat)
  • 00:15:16.638 --> 00:15:17.673
  • Yes.
  • 00:15:17.673 --> 00:15:18.907
  • In my mind, I haveto tell myself,
  • 00:15:18.907 --> 00:15:19.575
  • "You know what?
  • 00:15:19.575 --> 00:15:20.376
  • "The day's gonna come
  • 00:15:20.376 --> 00:15:21.577
  • "where he doesn't wanta hug and a kiss."
  • 00:15:21.577 --> 00:15:22.511
  • And my husband goes,
  • 00:15:22.511 --> 00:15:23.445
  • "No, it's not.
  • 00:15:23.445 --> 00:15:24.613
  • "He's gonna alwayswant a hug and a kiss."
  • 00:15:24.613 --> 00:15:25.280
  • (laughter)
  • 00:15:25.280 --> 00:15:26.048
  • I'm like,
  • 00:15:26.048 --> 00:15:27.282
  • "Okay well maybe yeah,if that doesn't happen."
  • 00:15:27.282 --> 00:15:28.717
  • But it's been a challengefor me to slow down
  • 00:15:28.717 --> 00:15:31.954
  • because I'm not superaffectionate like that.
  • 00:15:31.954 --> 00:15:34.690
  • My daughter who is threealready has her personality
  • 00:15:34.690 --> 00:15:38.894
  • and my son will kiss,kiss, kiss, and she'll go,
  • 00:15:38.894 --> 00:15:41.030
  • "Brother, that's enough.
  • 00:15:41.030 --> 00:15:42.398
  • "All right, that's enough,"
  • 00:15:42.398 --> 00:15:44.199
  • you know, and I'm like,
  • 00:15:44.199 --> 00:15:45.467
  • "You're right, Chloe,it's a lot, isn't it?"
  • 00:15:45.467 --> 00:15:46.735
  • You know, so I haveto be careful 'cause
  • 00:15:46.735 --> 00:15:49.038
  • I'm trying to tell her,
  • 00:15:49.038 --> 00:15:50.572
  • "That's okay, Brotherlikes the hugs, you know?"
  • 00:15:50.572 --> 00:15:52.641
  • With her, when I do things forher and don't do it for him,
  • 00:15:52.641 --> 00:15:56.278
  • he's like,
  • 00:15:56.278 --> 00:15:57.112
  • "Why does she--"
  • 00:15:57.112 --> 00:15:57.946
  • I was like,
  • 00:15:57.946 --> 00:15:59.415
  • "Because, if she doesn'tget this, this bothers Chloe
  • 00:15:59.415 --> 00:16:00.349
  • "more than it bothers you."
  • 00:16:00.349 --> 00:16:01.350
  • That's true.
  • 00:16:01.350 --> 00:16:02.518
  • - I love how you'retalking about
  • 00:16:02.518 --> 00:16:03.786
  • them understandingeach other because
  • 00:16:03.786 --> 00:16:06.455
  • my oldest son is anextreme introvert.
  • 00:16:06.455 --> 00:16:10.959
  • And I had to learn'cause I was trying to
  • 00:16:10.959 --> 00:16:12.795
  • help him be social, which westill are working on that.
  • 00:16:12.795 --> 00:16:15.998
  • But I had to also recognizethat this is a part
  • 00:16:15.998 --> 00:16:19.268
  • of his wiring.
  • 00:16:19.268 --> 00:16:20.102
  • So he has a Lego table.
  • 00:16:20.102 --> 00:16:22.404
  • Still loves, ateenager, loves Legos.
  • 00:16:22.404 --> 00:16:24.706
  • But I had to putthe Legos in a place
  • 00:16:24.706 --> 00:16:27.309
  • where he could be alone.
  • 00:16:27.309 --> 00:16:28.944
  • Because he needs alone time,compared to my youngest one
  • 00:16:28.944 --> 00:16:33.082
  • who drives him crazybecause he needs
  • 00:16:33.082 --> 00:16:35.951
  • touch and affection andthat's his big brother
  • 00:16:35.951 --> 00:16:38.987
  • and that's all hewants from him.
  • 00:16:38.987 --> 00:16:40.823
  • So I had to put themtogether and I said,
  • 00:16:40.823 --> 00:16:42.324
  • "The reason why y'all aredriving each other crazy
  • 00:16:42.324 --> 00:16:43.792
  • "is because you need alone timeand you need together time.
  • 00:16:43.792 --> 00:16:48.397
  • "So let me tell you andteach you how to fill
  • 00:16:48.397 --> 00:16:50.833
  • "each others' tanks.
  • 00:16:50.833 --> 00:16:52.167
  • "Little brother, ifyou leave him alone,
  • 00:16:52.167 --> 00:16:54.236
  • "then when you do want himto play this video game
  • 00:16:54.236 --> 00:16:56.305
  • "with you, he will.
  • 00:16:56.305 --> 00:16:57.506
  • "Big brother, ifyou give him a hug,
  • 00:16:57.506 --> 00:16:59.441
  • "then he won't driveyou crazy because
  • 00:16:59.441 --> 00:17:00.943
  • "he needs one from you."
  • 00:17:00.943 --> 00:17:02.177
  • And so let me teach youhow I'm gonna help you
  • 00:17:02.177 --> 00:17:03.612
  • connect with your wives.
  • 00:17:03.612 --> 00:17:05.380
  • Because you are morelikely, introvert son,
  • 00:17:05.380 --> 00:17:08.517
  • to marry a highfalutin, veryexcited about life, woman.
  • 00:17:08.517 --> 00:17:12.221
  • And excited about life son,you're probably gonna marry
  • 00:17:12.221 --> 00:17:15.124
  • a woman who's a littlebit quieter than you.
  • 00:17:15.124 --> 00:17:17.292
  • And I'm teaching you howto make peace in your home.
  • 00:17:17.292 --> 00:17:20.662
  • So this idea ofconnecting with your kids,
  • 00:17:20.662 --> 00:17:23.499
  • making them seem seen and valued
  • 00:17:23.499 --> 00:17:25.033
  • but also teaching thembased on their wiring
  • 00:17:25.033 --> 00:17:28.637
  • how to connect with otherpeople, it shows them
  • 00:17:28.637 --> 00:17:31.707
  • how to value people buthow to work with people
  • 00:17:31.707 --> 00:17:34.176
  • who are not like them, you know?
  • 00:17:34.176 --> 00:17:36.378
  • - My parents always say,
  • 00:17:36.378 --> 00:17:37.579
  • "You're raising an adult,
  • 00:17:37.579 --> 00:17:39.081
  • "you're not raising kids."
  • 00:17:39.081 --> 00:17:40.482
  • So you teach them howthey need to communicate
  • 00:17:40.482 --> 00:17:43.752
  • in the day to day
  • 00:17:43.752 --> 00:17:45.287
  • and how to, you know, be ableto communicate with adults.
  • 00:17:45.287 --> 00:17:48.790
  • So they wanted usto be opinionated.
  • 00:17:48.790 --> 00:17:51.493
  • They just told ushow to do that.
  • 00:17:51.493 --> 00:17:53.896
  • - Right, right.
  • 00:17:53.896 --> 00:17:55.097
  • - My sister, shewas more feisty and
  • 00:17:55.097 --> 00:17:57.733
  • my mom would be like,
  • 00:17:57.733 --> 00:17:59.535
  • "Okay, I heard younow try again."
  • 00:17:59.535 --> 00:18:02.337
  • (laughter)
  • 00:18:02.337 --> 00:18:03.505
  • So for me, I thinkabout those things when
  • 00:18:03.505 --> 00:18:07.042
  • I am ready to tell my child,
  • 00:18:07.042 --> 00:18:08.677
  • "That was so disrespectfulhow you just said that."
  • 00:18:08.677 --> 00:18:12.414
  • And I think about mymom, don't break what God
  • 00:18:12.414 --> 00:18:16.785
  • has put in her to helpher with her future,
  • 00:18:16.785 --> 00:18:18.687
  • you know, so justshape it, mold it--
  • 00:18:18.687 --> 00:18:21.190
  • - And shepard itinstead of squashing.
  • 00:18:21.190 --> 00:18:22.991
  • - Right, she's like she needsto be stubborn later on,
  • 00:18:22.991 --> 00:18:26.929
  • you know, in life,so just guide it.
  • 00:18:26.929 --> 00:18:31.266
  • - I think as we haveto hone our own gifts,
  • 00:18:31.266 --> 00:18:34.136
  • I think we're called tohone our children's gifts.
  • 00:18:34.136 --> 00:18:37.039
  • And a lot of times,those attitudes and those
  • 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:39.942
  • strong passions of our kids,
  • 00:18:39.942 --> 00:18:42.878
  • we need to guideand we need to--
  • 00:18:43.979 --> 00:18:47.983
  • God help us
  • 00:18:47.983 --> 00:18:49.384
  • (laughs)
  • 00:18:49.384 --> 00:18:50.886
  • to focus those gifts and thosetalents on the right things
  • 00:18:50.886 --> 00:18:54.523
  • and make sure that theyknow what that gift is for.
  • 00:18:54.523 --> 00:18:57.993
  • - I've even had to changesome of my language
  • 00:18:57.993 --> 00:18:59.761
  • 'cause like I said,my three year-old
  • 00:18:59.761 --> 00:19:01.230
  • kinda runs my seven year-oldand she runs everybody.
  • 00:19:01.230 --> 00:19:03.398
  • (laughter)
  • 00:19:03.398 --> 00:19:04.866
  • She does and she justnaturally is that way and
  • 00:19:04.866 --> 00:19:06.935
  • people will be like,
  • 00:19:06.935 --> 00:19:07.769
  • "She's a little bossy,"
  • 00:19:07.769 --> 00:19:08.704
  • I'm like,
  • 00:19:08.704 --> 00:19:09.738
  • "She's just a leader."
  • 00:19:09.738 --> 00:19:10.839
  • And I'll go,
  • 00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:11.640
  • "Okay, little leader.
  • 00:19:11.640 --> 00:19:12.574
  • "Right now, Mama's leading,"
  • 00:19:12.574 --> 00:19:13.675
  • she'll go,
  • 00:19:13.675 --> 00:19:14.676
  • "I'm not leading?
  • 00:19:14.676 --> 00:19:16.078
  • "Oh man, okay."
  • 00:19:16.078 --> 00:19:18.080
  • - [Chrystal] I'm gonna use that.
  • 00:19:18.080 --> 00:19:18.914
  • - Next time?
  • 00:19:18.914 --> 00:19:19.748
  • Yes, Ma.
  • 00:19:19.748 --> 00:19:20.582
  • That's how she is.
  • 00:19:20.582 --> 00:19:21.416
  • From the back seat,
  • 00:19:21.416 --> 00:19:22.251
  • "Mama, not this way."
  • 00:19:22.251 --> 00:19:24.453
  • Ma'am, you are threeand not a driver.
  • 00:19:24.453 --> 00:19:27.389
  • Get your life.
  • 00:19:27.389 --> 00:19:28.857
  • So I have to change my languageand just all that with her.
  • 00:19:28.857 --> 00:19:32.794
  • - One of the things Ilove my parents, I think,
  • 00:19:32.794 --> 00:19:34.296
  • did a really good job ofthat with the four of us,
  • 00:19:34.296 --> 00:19:36.198
  • is we're all verydifferent but they,
  • 00:19:36.198 --> 00:19:38.433
  • not only did they connectwith us in the thing,
  • 00:19:38.433 --> 00:19:41.570
  • but they called it out of us.
  • 00:19:41.570 --> 00:19:43.071
  • And you were just talkingabout calling Chloe a leader
  • 00:19:43.071 --> 00:19:45.507
  • because you have to learnhow to see your kids
  • 00:19:45.507 --> 00:19:48.343
  • as you're connectingwith them with what God
  • 00:19:48.343 --> 00:19:50.612
  • has put in them.
  • 00:19:50.612 --> 00:19:52.381
  • And you know, for Solo,was talking all the time.
  • 00:19:52.381 --> 00:19:56.218
  • And so Dad would say,
  • 00:19:56.218 --> 00:19:57.686
  • "Well you know, you shouldget a Communications degree,"
  • 00:19:57.686 --> 00:19:59.288
  • you know, that became that.
  • 00:19:59.288 --> 00:20:00.522
  • And Anthony, it was,
  • 00:20:00.522 --> 00:20:01.723
  • "You need to servein the church,
  • 00:20:01.723 --> 00:20:03.058
  • "and since you can sing,let's start with that."
  • 00:20:03.058 --> 00:20:05.260
  • Who knew it was gonnabecome his whole career?
  • 00:20:05.260 --> 00:20:06.895
  • So I think that inconnecting with them,
  • 00:20:06.895 --> 00:20:09.631
  • I think we have tolook at it this way.
  • 00:20:09.631 --> 00:20:11.933
  • You are not onlyconnecting with them,
  • 00:20:11.933 --> 00:20:15.304
  • you are putting yourselfin a position to discover
  • 00:20:15.304 --> 00:20:17.472
  • the gold mine Godput inside of them.
  • 00:20:17.472 --> 00:20:19.107
  • - That's right, that's right.
  • 00:20:19.107 --> 00:20:20.042
  • Calling it out of them.
  • 00:20:20.042 --> 00:20:21.243
  • - Yeah, and that'sthe scripture,
  • 00:20:21.243 --> 00:20:22.511
  • train up a child inthe way he should go
  • 00:20:22.511 --> 00:20:24.246
  • and I think as parents,it's our responsibility.
  • 00:20:24.246 --> 00:20:26.315
  • - That's the privilegethat we get as parents.
  • 00:20:26.315 --> 00:20:28.517
  • - But you know, it's funnyhow sometimes because of
  • 00:20:28.517 --> 00:20:30.018
  • our own weaknesses, whenI am tired physically,
  • 00:20:30.018 --> 00:20:34.189
  • I may in a moment seesomething Missy does
  • 00:20:34.189 --> 00:20:37.459
  • as rebellion andif I will step back
  • 00:20:37.459 --> 00:20:39.061
  • and take a breath, I'll go,
  • 00:20:39.061 --> 00:20:42.130
  • "That actually wasn't rebellion,
  • 00:20:42.130 --> 00:20:44.166
  • "that's your exhaustionspeaking, she actually was
  • 00:20:44.166 --> 00:20:47.469
  • "being a leader,"
  • 00:20:47.469 --> 00:20:48.770
  • so I'm trying to learneven as a parent to go
  • 00:20:48.770 --> 00:20:51.473
  • be careful because ifI respond too quickly,
  • 00:20:51.473 --> 00:20:53.875
  • I'll call somethingrebellion that actually
  • 00:20:53.875 --> 00:20:56.678
  • is not rebellion or I'llcall something disrespectful
  • 00:20:56.678 --> 00:20:59.181
  • that actually was leadership.
  • 00:20:59.181 --> 00:21:02.017
  • So I'm trying to learneven as a parent,
  • 00:21:02.017 --> 00:21:03.819
  • to parent out of fullnessinstead of out of depletion.
  • 00:21:03.819 --> 00:21:06.988
  • - And I've had tolearn not to shut down
  • 00:21:06.988 --> 00:21:09.024
  • what's uncomfortable for me.
  • 00:21:09.024 --> 00:21:10.859
  • Because again, my sonis so high touch and
  • 00:21:10.859 --> 00:21:13.061
  • I am a person thatif somebody says,
  • 00:21:13.061 --> 00:21:15.464
  • "This is how we're gonna do it,"
  • 00:21:15.464 --> 00:21:16.431
  • I'm like,
  • 00:21:16.431 --> 00:21:17.265
  • "Okay, cool, whatever.
  • 00:21:17.265 --> 00:21:18.200
  • "Let's roll with it, you know?"
  • 00:21:18.200 --> 00:21:19.634
  • He is just like two hourslater, I'm still sad
  • 00:21:19.634 --> 00:21:21.470
  • that we couldn't do--
  • 00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:23.071
  • - You're like,
  • 00:21:23.071 --> 00:21:23.905
  • "Get over it!"
  • 00:21:23.905 --> 00:21:24.740
  • - I'm like still?
  • 00:21:24.740 --> 00:21:26.508
  • And my three year-old goes,
  • 00:21:26.508 --> 00:21:28.443
  • "Joah, Mama said no, no.
  • 00:21:28.443 --> 00:21:31.146
  • "That's a no--"
  • 00:21:31.146 --> 00:21:32.381
  • right, she's likeI don't get it.
  • 00:21:32.381 --> 00:21:33.382
  • And in my mind, I wanna be like,
  • 00:21:33.382 --> 00:21:34.950
  • "Right, move on,"
  • 00:21:34.950 --> 00:21:36.284
  • but then the acknowledgement,when you like--
  • 00:21:36.284 --> 00:21:38.320
  • when you said with your mom,
  • 00:21:38.320 --> 00:21:39.588
  • when I just look at him and go,
  • 00:21:39.588 --> 00:21:40.555
  • "Okay, bud, why are you sad?"
  • 00:21:40.555 --> 00:21:42.257
  • And in my mind, I'm like,all my energy is just--
  • 00:21:42.257 --> 00:21:45.794
  • so I have to
  • 00:21:45.794 --> 00:21:46.628
  • (inhales)
  • 00:21:46.628 --> 00:21:47.462
  • Why are you sad?
  • 00:21:47.462 --> 00:21:48.430
  • He will usually tell me why.
  • 00:21:48.430 --> 00:21:49.264
  • I was like,
  • 00:21:49.264 --> 00:21:50.098
  • "Okay, that's good.
  • 00:21:50.098 --> 00:21:51.666
  • "I hear you, I can get whythat would make you sad."
  • 00:21:51.666 --> 00:21:52.868
  • And he'll go,
  • 00:21:52.868 --> 00:21:53.668
  • "Yeah, 'cause just--"
  • 00:21:53.668 --> 00:21:54.903
  • okay, we'll do thatfor a few minutes.
  • 00:21:54.903 --> 00:21:55.837
  • And then I have to say,
  • 00:21:55.837 --> 00:21:57.239
  • "But you get to decide how long
  • 00:21:57.239 --> 00:21:59.975
  • "you gonna be sad."
  • 00:21:59.975 --> 00:22:01.143
  • And I have to give him a time
  • 00:22:01.143 --> 00:22:03.211
  • so that it's not Christmas.
  • 00:22:03.211 --> 00:22:04.713
  • He's still sad butthere's a lollipop.
  • 00:22:04.713 --> 00:22:06.982
  • So I'll go,
  • 00:22:06.982 --> 00:22:08.183
  • "Okay, how bout,is 15 minutes good?
  • 00:22:08.183 --> 00:22:09.718
  • "10 minutes, fiveminutes, okay."
  • 00:22:09.718 --> 00:22:11.319
  • And then if he'sstill down here,
  • 00:22:11.319 --> 00:22:13.388
  • we're not sad right now.
  • 00:22:13.388 --> 00:22:14.890
  • So if you wanna stay sad, youneed to do it in your room.
  • 00:22:14.890 --> 00:22:17.692
  • But he's extroverted sohe's not gonna do it.
  • 00:22:17.692 --> 00:22:19.594
  • And I can't do that with mydaughter 'cause she'll be like,
  • 00:22:19.594 --> 00:22:20.929
  • "Good, I'm out."
  • 00:22:20.929 --> 00:22:22.697
  • But I'll say,
  • 00:22:22.697 --> 00:22:24.166
  • "Okay, you decide and thenafter we decide, okay,
  • 00:22:24.166 --> 00:22:26.034
  • "down here, we're not.
  • 00:22:26.034 --> 00:22:27.569
  • "We're happy right now soif you still wanna stay--"
  • 00:22:27.569 --> 00:22:29.638
  • "Well I don't wanna leave,"
  • 00:22:29.638 --> 00:22:30.906
  • Okay, so who gets to decide?
  • 00:22:30.906 --> 00:22:32.808
  • "I do, all right."
  • 00:22:32.808 --> 00:22:34.042
  • But we couldn'tget through the--
  • 00:22:34.042 --> 00:22:35.744
  • it's like a 15 step thingthat I'm really wired
  • 00:22:35.744 --> 00:22:38.847
  • for a one step thing.
  • 00:22:38.847 --> 00:22:40.482
  • And so God keeps saying thedirection they should go,
  • 00:22:40.482 --> 00:22:44.519
  • they should go, not theway you want 'em to go,
  • 00:22:44.519 --> 00:22:46.455
  • not the comfortable path, theyshould go, they should go.
  • 00:22:46.455 --> 00:22:49.524
  • And it's this thing of
  • 00:22:49.524 --> 00:22:51.493
  • what seems easy ornatural with one kid
  • 00:22:51.493 --> 00:22:54.029
  • is really hard with theother and trying not to say
  • 00:22:54.029 --> 00:22:57.332
  • I'm gonna just go withthe comfortable kid
  • 00:22:57.332 --> 00:23:00.101
  • 'cause I can be me, you know?
  • 00:23:00.101 --> 00:23:02.170
  • This kid makes me have to besomeone outside of myself.
  • 00:23:02.170 --> 00:23:04.940
  • Oh, dependence on theHoly Spirit, imagine that.
  • 00:23:04.940 --> 00:23:07.609
  • So that has been thechallenge for me.
  • 00:23:07.609 --> 00:23:09.578
  • - Isn't it funnythat it's not linear?
  • 00:23:09.578 --> 00:23:11.313
  • Because I grew up inthe because I said so
  • 00:23:11.313 --> 00:23:14.082
  • and I go,
  • 00:23:14.082 --> 00:23:15.517
  • while you can still be areally health disciplinarian,
  • 00:23:15.517 --> 00:23:17.786
  • I told Missy the other day,
  • 00:23:17.786 --> 00:23:19.287
  • "God is our GPS, 'cause I'mthe mama, I'm driving the car,
  • 00:23:19.287 --> 00:23:23.425
  • "but you still get totell me you wanna pull off
  • 00:23:23.425 --> 00:23:25.260
  • "and go to Chick-Fil-A."
  • 00:23:25.260 --> 00:23:26.695
  • And that's how we do everything.
  • 00:23:26.695 --> 00:23:28.230
  • You have a voice, but I'mthe mama so I'm the boss,
  • 00:23:28.230 --> 00:23:31.199
  • but your voice always matters.
  • 00:23:31.199 --> 00:23:33.435
  • - Ask God to give youeyes for your children,
  • 00:23:33.435 --> 00:23:36.404
  • his eyes for your children,however old they may be
  • 00:23:36.404 --> 00:23:40.175
  • and then stick with it.
  • 00:23:40.175 --> 00:23:41.710
  • Don't be discouraged.
  • 00:23:41.710 --> 00:23:42.844
  • Keep making the effort,keep showing up,
  • 00:23:42.844 --> 00:23:44.980
  • and know that thingscan change over time.
  • 00:23:44.980 --> 00:23:49.084
  • Just be faithful.
  • 00:23:49.084 --> 00:23:50.619
  • Be faithful and trust Godto make the difference.
  • 00:23:50.619 --> 00:23:52.287
  • Let me pray for you.
  • 00:23:52.287 --> 00:23:54.356
  • Lord Jesus, I knowthat there are parents
  • 00:23:54.356 --> 00:23:56.791
  • who love their childrenbut who are at a loss
  • 00:23:56.791 --> 00:23:59.361
  • for how to connect withthem, how to love them well,
  • 00:23:59.361 --> 00:24:02.464
  • how to minister to them.
  • 00:24:02.464 --> 00:24:03.965
  • I pray that you wouldgive them your sight
  • 00:24:03.965 --> 00:24:05.901
  • for their children, givethem long suffering love
  • 00:24:05.901 --> 00:24:09.271
  • and patience to keep showingup when they're not sure
  • 00:24:09.271 --> 00:24:12.307
  • they're gonna ever see fruit.
  • 00:24:12.307 --> 00:24:14.109
  • Lord, not only help themshow up but give them eyes
  • 00:24:14.109 --> 00:24:16.945
  • that you have forthose children to see
  • 00:24:16.945 --> 00:24:19.981
  • what you can seethat maybe they can't
  • 00:24:19.981 --> 00:24:22.317
  • and I pray, God, in the shortrealm that you give them
  • 00:24:22.317 --> 00:24:25.587
  • faithfulness and in thelong realm, you give them
  • 00:24:25.587 --> 00:24:28.056
  • fruit from their investmentof time and energy
  • 00:24:28.056 --> 00:24:30.292
  • loving their childrendespite what they see
  • 00:24:30.292 --> 00:24:32.193
  • and despite what they feelso that you can ultimately
  • 00:24:32.193 --> 00:24:35.263
  • get the glory fromrelationships for parents
  • 00:24:35.263 --> 00:24:37.766
  • and from love renewed.
  • 00:24:37.766 --> 00:24:40.368
  • In Jesus's name we pray, amen.
  • 00:24:40.368 --> 00:24:43.038
  • - [Laurie] Connectwith us on social media
  • 00:24:43.038 --> 00:24:45.073
  • and let us know how ourteam can pray for you.
  • 00:24:45.073 --> 00:24:47.342
  • (mellow music)
  • 00:24:47.342 --> 00:24:49.911
  • - What is my biggesttakeaway from today?
  • 00:24:49.911 --> 00:24:52.714
  • You know, it would be this.
  • 00:24:52.714 --> 00:24:53.982
  • It would be that God isthe only perfect parent,
  • 00:24:53.982 --> 00:24:56.918
  • that as mothers whohave been graced
  • 00:24:56.918 --> 00:25:00.088
  • because of this kindnesswe get to shepard kids,
  • 00:25:00.088 --> 00:25:02.891
  • it's incumbent uponus to admit the fact
  • 00:25:02.891 --> 00:25:05.727
  • that we are not perfectparents, we can't make it
  • 00:25:05.727 --> 00:25:07.829
  • by ourselves, and the placeswhere we mess up if we own that
  • 00:25:07.829 --> 00:25:08.396
  • by ourselves, and the placeswhere we mess up if we own that
  • 00:25:09.030 --> 00:25:11.032
  • and bring it to the Lord, thenthose can become kinda cracks
  • 00:25:11.032 --> 00:25:14.769
  • in the jar, if you will,through which the light of God
  • 00:25:14.769 --> 00:25:17.072
  • will shine through so weget to shepard our kids
  • 00:25:17.072 --> 00:25:21.343
  • toward Jesus when we are honestabout the fact that we're
  • 00:25:21.343 --> 00:25:24.412
  • not enough for them.
  • 00:25:24.412 --> 00:25:25.647
  • - [Laurie] Do you wantmore "Better Together?"
  • 00:25:25.647 --> 00:25:26.147
  • Up next on "Better Together."
  • 00:25:39.327 --> 00:25:41.529
  • - Okay y'all, we'vecome to the part in all
  • 00:25:41.529 --> 00:25:44.499
  • our motheringconversations to talk about
  • 00:25:44.499 --> 00:25:46.167
  • mistakes in mothering
  • 00:25:46.167 --> 00:25:47.969
  • and I thought I'll own thisone because this resembles me.
  • 00:25:47.969 --> 00:25:50.605
  • - [Laurie] Watch "BetterTogether" weekdays
  • 00:25:50.605 --> 00:25:53.241
  • and Tuesday nights only on TBN.
  • 00:25:53.241 --> 00:25:55.810