Survive to Thrive | Better Together | TBN

Survive to Thrive | Better Together

Watch Survive to Thrive | Better Together
October 23, 2019
27:34

We are unmasking abuse and standing on God's promises for healing and restoration. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Survive to Thrive | Better Together

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  • - Are you a victim or are you a survivor?
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  • Today, let's choose to stand in God's promises
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  • to become overcomers.
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  • Join the conversation.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - You know, I don't know why
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  • the church stay away from certain topics.
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  • And I think if we would be more vocal with more topics
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  • then we wouldn't have to deal with certain things in secret.
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  • You know, we have so many people that suffer in silence.
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  • I know,
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  • for my family, like over 25 years ago,
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  • I had an aunt and her daughter
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  • that was murdered by her intimate partner.
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  • And it was so devastating to the family.
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  • It was like if somebody could have just given her
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  • a little information,
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  • if she didn't have to deal with him in private
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  • by herself for so long,
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  • then we probably could have saved her, if you will.
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  • That's, you know, our mindsets anyway.
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  • Hindsight is always 20/20.
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  • But it's unfortunate that the church to me
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  • don't always deal with abuse.
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  • I mean, certain denominations would teach you,
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  • you know, no, you just stay there,
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  • you keep loving him and he's taking care of his family.
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  • And they don't tell you when it becomes violent,
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  • that you need to get out of there.
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  • And so many people, so many women,
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  • not just women suffer from abuse, men as well,
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  • but you have the stats that came out last year was,
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  • one in three women will suffer you some domestic violence.
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  • 20 women a minute will suffer.
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  • And to me those stats are too high.
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  • - Yes.
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  • - It's terrible.
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  • And so it really calls me to turn my focus towards women
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  • to just to get the information out.
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  • I established this home is called Dee's House of Hope.
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  • We're in the process of renovating it now.
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  • Is five acres of land with 12 homes on it.
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  • All of them have three or four bedrooms in there.
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  • That I will be able to go in
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  • and rescue women and their children,
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  • put 'em in a safe haven,
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  • teach them the oracles and the principles of God,
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  • you know, and then send them back in society,
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  • you know, stronger than ever.
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  • - Confident who they are, right?
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  • - Yeah, so they won't have to suffer in silence any longer.
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  • But we have to talk about the issue,
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  • because is a real issue.
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  • It's a real issue, right?
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  • - I think we need to shine the brightest light
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  • into the darkest corner.
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  • Wherever somebody is suffering,
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  • wherever somebody is struggling,
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  • I mean, is the same with mental illness.
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  • Anything where there's a shame factor.
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  • then people don't.
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  • And that's why I love,
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  • I mean, this is probably my favorite Psalm of all time.
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  • The Psalm 34,
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  • where verse four says,
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  • "I prayed to the Lord and He answered me.
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  • "He freed me from all my fears.
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  • "Those who looked to Him for help,
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  • "will be radiant with joy,
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  • "no shadow of shame will darken their faces."
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  • And to me in the church,
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  • that's why we should be able to talk about this,
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  • so called shameful,
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  • 'cause Christ who knew no shame became shame,
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  • so that we should be free.
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  • And the fact that women would go on struggling like that,
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  • and feel like they can't ask for help,
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  • is, the church is the answer to what is wrong
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  • with our life.
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  • - But we come in church with this mask on.
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  • My husband always says that,
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  • Sunday mornings is equivalent to October 31.
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  • You know, we come in (mumbles)
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  • and we become whoever we wanna become.
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  • We become pastors,
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  • simmers,
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  • and ministers and ushers,
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  • you know, we put on this mask
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  • and then we take off when we go out of those doors,
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  • only to suffer and then go through things
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  • opposed to becoming so naked
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  • in a place where God wants us to become naked,
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  • so we can receive from Him to be whole.
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  • And it's really sad.
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  • It's a painful thing.
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  • We had another young lady,
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  • her and her husband and her children would come
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  • and align every Sunday and just greet us.
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  • They were so pretty, dressed really nice.
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  • I mean, he would just escort his family up,
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  • we would greet 'em.
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  • And then I think after she begin to know us a little bit,
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  • she was sneaking call the church,
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  • and would be like,
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  • "Hey, can somebody just come get me or whatever."
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  • But then when you would attempt to go get her,
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  • she wouldn't want you to get her.
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  • And eventually he ended up killing her.
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  • And this is a member of our church,
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  • but it's like if she would have just told us
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  • exactly what she was going through,
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  • then we could have gotten her help.
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  • - Yes.
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  • Now, we had a very similar situation,
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  • and then it's the murder that happens.
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  • And then now you start peeling back layers and you go,
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  • "Why didn't somebody talk to us?"
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  • We could have helped.
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  • And so I think to your point,
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  • it's just shame, right?
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  • Shame and when people start to think
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  • that you have to be perfect,
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  • or that my life has to look a certain way,
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  • and they'll even say,
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  • "Well, once I get my life together then we'll talk."
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  • You're never gonna get your life together by yourself.
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  • So, let people in, let people get help.
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  • The enemy is what tries to keep us isolated,
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  • and try to keep your help with that woman,
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  • and the girl in our church tried to keep them isolated.
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  • Or embarrassed about a marriage that's bad
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  • or whatever it is.
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  • So then you won't talk about it.
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  • Well, it doesn't help.
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  • - I think one of the ways that we overcome,
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  • when you've gone through any kind of abuse,
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  • any kind of trauma,
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  • is, first of all, you need to know that you're not alone.
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  • So often, we feel even if it was something done to us,
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  • we feel kind of shame as if,
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  • that somehow we're less than now,
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  • that the somehow that we're broken,
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  • and that we're not enough.
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  • You wouldn't believe the number of people
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  • who go through their whole life thinking,
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  • I'm not enough, I will never be enough.
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  • And so, I think there's great value in community
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  • in being able to tell your story to someone.
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  • And I don't just mean going
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  • and telling your story to anyone.
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  • Jesus counseled on that, He said,
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  • "Don't cast your pearls before swine."
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  • In other words, don't take something that's precious to you
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  • and give it to people who are gonna trample all over it.
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  • You know, your story matters, your life matters.
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  • But when you find a couple of people who are safe,
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  • and you can share your story with them,
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  • and hear yourself saying out loud and you're still there,
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  • and that there's still people there who are willing
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  • to listen and to accept you,
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  • it somehow, it just begins to let the light in a little bit.
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  • It might be good too for you to journal.
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  • You know, not many years ago,
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  • but a long time after my father's death,
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  • I actually wrote him a letter.
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  • And obviously I couldn't send it.
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  • But it was something really healing,
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  • about being able to pour out everything that I had felt.
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  • And then I took the letter outside and I burned it.
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  • And as I sat there, with just a little pile of ash.
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  • I was able to thank my Father God,
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  • that in the worst moments of life,
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  • that He was there, and that,
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  • you know, whether you feel as if you have sinned
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  • or you've been sinned against,
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  • when we confess that to the Lord,
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  • we're told is removed as far as the east is from the west,
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  • infinity,
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  • and He remembers it more.
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  • You are not what happened to you,
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  • you're a child of God.
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  • - I mean, I was embarrassed about our marriage.
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  • I mean, Lord knows, we we used to go to church every Sunday,
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  • now, before pastoring, we would go to his dad's church,
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  • and we would fuss,
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  • and use words that you couldn't find.
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  • - That aren't in New Testament.
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  • (all laughing)
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  • - And we were Christians,
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  • and we'd say we love God.
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  • And we would fuss all the way to church,
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  • we get to church Sunday morning,
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  • it's like, "Hey, how y'all going?"
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  • We'd put this mask on and become something else.
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  • I wanted to get back into car and go at it again.
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  • And I remember how much I used to cry and beg
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  • that God would reveal what I was going through
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  • to somebody else.
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  • It's like, why did I have to do that?
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  • All I have to do is use my voice to speak up.
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  • But I had lost my voice in that relationship.
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  • And it was horrible.
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  • And now, it's like I'm so pro woman,
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  • like, come on,
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  • you don't have to talk.
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  • I mean, I have to be solid.
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  • You can talk, you can share.
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  • You know, I suffered bad choice,
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  • because I didn't share.
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  • I mean, I have people all around me.
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  • My mom, my sisters and family members,
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  • but I was so busy trying to cover and protect
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  • that it pushed me in a dark place
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  • of being alone.
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  • - Well, even what you said, into a dark place,
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  • and that's where the devil always tries to get us.
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  • Is into a very dark place where there is no light.
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  • But once you shine the light on that,
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  • then the light has come.
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  • You know, and that's what Jesus is all about.
  • 00:09:15.180 --> 00:09:18.000
  • - Wonder if it's like, just as much we talk about shame
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  • keeps people in darkness,
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  • but I wonder if it's pride too.
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  • - Oh, absolutely.
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  • - 'Cause you don't want people to think something about you,
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  • so...
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  • - Absolutely.
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  • And you know, the one thing that I do believe
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  • that kept me suffering in silence is my pride.
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  • I didn't allow myself to speak up
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  • because I wanted to cover, I wanted to protect.
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  • And what's so sad is that,
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  • most women, we do that.
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  • We cover our spouses, we cover stuff
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  • and we protect and we think we're helping,
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  • but at the same time, we are really hurting.
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  • We're hurting our spouse, we're hurting our relationship,
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  • and we're hurting ourselves.
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  • You don't have to suffer in silence anymore.
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  • Use your voice to empower yourself
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  • to go get the necessary help,
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  • so your relationship can be better.
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  • - This idea that we're supposed to be perfect.
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  • You know, it's like,
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  • if you think about the very crucible of our faith,
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  • is that there's nothing you and I could do.
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  • Nothing, absolutely nothing,
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  • if can live the perfect life to bridge that gap.
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  • And so that's why Christ came.
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  • But then we accept that, but then we live as if
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  • we think we're supposed to be perfect.
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  • I spent probably 35 years pursuing perfection.
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  • For me, I associated with God's love.
  • 00:10:36.120 --> 00:10:38.200
  • I thought on a good day God loves me more,
  • 00:10:38.200 --> 00:10:40.260
  • and on an a bad day God loves me less.
  • 00:10:40.260 --> 00:10:43.020
  • - I think that has come from our teachings.
  • 00:10:44.070 --> 00:10:46.270
  • You know, the church has taught us that,
  • 00:10:46.270 --> 00:10:49.240
  • if you live right, you get right.
  • 00:10:49.240 --> 00:10:52.020
  • And so we've always tried to measure ourselves
  • 00:10:52.020 --> 00:10:55.100
  • up to something that we could never even meet.
  • 00:10:55.100 --> 00:10:57.230
  • With all of the laws and regulations and the rules
  • 00:10:57.230 --> 00:11:00.240
  • in the scriptures is like, no.
  • 00:11:00.240 --> 00:11:02.140
  • What happened to the grace of God.
  • 00:11:02.140 --> 00:11:04.120
  • Now when we don't measure up,
  • 00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:06.180
  • now we put this mask on and try to pretend
  • 00:11:06.180 --> 00:11:09.090
  • that we're something that we're not.
  • 00:11:09.090 --> 00:11:11.140
  • And that pride.
  • 00:11:11.140 --> 00:11:12.280
  • - But that's why we're supposed to find ourselves
  • 00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:14.140
  • our identity in Christ too is the perfect.
  • 00:11:14.140 --> 00:11:17.140
  • - I often think,
  • 00:11:17.140 --> 00:11:18.290
  • what did the people who were listening
  • 00:11:18.290 --> 00:11:20.100
  • to Jesus actually hear Him say,
  • 00:11:20.100 --> 00:11:22.200
  • there's different than what we hear?
  • 00:11:22.200 --> 00:11:24.100
  • 'Cause I think like the last two verses of Matthew 11,
  • 00:11:24.100 --> 00:11:26.130
  • where is that famous, come on to me all who are weary
  • 00:11:26.130 --> 00:11:29.000
  • and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
  • 00:11:29.000 --> 00:11:30.210
  • Take my yoke upon you.
  • 00:11:30.210 --> 00:11:32.180
  • Like for the people who heard that at day,
  • 00:11:32.180 --> 00:11:35.240
  • every single Jew woke up every morning
  • 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:38.040
  • under what was called the yoke of the law,
  • 00:11:38.040 --> 00:11:40.080
  • 613 rules,
  • 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:42.160
  • they had to keep,
  • 00:11:42.160 --> 00:11:44.020
  • they had to get right so that God would love them.
  • 00:11:44.020 --> 00:11:45.260
  • So they lived under the burden of the yoke of the law.
  • 00:11:45.260 --> 00:11:48.240
  • And Jesus said to them, "No, no, no,
  • 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.240
  • "come on, follow me,
  • 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:52.020
  • "my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
  • 00:11:52.020 --> 00:11:54.290
  • Jesus was a game changer.
  • 00:11:54.290 --> 00:11:56.130
  • - Yes He was.
  • 00:11:56.130 --> 00:11:58.020
  • - The curtain was torn from top to bottom,
  • 00:11:58.020 --> 00:11:59.210
  • you don't have to,
  • 00:11:59.210 --> 00:12:01.020
  • there's no sacrifices being made anymore
  • 00:12:01.020 --> 00:12:03.010
  • 'cause I am the sacrifice,
  • 00:12:03.010 --> 00:12:04.230
  • and you get to come as you are.
  • 00:12:04.230 --> 00:12:06.180
  • - Jesus died so that we're not stuck.
  • 00:12:06.180 --> 00:12:10.100
  • We don't have to be a victim.
  • 00:12:10.100 --> 00:12:13.080
  • We can be more than conquerors.
  • 00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:15.230
  • That's what He's called us to be.
  • 00:12:15.230 --> 00:12:17.220
  • And so we want to help you,
  • 00:12:17.220 --> 00:12:20.130
  • we want to encourage you to get out of your mire.
  • 00:12:20.130 --> 00:12:24.140
  • Jesus paid the price so that you don't have to be a victim.
  • 00:12:24.140 --> 00:12:29.120
  • You don't have to stay in a mindset that keeps you bound.
  • 00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:32.290
  • You don't have to stay in chains that keep you
  • 00:12:32.290 --> 00:12:36.180
  • from having freedom.
  • 00:12:36.180 --> 00:12:37.290
  • You can be more than a conqueror.
  • 00:12:37.290 --> 00:12:40.100
  • And so, He's giving you the tools,
  • 00:12:40.100 --> 00:12:42.160
  • He's given us His Word,
  • 00:12:42.160 --> 00:12:44.040
  • He's given us the promises of God to stand on.
  • 00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:47.160
  • Get into your Bible.
  • 00:12:47.160 --> 00:12:49.010
  • Read your Scriptures.
  • 00:12:49.010 --> 00:12:50.140
  • Memorize those Scriptures.
  • 00:12:50.140 --> 00:12:52.110
  • Get on your computer,
  • 00:12:52.110 --> 00:12:54.180
  • find Scriptures, promises of God,
  • 00:12:54.180 --> 00:12:57.110
  • and start getting that down on the side.
  • 00:12:57.110 --> 00:12:59.170
  • That is a life to your very being.
  • 00:12:59.170 --> 00:13:03.000
  • And to speak that out of your mouth,
  • 00:13:03.000 --> 00:13:05.100
  • is more than you can ever imagine, good for you.
  • 00:13:05.100 --> 00:13:09.010
  • Life and death is in the power of your tongue.
  • 00:13:09.010 --> 00:13:11.070
  • You start speaking the Word of God,
  • 00:13:11.070 --> 00:13:13.040
  • you will be more than a conqueror.
  • 00:13:13.040 --> 00:13:16.040
  • - We want you to join the conversation.
  • 00:13:17.210 --> 00:13:19.170
  • - Connect with us on social media,
  • 00:13:19.170 --> 00:13:21.100
  • and let's get better together.
  • 00:13:21.100 --> 00:13:22.280
  • - I love in John's Gospel, how cute he is.
  • 00:13:25.110 --> 00:13:27.150
  • I can't wait to meet John.
  • 00:13:27.150 --> 00:13:29.200
  • He always refers to himself as John,
  • 00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:31.200
  • then one who Jesus loves.
  • 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:33.080
  • And even when He stumbled at them,
  • 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:34.130
  • Peter and John running to the tomb,
  • 00:13:34.130 --> 00:13:36.090
  • and John got there first,
  • 00:13:36.090 --> 00:13:38.000
  • I mean, he's just adorable,
  • 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:39.150
  • that he identified himself as the one Jesus loves.
  • 00:13:39.150 --> 00:13:42.050
  • And when I used to put my son to bed at night,
  • 00:13:42.050 --> 00:13:44.130
  • after we'd said our prayers,
  • 00:13:44.130 --> 00:13:45.270
  • I would go to the door and I turn around and say,
  • 00:13:45.270 --> 00:13:47.240
  • "Which boy does mommy love?"
  • 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:49.100
  • And he put his little hand to his face and say this boy.
  • 00:13:49.100 --> 00:13:52.010
  • And for me, every time I can, I still do it.
  • 00:13:52.010 --> 00:13:54.110
  • When I look at myself in the mirror
  • 00:13:54.110 --> 00:13:55.260
  • and it's a morning that's not a welcoming site,
  • 00:13:55.260 --> 00:13:58.060
  • (laughing)
  • 00:13:58.060 --> 00:13:59.200
  • but I'll say inside which girl does Jesus love?
  • 00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:01.090
  • This girl, you know.
  • 00:14:01.090 --> 00:14:02.250
  • It's just a done deal.
  • 00:14:02.250 --> 00:14:04.160
  • - Is a done deal.
  • 00:14:04.160 --> 00:14:05.220
  • - He never changes.
  • 00:14:05.220 --> 00:14:06.160
  • - No, never.
  • 00:14:06.160 --> 00:14:08.020
  • - If you think about the story in Luke 15,
  • 00:14:08.020 --> 00:14:10.150
  • of the prodigal son,
  • 00:14:10.150 --> 00:14:12.040
  • you know, you get this picture,
  • 00:14:12.040 --> 00:14:13.250
  • we call it the story of the prodigal son,
  • 00:14:13.250 --> 00:14:15.120
  • and really, it's the story of the father,
  • 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:16.280
  • it's a story of how much the father loves.
  • 00:14:16.280 --> 00:14:18.290
  • But you have this boy who goes orphaned,
  • 00:14:18.290 --> 00:14:21.100
  • I mean, first of all, he insults his dad and says,
  • 00:14:21.100 --> 00:14:23.170
  • "Basically, I wish you were dead, but you're not dead,
  • 00:14:23.170 --> 00:14:25.160
  • "so I want my money now."
  • 00:14:25.160 --> 00:14:27.070
  • And wastes it all.
  • 00:14:27.070 --> 00:14:28.250
  • And then comes back and thinks,
  • 00:14:28.250 --> 00:14:30.110
  • "How can I find my way back into the father's household,
  • 00:14:30.110 --> 00:14:33.000
  • "I'll have to become a servant."
  • 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:34.200
  • And there the father is waiting at the gate.
  • 00:14:34.200 --> 00:14:37.150
  • And the such a picture that doesn't mean so much to you
  • 00:14:37.150 --> 00:14:40.050
  • and I, but to people listening to Jesus,
  • 00:14:40.050 --> 00:14:41.250
  • it was shocking,
  • 00:14:41.250 --> 00:14:43.030
  • that the Father picks up his robes and runs,
  • 00:14:43.030 --> 00:14:45.160
  • that would never happen in Israel
  • 00:14:45.160 --> 00:14:48.000
  • and a patriarchal society, that a father would run.
  • 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:51.140
  • And what Jesus was trying to say is,
  • 00:14:51.140 --> 00:14:52.260
  • "Listen, you need to get it,
  • 00:14:52.260 --> 00:14:54.110
  • "the love of the Father is ridiculous."
  • 00:14:54.110 --> 00:14:56.190
  • It's not anything you're ever gonna experience.
  • 00:14:56.190 --> 00:14:59.000
  • Even if you've blown up 100 times,
  • 00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:01.180
  • the Father is waiting to welcome you back.
  • 00:15:01.180 --> 00:15:04.240
  • - You know, we started this conversation just talking about
  • 00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:07.120
  • like, victims, you know,
  • 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:08.190
  • and I think sometimes what gives people the hope
  • 00:15:10.010 --> 00:15:13.200
  • or women the hope to take the step out of there too,
  • 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:17.010
  • it's that right from my start as a victim.
  • 00:15:17.010 --> 00:15:20.050
  • And the truth is, we've all been a victim of something.
  • 00:15:20.050 --> 00:15:22.200
  • Whether it's, you know, racism or discrimination
  • 00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:26.040
  • or you're blonde, you must be stupid
  • 00:15:26.040 --> 00:15:27.210
  • or you're a woman, you can't teach,
  • 00:15:27.210 --> 00:15:29.070
  • whatever it would be, to the devastating disease victim.
  • 00:15:29.070 --> 00:15:33.110
  • I mean, we've all been a victim of something.
  • 00:15:33.110 --> 00:15:34.210
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:15:34.210 --> 00:15:36.060
  • - And so to me, then we all have a choice then what to do,
  • 00:15:36.060 --> 00:15:38.150
  • so then it's to become a survivor, right?
  • 00:15:38.150 --> 00:15:41.000
  • So that's the next step.
  • 00:15:41.000 --> 00:15:42.120
  • And I think there are times that people
  • 00:15:42.120 --> 00:15:45.040
  • do whatever they need to do to survive,
  • 00:15:45.040 --> 00:15:47.140
  • and that's where there's no judgment.
  • 00:15:47.140 --> 00:15:49.080
  • It's like you do what you need to do to survive.
  • 00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:51.160
  • And I knew there were women in my world
  • 00:15:51.160 --> 00:15:53.280
  • that I've kind of walked with who were victims
  • 00:15:53.280 --> 00:15:55.260
  • of horrific abuse and sexual abuses children.
  • 00:15:55.260 --> 00:15:59.100
  • And to survive then they gained a lot of weight,
  • 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:02.200
  • so they would be unattractive.
  • 00:16:02.200 --> 00:16:03.270
  • So it was a protection mechanism for them.
  • 00:16:03.270 --> 00:16:07.100
  • And so, okay, that's how you survive.
  • 00:16:07.100 --> 00:16:09.210
  • Okay, no judgment here, survive.
  • 00:16:09.210 --> 00:16:12.020
  • But the goal is not to just to survive,
  • 00:16:12.020 --> 00:16:14.260
  • the goal is to become that overcomer.
  • 00:16:14.260 --> 00:16:16.250
  • But because the overcomer,
  • 00:16:16.250 --> 00:16:18.100
  • the difference between surviving to me,
  • 00:16:18.100 --> 00:16:20.000
  • and I'm thinking about an overcoming,
  • 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.100
  • is overcomer help somebody else.
  • 00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:23.110
  • By surviving is all here.
  • 00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:24.210
  • - All about you.
  • 00:16:24.210 --> 00:16:26.060
  • - It's all about you and that's okay for a season,
  • 00:16:26.060 --> 00:16:27.140
  • you got to get there,
  • 00:16:27.140 --> 00:16:28.090
  • that is survive.
  • 00:16:28.090 --> 00:16:29.270
  • I put the goal then,
  • 00:16:29.270 --> 00:16:31.150
  • how can my life help somebody else?
  • 00:16:31.150 --> 00:16:34.270
  • But we've all been victim of something.
  • 00:16:34.270 --> 00:16:37.080
  • And I just have found that sometimes people stay there,
  • 00:16:38.210 --> 00:16:43.080
  • and they stay seeing themselves as a victim,
  • 00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:47.000
  • and that's not the goal.
  • 00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:49.230
  • And I remember years ago when the horrible tsunami
  • 00:16:51.060 --> 00:16:55.240
  • raged through Thailand,
  • 00:16:57.220 --> 00:16:59.250
  • I remember seeing images of people who were victims,
  • 00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:04.030
  • they were just victims of that water edges took them away,
  • 00:17:04.030 --> 00:17:09.030
  • like, immediately, you could just see it gone.
  • 00:17:10.080 --> 00:17:11.230
  • And then there were the pictures of the survivors.
  • 00:17:11.230 --> 00:17:14.060
  • The survivor is somebody who grabbed onto a tree
  • 00:17:14.060 --> 00:17:17.030
  • or they grabbed onto a rail of a balcony
  • 00:17:17.030 --> 00:17:20.110
  • or something they were holding on.
  • 00:17:20.110 --> 00:17:21.280
  • So survivor, they do whatever they needed to do to survive.
  • 00:17:21.280 --> 00:17:25.040
  • And surviving is good.
  • 00:17:25.040 --> 00:17:26.130
  • Surviving means you're alive another day.
  • 00:17:26.130 --> 00:17:29.120
  • Surviving is good.
  • 00:17:29.120 --> 00:17:30.190
  • You do what you need to do to survive,
  • 00:17:30.190 --> 00:17:31.190
  • whatever that is.
  • 00:17:31.190 --> 00:17:32.190
  • Surviving is good.
  • 00:17:32.190 --> 00:17:33.260
  • But again, that's not the goal, right?
  • 00:17:33.260 --> 00:17:36.020
  • And then there were people
  • 00:17:36.020 --> 00:17:37.060
  • who are not only hanging on to surviving,
  • 00:17:37.060 --> 00:17:38.220
  • but then they start extending their hand
  • 00:17:38.220 --> 00:17:41.030
  • and bringing other people to safety,
  • 00:17:41.030 --> 00:17:43.140
  • they're rescuing other people.
  • 00:17:44.230 --> 00:17:46.110
  • And to me, that's the picture of the overcomer.
  • 00:17:46.110 --> 00:17:50.060
  • Is when not only are we
  • 00:17:50.060 --> 00:17:52.190
  • have gotten ourselves to a place of help,
  • 00:17:52.190 --> 00:17:54.180
  • but we're actually helping other people get there.
  • 00:17:54.180 --> 00:17:58.180
  • And sometimes I think that if we keep that in our mind,
  • 00:17:58.180 --> 00:18:02.080
  • so maybe you're struggling with an eating disorder,
  • 00:18:02.080 --> 00:18:07.080
  • and I've worked and known dozens and dozens
  • 00:18:08.120 --> 00:18:10.290
  • of women who have,
  • 00:18:10.290 --> 00:18:12.020
  • but can I just say, they're on the other side of it now.
  • 00:18:13.160 --> 00:18:16.060
  • They've gotten past it.
  • 00:18:16.060 --> 00:18:18.070
  • And now, so many of them are helping other women do that,
  • 00:18:18.070 --> 00:18:21.150
  • get free.
  • 00:18:21.150 --> 00:18:22.200
  • And so I just wanna give you hope,
  • 00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:24.120
  • that you might feel like your victim of it right now,
  • 00:18:24.120 --> 00:18:26.160
  • and you're doing whatever you can to survive,
  • 00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:28.080
  • but, I just give you the hope of one day being an overcomer
  • 00:18:28.080 --> 00:18:31.160
  • that you will help someone else get through the same thing.
  • 00:18:31.160 --> 00:18:35.010
  • And maybe that's all you needed to hear,
  • 00:18:35.010 --> 00:18:37.070
  • was that you can also one day be that overcomer.
  • 00:18:37.070 --> 00:18:40.260
  • - I heard a doctor, Dr. Nida,
  • 00:18:40.260 --> 00:18:42.280
  • she's a psychologist and she said,
  • 00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:45.110
  • "We know how to survive, but do we know how to live?"
  • 00:18:45.110 --> 00:18:49.100
  • And everybody don't know how to live.
  • 00:18:49.100 --> 00:18:51.210
  • And it's sad because the Bible talks about
  • 00:18:51.210 --> 00:18:53.290
  • how God came to give life and give it more abundantly.
  • 00:18:53.290 --> 00:18:58.010
  • He came for us to live, to have a life and to enjoy life,
  • 00:18:58.010 --> 00:19:02.200
  • and to have it more abundantly.
  • 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:04.130
  • But what we do here is just survive,
  • 00:19:04.130 --> 00:19:07.200
  • and that's not the abundant life.
  • 00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:09.170
  • - That's not the goal.
  • 00:19:09.170 --> 00:19:10.240
  • - That's not the goal, that's not the goal.
  • 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:12.070
  • And so I'm praying that our viewers
  • 00:19:12.070 --> 00:19:14.010
  • if they are experiencing any form of domestic violence,
  • 00:19:14.010 --> 00:19:16.260
  • that they would make a decision to get out of it,
  • 00:19:16.260 --> 00:19:19.280
  • to call, to get help, to do whatever they have to do,
  • 00:19:19.280 --> 00:19:23.120
  • to create a plan to escape,
  • 00:19:23.120 --> 00:19:26.220
  • because they are not here in this earth to just survive,
  • 00:19:26.220 --> 00:19:31.150
  • but they have been planted here in this earth to live
  • 00:19:31.150 --> 00:19:34.130
  • and to have God's best.
  • 00:19:34.130 --> 00:19:36.080
  • And that's what I'm believing God for,
  • 00:19:36.080 --> 00:19:37.200
  • that they get out today.
  • 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:39.040
  • - My father was a very loving, amazing, I adored my dad,
  • 00:19:39.040 --> 00:19:43.030
  • but he had a massive brain injury
  • 00:19:43.030 --> 00:19:44.200
  • that changed his personality.
  • 00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:46.080
  • So from being the safe place,
  • 00:19:46.080 --> 00:19:48.090
  • he became kind of unpredictable.
  • 00:19:48.090 --> 00:19:50.150
  • It's like living with Jekyll and Hyde,
  • 00:19:50.150 --> 00:19:52.190
  • you just didn't know
  • 00:19:52.190 --> 00:19:53.260
  • which one was gonna wake up that morning.
  • 00:19:53.260 --> 00:19:55.050
  • Was it gonna be the one who still loved you
  • 00:19:55.050 --> 00:19:56.250
  • or the one who hated you.
  • 00:19:56.250 --> 00:19:58.290
  • - That's just got to be the hardest thing.
  • 00:19:58.290 --> 00:20:02.110
  • - Well, the last time I ever looked at my dad's eyes
  • 00:20:02.110 --> 00:20:04.200
  • was the day that I fought back.
  • 00:20:04.200 --> 00:20:07.040
  • He tried to end my life and I fought back.
  • 00:20:07.040 --> 00:20:09.280
  • And he was carried out by five men that day
  • 00:20:09.280 --> 00:20:12.010
  • and taken to what was called
  • 00:20:12.010 --> 00:20:13.090
  • our local lunatic asylum back then.
  • 00:20:13.090 --> 00:20:15.250
  • But what I remembered was the look in his eyes,
  • 00:20:15.250 --> 00:20:18.040
  • the look of absolute hatred.
  • 00:20:18.040 --> 00:20:20.010
  • And I remember thinking as a child,
  • 00:20:20.010 --> 00:20:22.020
  • if your own dad can hate you,
  • 00:20:22.020 --> 00:20:24.010
  • there's something really wrong with you.
  • 00:20:24.010 --> 00:20:26.010
  • So I spent so much of my life,
  • 00:20:26.010 --> 00:20:28.040
  • I mean, I gave my life to Christ at 11,
  • 00:20:28.040 --> 00:20:29.270
  • but my thing is, okay, I have to behave for God,
  • 00:20:29.270 --> 00:20:32.220
  • because of my earthly dad could hate me, God could too.
  • 00:20:32.220 --> 00:20:36.010
  • And even all the us through my five years
  • 00:20:36.010 --> 00:20:38.020
  • of hosting The 700 Club,
  • 00:20:38.020 --> 00:20:39.200
  • I had this wall up around my life,
  • 00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:42.020
  • you know, you need me, I am there for you.
  • 00:20:42.020 --> 00:20:45.040
  • But I would never have dreamt of letting anybody back in
  • 00:20:45.040 --> 00:20:47.110
  • because you might see what he saw.
  • 00:20:47.110 --> 00:20:49.170
  • And that's why I had to fight
  • 00:20:49.170 --> 00:20:52.080
  • to find a relationship with God,
  • 00:20:52.080 --> 00:20:54.290
  • that was based on nothing I brought to the table.
  • 00:20:54.290 --> 00:20:57.260
  • Maybe we'll talk about that this week.
  • 00:20:57.260 --> 00:20:59.060
  • It took the end of everything.
  • 00:20:59.060 --> 00:21:01.280
  • Sometimes God will take you to prison to set you free.
  • 00:21:01.280 --> 00:21:05.010
  • - It's true.
  • 00:21:05.010 --> 00:21:06.150
  • - So as you know, for me growing up with my parents,
  • 00:21:06.150 --> 00:21:09.110
  • they have their share of issues in their marriage
  • 00:21:09.110 --> 00:21:12.080
  • that could be at some extremes difficult
  • 00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:15.290
  • and painful for my mom.
  • 00:21:15.290 --> 00:21:17.260
  • But she had come to faith,
  • 00:21:17.260 --> 00:21:20.030
  • literally two years before she was pregnant with me.
  • 00:21:20.030 --> 00:21:23.010
  • So, I was born into a sanctified womb.
  • 00:21:23.010 --> 00:21:26.190
  • And she was a woman of prayer.
  • 00:21:27.220 --> 00:21:31.060
  • And although she decided
  • 00:21:31.060 --> 00:21:32.160
  • to stay in the marriage with my father,
  • 00:21:32.160 --> 00:21:34.110
  • and they've been married now for over 50 years,
  • 00:21:34.110 --> 00:21:36.210
  • it was very difficult for us growing up.
  • 00:21:36.210 --> 00:21:39.100
  • But there's what was interesting to me
  • 00:21:39.100 --> 00:21:41.090
  • is that my mom was a faithful woman of God,
  • 00:21:41.090 --> 00:21:43.270
  • faithful servant in God's house.
  • 00:21:43.270 --> 00:21:45.210
  • No huge titles, her job was to clean the church,
  • 00:21:45.210 --> 00:21:49.070
  • wipe down the benches, prepare communion,
  • 00:21:49.070 --> 00:21:51.260
  • visit the sick,
  • 00:21:51.260 --> 00:21:53.050
  • she just did the work of the kingdom,
  • 00:21:53.050 --> 00:21:55.130
  • and she loved Jesus.
  • 00:21:55.130 --> 00:21:57.090
  • And she actually created the atmosphere in our home
  • 00:21:57.090 --> 00:22:01.090
  • of peace.
  • 00:22:01.090 --> 00:22:02.160
  • She couldn't walk away from my father.
  • 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:04.030
  • She couldn't fathom the idea
  • 00:22:04.030 --> 00:22:05.080
  • that she could live life divorced.
  • 00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:08.000
  • And for us, it was a huge sacrifice that she made.
  • 00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:11.150
  • I don't know that I could do what she did,
  • 00:22:11.150 --> 00:22:14.080
  • but what I do know is that she's still today,
  • 00:22:14.080 --> 00:22:18.000
  • one of the most joy-filled people you would know.
  • 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:20.220
  • And she'll tell you, it's the presence of God in my life.
  • 00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:24.040
  • And she would not let the battles and the difficulties
  • 00:22:24.040 --> 00:22:26.270
  • and the challenges in her marriage affect her spirit.
  • 00:22:26.270 --> 00:22:30.240
  • I just don't know how she did that.
  • 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:32.010
  • But I guess I do because I would get up
  • 00:22:32.010 --> 00:22:33.250
  • in the middle of the night like a little girl
  • 00:22:33.250 --> 00:22:36.000
  • to use the restroom and she'd be on her knees
  • 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:37.210
  • by her bedside.
  • 00:22:37.210 --> 00:22:39.020
  • She'd be praying with the Bible open.
  • 00:22:39.020 --> 00:22:41.020
  • And she created an atmosphere in my home of peace
  • 00:22:41.020 --> 00:22:44.170
  • despite the turmoil that existed.
  • 00:22:44.170 --> 00:22:47.010
  • And so I think that also made me fall in love with Jesus
  • 00:22:47.010 --> 00:22:50.150
  • as a young girl,
  • 00:22:50.150 --> 00:22:51.180
  • because I knew that amidst life,
  • 00:22:51.180 --> 00:22:54.240
  • God can do things in you,
  • 00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:58.060
  • despite what's around you.
  • 00:22:58.060 --> 00:22:59.150
  • - Peace in the middle of the storm.
  • 00:22:59.150 --> 00:23:00.240
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:02.090
  • - It's a tricky, you know, thing I think in a home
  • 00:23:02.090 --> 00:23:05.060
  • as when to stay in one to go.
  • 00:23:05.060 --> 00:23:07.190
  • You know, I think, I guess for me,
  • 00:23:07.190 --> 00:23:09.070
  • it would be when it becomes dangerous,
  • 00:23:09.070 --> 00:23:12.250
  • when it's dangerous for you or your children,
  • 00:23:12.250 --> 00:23:14.240
  • you need to leave.
  • 00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:16.100
  • Then sometimes that actually forces the help to happen.
  • 00:23:17.230 --> 00:23:21.250
  • But as long as you're covering or in denial,
  • 00:23:21.250 --> 00:23:26.020
  • then there's no help that comes in there.
  • 00:23:26.020 --> 00:23:28.140
  • But it's like when you in it,
  • 00:23:28.140 --> 00:23:31.000
  • yeah, I just think when it gets dangerous,
  • 00:23:31.000 --> 00:23:32.070
  • you got to get out.
  • 00:23:32.070 --> 00:23:33.220
  • 'Cause then help can't come till you and enter the spouse.
  • 00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:36.260
  • - And you are the only one that can determine it right,
  • 00:23:38.090 --> 00:23:40.060
  • nobody else can determine it for you.
  • 00:23:40.060 --> 00:23:42.220
  • Your mom had to know, she was still in a safe place,
  • 00:23:42.220 --> 00:23:46.150
  • even though it was unhealthy,
  • 00:23:46.150 --> 00:23:48.210
  • but physically speaking,
  • 00:23:48.210 --> 00:23:50.120
  • she knew that it wasn't gonna bring any harm.
  • 00:23:50.120 --> 00:23:53.010
  • - I probably wouldn't advise anybody
  • 00:23:53.010 --> 00:23:54.150
  • to stay in a lot of what she went through
  • 00:23:54.150 --> 00:23:56.140
  • to be honest with you, and I'm a pastor.
  • 00:23:56.140 --> 00:23:59.020
  • But what I am a witness to
  • 00:23:59.020 --> 00:24:01.060
  • is the presence of God in her life.
  • 00:24:01.060 --> 00:24:03.160
  • And she's the sweetest, most joy-filled,
  • 00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:06.160
  • positive wisdom-filled woman,
  • 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:09.010
  • like, she will talk to anybody,
  • 00:24:09.010 --> 00:24:11.100
  • and really what the strength and her story is,
  • 00:24:11.100 --> 00:24:14.180
  • God will sustain you through the choices you make
  • 00:24:14.180 --> 00:24:17.290
  • to honor Him for yourself.
  • 00:24:17.290 --> 00:24:21.020
  • And so that looks different for everybody, right?
  • 00:24:21.020 --> 00:24:23.120
  • - But Crouch what she modeled for you,
  • 00:24:23.120 --> 00:24:24.100
  • was that she was not a victim.
  • 00:24:24.100 --> 00:24:26.190
  • She was an overcomer,
  • 00:24:26.190 --> 00:24:28.000
  • the situation that did not overcome her.
  • 00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:30.040
  • - And I think you have that choice too.
  • 00:24:30.040 --> 00:24:31.280
  • It's like again, we've all been victim to something, right?
  • 00:24:31.280 --> 00:24:34.260
  • So, then we can get bitter.
  • 00:24:34.260 --> 00:24:37.100
  • - Or better.
  • 00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:39.110
  • - Or better.
  • 00:24:39.110 --> 00:24:40.160
  • You know, we can get better,
  • 00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:42.010
  • and there were times in my life where I could feel
  • 00:24:42.010 --> 00:24:43.170
  • that bitterness coming,
  • 00:24:43.170 --> 00:24:44.240
  • 'cause just stuck in one battle after another,
  • 00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:47.210
  • it can get cynical, or exhausted or bitter,
  • 00:24:48.260 --> 00:24:50.210
  • and I just didn't wanna be that old woman.
  • 00:24:50.210 --> 00:24:52.190
  • And I could see myself headed that way, right?
  • 00:24:52.190 --> 00:24:54.280
  • And so you have this choice to stay bitter
  • 00:24:54.280 --> 00:24:57.220
  • or to no,
  • 00:24:57.220 --> 00:24:58.170
  • I'm gonna forgive people.
  • 00:25:00.100 --> 00:25:02.060
  • Sometimes it's every 30 seconds.
  • 00:25:02.060 --> 00:25:04.040
  • Like forgiving.
  • 00:25:05.010 --> 00:25:06.050
  • Right?
  • 00:25:06.050 --> 00:25:07.000
  • Men!
  • 00:25:07.280 --> 00:25:09.060
  • - And I blow past that seven times.
  • 00:25:09.060 --> 00:25:10.160
  • - Each time absolutely.
  • 00:25:13.180 --> 00:25:16.000
  • - I always say like
  • 00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:17.120
  • when you withhold forgiveness from somebody,
  • 00:25:17.120 --> 00:25:19.100
  • that the withholding has more to do with you
  • 00:25:19.100 --> 00:25:21.050
  • than it does with them, right?
  • 00:25:21.050 --> 00:25:22.100
  • So you all know that.
  • 00:25:22.100 --> 00:25:23.110
  • But I say,
  • 00:25:24.100 --> 00:25:25.220
  • if somebody's name owns a reaction in you,
  • 00:25:26.280 --> 00:25:29.290
  • then they own you.
  • 00:25:29.290 --> 00:25:31.110
  • You don't wanna be owned by anybody,
  • 00:25:31.110 --> 00:25:32.250
  • especially somebody who's harmed you.
  • 00:25:32.250 --> 00:25:34.040
  • So inviting Jesus to help you
  • 00:25:34.040 --> 00:25:36.190
  • to release those people.
  • 00:25:36.190 --> 00:25:38.060
  • - I think forgiveness is God's gift
  • 00:25:38.060 --> 00:25:40.160
  • to live in a world that's not fair.
  • 00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:42.090
  • It's not something He makes us do,
  • 00:25:42.090 --> 00:25:44.000
  • it's a gift to live in a world that's not fair.
  • 00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:46.150
  • - Hey, so if you are watching today
  • 00:25:46.150 --> 00:25:48.120
  • and you are found in that place of abuse and trauma
  • 00:25:48.120 --> 00:25:52.100
  • and going through so many different things
  • 00:25:52.100 --> 00:25:54.280
  • in your relationship,
  • 00:25:54.280 --> 00:25:56.160
  • identify that today
  • 00:25:56.160 --> 00:25:58.050
  • and begin to make a decision for yourself.
  • 00:25:58.050 --> 00:26:01.120
  • Let somebody know what you're going through,
  • 00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:04.230
  • there is help for you.
  • 00:26:04.230 --> 00:26:06.210
  • You don't have to suffer in silence.
  • 00:26:06.210 --> 00:26:08.270
  • You can use your voice.
  • 00:26:08.270 --> 00:26:10.220
  • Don't be afraid today.
  • 00:26:10.220 --> 00:26:12.180
  • Let me pray for you.
  • 00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:13.290
  • Father, in the name of Jesus,
  • 00:26:13.290 --> 00:26:15.120
  • I pray that that warrior on the inside of them
  • 00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:18.200
  • will rise big on today,
  • 00:26:18.200 --> 00:26:20.230
  • that they will begin to use their voice
  • 00:26:20.230 --> 00:26:22.230
  • to empower themselves,
  • 00:26:22.230 --> 00:26:24.180
  • that you will send them the necessary help
  • 00:26:24.180 --> 00:26:27.050
  • to get out of that abusive situation.
  • 00:26:27.050 --> 00:26:29.270
  • Satan we serve you notice, you have no power,
  • 00:26:29.270 --> 00:26:33.010
  • no authority over their lives,
  • 00:26:33.010 --> 00:26:34.230
  • and I command you to flee now,
  • 00:26:34.230 --> 00:26:37.000
  • in the name of Jesus.
  • 00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.220
  • Father, I speak peace to their soul,
  • 00:26:38.220 --> 00:26:41.050
  • I speak joy to their spirit,
  • 00:26:41.050 --> 00:26:43.120
  • that they will rise up and make a difference.
  • 00:26:43.120 --> 00:26:46.020
  • Change your posture and position in Jesus name, amen.
  • 00:26:46.020 --> 00:26:50.050
  • - [Announcer] You can call the number
  • 00:26:51.100 --> 00:26:52.250
  • on your screen right now to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:52.250 --> 00:26:54.160
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day,
  • 00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:56.220
  • seven days a week.
  • 00:26:56.220 --> 00:26:58.020
  • We love you and most importantly,
  • 00:26:58.020 --> 00:26:59.180
  • God loves you.
  • 00:26:59.180 --> 00:27:00.160
  • - As you better together family,
  • 00:27:01.120 --> 00:27:04.130
  • we want you to know that no one deserves abuse.
  • 00:27:04.130 --> 00:27:08.010
  • Do not suffer in silence.
  • 00:27:08.010 --> 00:27:09.280
  • Call the number on your screen to get help today.
  • 00:27:09.280 --> 00:27:12.170
  • - [Announcer] Next time on Better Together.
  • 00:27:15.130 --> 00:27:17.260
  • - Also Psalm 34 says the Lord is close to the brokenhearted
  • 00:27:17.260 --> 00:27:22.050
  • and saves those who are crushed at spirit.
  • 00:27:22.050 --> 00:27:25.080
  • - [Announcer] watch Better Together weekdays
  • 00:27:25.080 --> 00:27:27.010
  • and Tuesday nights only on TBN.
  • 00:27:27.010 --> 00:27:30.000