The Journey of Adoption | Better Together | TBN

The Journey of Adoption | Better Together

Watch The Journey of Adoption | Better Together
March 19, 2020
26:00

How can we support adoptive and foster families? Whether you are a biological; adoptive; or spiritual parent; we’re sharing our stories and celebrating how adoption touches every life. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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The Journey of Adoption | Better Together

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  • - Today, we havethree adoptive mums
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  • sharing their stories with us.
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  • Their precious familiesare a result of dedication,
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  • hard work, and a lot of love.
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  • It beautifully illustratesGod's love for us
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  • and his heart for adoption.
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  • Come on and join us.
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  • - For me, the journey ofadoption was very interesting.
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  • I did it through fostercare and before I begin,
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  • there's like a stigma that'ssurrounding foster care
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  • and adoption and no one, noteven a biological families
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  • are really in support of
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  • their children beingadopted to a certain extent.
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  • And I got a lot of, "Oh,better you than me",
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  • or "what if they grow up
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  • and then your son wants todance with his biological mum
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  • at his wedding" anddifferent things like that.
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  • Nothing was really encouraging,especially from Christians.
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  • You would think becausethis is the heart of God,
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  • we've been adoptedinto God's family,
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  • that you would have alittle more support.
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  • So for me it wasone of the things
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  • where I had to stoptalking to people about it
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  • and just do it and show them
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  • because they wanted to know,
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  • well how do yougirls feel about it?
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  • And then after Iadopted my second son,
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  • "don't you want theson of your own?"
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  • And they mean well, but
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  • if sometimes they mean well,
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  • but, you know they're ignorant
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  • because theyhaven't been taught.
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  • And I will teach you.
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  • so my thing is,
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  • Oh, don't ever say that to me.
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  • Like, that is myown, that is my boy.
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  • You know, no matter what,
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  • if he wants to dancewith his biological mum,
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  • then we will have to dance this.
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  • 'Cause primarilythe real mum thing,
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  • like we stay away from that.
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  • Know I am your real mum
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  • because I am the one whowas here every single day.
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  • So for me, I didn'thave much support.
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  • My parents did well with beingas supportive as possible.
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  • My mum, she doesn't reallylike to get too attached,
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  • especially for fostering
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  • because you don'tknow if they'll go.
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  • But my dad, he's like all in,
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  • he sings this songnow and to my baby
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  • and she like lights up and shefinishes the end of the song.
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  • So to have more supportfrom the Christian community
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  • and even with my children,
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  • because everybody doesn'thave a bad adoption story,
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  • every child doesn't grow upwith that hole in their heart.
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  • And a lot of the times Iteach that hole is Jesus.
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  • The ones who have thosestories where they feel like,
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  • well, I never fit anywhere.
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  • It's because you'remissing Jesus.
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  • - That's right,yeah, that's right.
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  • - Not your biological connection
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  • and I do hold thatto a certain esteem.
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  • So I do keep in contact withmy son's biological mums
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  • because they'll have questions.
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  • You know, I'm notafraid of that.
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  • Like my thing is you,
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  • they will never be ableto replace who I am
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  • and my children's lives.
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  • And I don't fear that at all.
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  • So I'm very open.
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  • I have some pictures
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  • and I will ask themdifferent questions.
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  • My boys don't talk to them
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  • because there's somethings that need to happen
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  • before that happens.
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  • But as I go along andpeople are watching,
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  • that's when the support came.
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  • And it's always amazingwhat you're doing
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  • for these children.
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  • I'm like, they'renot charity cases.
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  • They're my children.
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  • - That drives me.
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  • - Don't do that to me, they are,
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  • don't make them a charity case.
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  • - But it's totalmisunderstanding of adoption.
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  • I'm like, you give that[Inaudible] we are adopted
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  • and this is a spiritual concept
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  • and parenting isnot paid by numbers.
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  • And so if you talk towise biological parents,
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  • they'll go, Ooh, it'sdifferent for every child.
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  • I've got an [inaudible] as I go.
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  • God is revealingnew things to me.
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  • There's this redemptiveprogressious, progressive
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  • redemption, my parenting.
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  • But with Missy,
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  • Southeastern traditionalchurch culture tends
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  • to be more positive aboutthe idea of adoption.
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  • And so I had a lot ofsupport from Christians,
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  • although I did havemultiple Christians tell me,
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  • - It's like, have support.
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  • - It is, well, I got a lot of ,
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  • "you're subvertingGod's sovereigntybecause you're single".
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  • And so I got a lot of that.
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  • And then the transracial,I got a lot of,
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  • "you're subvertingGod's sovereignty
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  • to adopt a child from Haiti".
  • 00:05:01.557 --> 00:05:03.393
  • Well, I do letoptions fall through.
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  • - 'cause that's not theway God would want it done.
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  • - God wouldn't want a Haitianchild with an old pale momma.
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  • - Oh Lord!
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  • - So I got a lot of that.
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  • - When they make it sound godly.
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  • - And you know, you can,I think a lot of times
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  • you said a key word theyjust have never experienced.
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  • - Yes, they haven'texperienced it.
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  • - 'Cause there werepeople in my own family
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  • who were very opposedadopting Missy
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  • both because she had HIV.
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  • Both because she is from Haiti.
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  • Both because I was old,
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  • because I was single andthen they see it modeled
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  • and they go, Oh wow.
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  • I would have never guessed.
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  • - I have a lot of peoplewho are now interested
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  • in foster care andadoption because they see.
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  • And I told my husband,
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  • I think people whoreally want to adopt,
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  • it's almost nerve wrecking
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  • because you don't feel that.
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  • And it almostmakes you feel like
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  • you won't be able to do it.
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  • So my thing is I'mshowing my family,
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  • this is how the family of God,
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  • this is what we're going toshow the world, His family.
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  • - He sets thelonely in families.
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  • It's all through scripture.
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  • And adoption is not a higherway, it's another way.
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  • - Right.
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  • - So you see itmodeled in scripture.
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  • It's like I don't thinkadoption is more missional
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  • or less significant.
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  • I'm her momma becauseGod chose me her momma,
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  • she has a first momma who died,
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  • who I can't waitto meet in glory.
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  • And so I'm like, if we,
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  • but it's Missy and I thinkpeople want it to be cleaner.
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  • They want to be ableto put this box around
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  • what parenting lookslike in your life,
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  • - Doesn't make it cleaner.
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  • - That's right.
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  • (mumbles)
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  • - I wish I had thebiological experience.
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  • I would've loved a baby daddy,
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  • but at least God did notgive me that, So yeah.
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  • - You hear so manydifferent things.
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  • So to have some type of support
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  • and someone to tell youthat this is awesome.
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  • And for someone to bethere for me to be able
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  • to share my story with my child,
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  • with you and younot look at me like,
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  • Oh, that's because it'syou adopted their child.
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  • No, I just needsomebody to help me
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  • tell my story of my child,
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  • of them being very disobedient,
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  • just like any other kid,whether they're adopted or not.
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  • I need somebody tobe understanding.
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  • So I believe that in this world,
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  • who could be soentitled to have people
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  • who would just chooseto gather around you
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  • and choose to supportyou in your decision.
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  • If you know someonewho is adopting
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  • or who is thinking of adopting,
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  • don't go tell them storiesof your auntie, sister,
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  • cousin brother who adoptedor who fosters some child
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  • with some major trauma issues.
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  • Save that story.
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  • Tell them, you know what,
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  • if you're reallyinterested in this,
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  • I am going to support you andwe'll figure it out together.
  • 00:08:01.037 --> 00:08:04.006
  • - My journey is alittle different
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  • because both of minewere infant adoptions.
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  • I got my son about threehours after he was born.
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  • In 12:13 I hit himup at three o'clock.
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  • And i got to be withhim those first nights
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  • and knew his birth mother
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  • and my daughter about 30 days.
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  • We had a little waitingperiod with her,
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  • with birth father and stuff.
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  • And so they're just my kids.
  • 00:08:23.859 --> 00:08:25.928
  • Then only once I rememberlike it comes up,
  • 00:08:25.928 --> 00:08:29.332
  • Oh, there they are adopted.
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  • And we've been reallytransparent with our church
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  • back home in Texas.
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  • And it has, especially in theAfrican American community,
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  • it has just been an eye opener
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  • because our community tends
  • 00:08:42.645 --> 00:08:45.915
  • to take pregnant girlsand they either abort
  • 00:08:45.915 --> 00:08:50.920
  • or they say, we canparent, we can do this.
  • 00:08:52.054 --> 00:08:53.189
  • The family will worry.
  • 00:08:53.189 --> 00:08:54.423
  • That's what we dowith the survivors.
  • 00:08:54.423 --> 00:08:56.592
  • So I think our journeyhas opened them up to,
  • 00:08:56.592 --> 00:08:59.795
  • Oh, there's other options.
  • 00:08:59.795 --> 00:09:02.064
  • There's a sense ofgratitude I have
  • 00:09:02.064 --> 00:09:04.400
  • for my children's birth mothers.
  • 00:09:04.400 --> 00:09:06.569
  • They get gifts andI sing their praises
  • 00:09:06.569 --> 00:09:09.438
  • because I remembereven my son, the mum,
  • 00:09:09.438 --> 00:09:12.241
  • she did not want to meethim after he was born
  • 00:09:12.241 --> 00:09:15.044
  • because she justdidn't really trust
  • 00:09:15.044 --> 00:09:16.412
  • that heart will stay in shape.
  • 00:09:16.412 --> 00:09:18.581
  • And she knew whatshe needed to do.
  • 00:09:18.581 --> 00:09:20.249
  • She said, well, you justtell him that I only did this
  • 00:09:20.249 --> 00:09:22.518
  • because I love him.
  • 00:09:22.518 --> 00:09:23.719
  • And I was like, yeah, so.
  • 00:09:23.719 --> 00:09:27.356
  • For me it's sucha precious thing
  • 00:09:27.356 --> 00:09:30.760
  • to know that a young woman
  • 00:09:30.760 --> 00:09:34.363
  • who might not have beenin the ideal situation
  • 00:09:34.363 --> 00:09:36.565
  • didn't feel like shehad family support
  • 00:09:36.565 --> 00:09:38.467
  • or companion chose tocarry a baby to term
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  • to give that babyto another family.
  • 00:09:42.505 --> 00:09:45.141
  • And so I, for me thereis pride and gratitude
  • 00:09:45.141 --> 00:09:49.645
  • and all these things andhowever God crashed your story.
  • 00:09:49.645 --> 00:09:52.715
  • And so I hope thatanybody watching,
  • 00:09:52.715 --> 00:09:56.852
  • there's so many waysyou can touch adoption.
  • 00:09:56.852 --> 00:09:59.055
  • You know, if you don't,
  • 00:09:59.055 --> 00:10:00.823
  • maybe you're not goingto adopt your own,
  • 00:10:00.823 --> 00:10:02.858
  • but maybe you know a singleyoung woman who is pregnant
  • 00:10:02.858 --> 00:10:06.362
  • or maybe you know a familythat's contemplating in it
  • 00:10:06.362 --> 00:10:09.098
  • and they'restruggling between IVF
  • 00:10:09.098 --> 00:10:11.000
  • and all these other things.
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  • There's just so many ways
  • 00:10:13.202 --> 00:10:14.670
  • that when the body ofChrist says this is viable
  • 00:10:14.670 --> 00:10:17.239
  • and good and healthy, it justchanges the way we see it.
  • 00:10:17.239 --> 00:10:20.943
  • You know, it'snot a last resort.
  • 00:10:20.943 --> 00:10:22.912
  • It's not a charity, it's notnothing like so's working.
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  • This is sometimes God'sfirst choice for us.
  • 00:10:26.248 --> 00:10:30.152
  • That's what I believe thatit was the first choice
  • 00:10:30.152 --> 00:10:32.621
  • that he was hisfirst choice person.
  • 00:10:32.621 --> 00:10:34.056
  • So it's, it's been a privilege.
  • 00:10:34.056 --> 00:10:36.125
  • I think we took for granted
  • 00:10:37.326 --> 00:10:38.861
  • that it's easy to getpregnant and start a family,
  • 00:10:38.861 --> 00:10:41.363
  • have a family becauseyou know, you look around
  • 00:10:41.363 --> 00:10:43.599
  • and everybody'sgetting pregnant,
  • 00:10:43.599 --> 00:10:44.900
  • everybody's starting families
  • 00:10:44.900 --> 00:10:46.168
  • and then you startto realize medically
  • 00:10:46.168 --> 00:10:48.137
  • it's actually verydifficult to get pregnant.
  • 00:10:48.137 --> 00:10:50.306
  • And so it's really a miracle
  • 00:10:50.306 --> 00:10:54.176
  • how all those things line up.
  • 00:10:54.176 --> 00:10:55.878
  • And there can bephysical things,
  • 00:10:55.878 --> 00:10:57.680
  • there can be emotional,mental things,
  • 00:10:57.680 --> 00:11:00.182
  • all kinds of things can getin the way of conception.
  • 00:11:00.182 --> 00:11:03.018
  • And quite honestlyfor me and my husband,
  • 00:11:03.018 --> 00:11:05.121
  • we never even dug deep into it.
  • 00:11:05.121 --> 00:11:06.822
  • We didn't do fertility testing,
  • 00:11:06.822 --> 00:11:08.657
  • we didn't do any of that.
  • 00:11:08.657 --> 00:11:10.092
  • When it didn't happen naturally,we saw my doctor one time,
  • 00:11:10.092 --> 00:11:12.795
  • she was like, you need to relax.
  • 00:11:12.795 --> 00:11:14.363
  • You've got too much going on.
  • 00:11:14.363 --> 00:11:15.865
  • Try this, try that, we triedfor a little while longer,
  • 00:11:15.865 --> 00:11:18.534
  • very naturally, whenit didn't happen,
  • 00:11:18.534 --> 00:11:20.402
  • we were like, okay,God, what's next?
  • 00:11:20.402 --> 00:11:22.071
  • And so I know that'snot everybody's journey,
  • 00:11:22.071 --> 00:11:24.640
  • but we just felt convinced.
  • 00:11:24.640 --> 00:11:26.075
  • I always wantedto foster anyway.
  • 00:11:26.075 --> 00:11:28.410
  • And when it wasn'thappening naturally,
  • 00:11:28.410 --> 00:11:30.246
  • I was like, okay, Ididn't really feel like,
  • 00:11:30.246 --> 00:11:31.714
  • Oh, I need to try tomake this thing happen.
  • 00:11:31.714 --> 00:11:34.383
  • I was like, okay God, youhave some other plan for us.
  • 00:11:34.383 --> 00:11:36.719
  • And we decided to adopt andit has changed our lives
  • 00:11:36.719 --> 00:11:40.489
  • like children do.
  • 00:11:40.489 --> 00:11:42.191
  • And it's been a process thatI never would have thought
  • 00:11:42.191 --> 00:11:46.362
  • how blessed I would havebeen out of this process.
  • 00:11:46.362 --> 00:11:50.366
  • Just seeing how God moved.
  • 00:11:50.366 --> 00:11:52.401
  • For us it was just thenext natural thing to do.
  • 00:11:52.401 --> 00:11:55.638
  • It was not even a last resort.
  • 00:11:55.638 --> 00:11:57.907
  • He was like, okay,we're going to adopt.
  • 00:11:57.907 --> 00:11:59.708
  • And so you might be wonderingwhat that means for you
  • 00:11:59.708 --> 00:12:03.245
  • and I would just encourageyou to consider that
  • 00:12:03.245 --> 00:12:05.514
  • not as a plan C or plan Dor plan E or last resort,
  • 00:12:05.514 --> 00:12:09.451
  • but that this couldbe the way that God
  • 00:12:09.451 --> 00:12:11.620
  • wants to build your family.
  • 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:12.988
  • Listen, let's stay connected.
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  • 00:12:30.239 --> 00:12:32.341
  • - My parents and ourchurch and my grandpa,
  • 00:12:39.682 --> 00:12:42.585
  • my grandmother, eventhey just blew us away
  • 00:12:42.585 --> 00:12:44.620
  • because we werekind of all prepared
  • 00:12:44.620 --> 00:12:46.889
  • with the spiel about howthis is good and Godly.
  • 00:12:46.889 --> 00:12:49.158
  • We're adopted assons and daughters
  • 00:12:49.158 --> 00:12:50.860
  • and we told her, theywere like, great,
  • 00:12:52.027 --> 00:12:53.929
  • when do we get tomeet these babies?
  • 00:12:53.929 --> 00:12:55.331
  • And I was like, Oh was that it?
  • 00:12:55.331 --> 00:12:56.966
  • (laughs)- Is that right?
  • 00:12:56.966 --> 00:12:58.667
  • - Because we havesome paperwork.
  • 00:12:58.667 --> 00:13:00.302
  • (mumbles)
  • 00:13:00.302 --> 00:13:01.237
  • And they were like, yeah, okay.
  • 00:13:01.237 --> 00:13:03.505
  • (mumbles) all right,
  • 00:13:03.505 --> 00:13:05.241
  • have your loved ones about it?
  • 00:13:05.241 --> 00:13:07.142
  • And so they are just,
  • 00:13:07.142 --> 00:13:08.544
  • and it's just been funnybecause now when they say things
  • 00:13:08.544 --> 00:13:11.647
  • like, Oh man, helooks just like yours.
  • 00:13:11.647 --> 00:13:13.616
  • She did, they're not eventhinking anything of it.
  • 00:13:13.616 --> 00:13:16.852
  • They were not eventrying to say,
  • 00:13:16.852 --> 00:13:18.554
  • They would say anything.
  • 00:13:18.554 --> 00:13:20.422
  • And so it's justbeen fascinating and
  • 00:13:20.422 --> 00:13:23.158
  • - My favorite hug ofonce adoption click,
  • 00:13:23.158 --> 00:13:26.362
  • it was like, yeah,
  • 00:13:26.362 --> 00:13:27.730
  • - Let's do this,
  • 00:13:27.730 --> 00:13:28.964
  • Oh my grand babies,they were like, right.
  • 00:13:28.964 --> 00:13:31.533
  • - It's definitelyone of those things
  • 00:13:31.533 --> 00:13:34.336
  • that I feel like weshould talk more about
  • 00:13:34.336 --> 00:13:37.373
  • because to take thestigma off of it
  • 00:13:37.373 --> 00:13:40.409
  • and to even help the kidsto feel comfortable in it.
  • 00:13:40.409 --> 00:13:44.079
  • Because I feel like whatwe talk about as adults,
  • 00:13:44.079 --> 00:13:47.316
  • they feel, and thenthey grow up like,
  • 00:13:47.316 --> 00:13:49.418
  • Oh yeah, I didn'thave this connection.
  • 00:13:49.418 --> 00:13:51.353
  • And it's like I try to makeit as normal as possible
  • 00:13:51.353 --> 00:13:55.124
  • for my kids where they feellike you should've been adopted.
  • 00:13:55.124 --> 00:13:58.928
  • Like my biological kids,where's my birth mother?
  • 00:13:58.928 --> 00:14:01.897
  • I am me,
  • 00:14:02.731 --> 00:14:03.899
  • (laughs)(mumbles)
  • 00:14:03.899 --> 00:14:08.904
  • you know, we make it exciting,
  • 00:14:09.838 --> 00:14:12.041
  • but then we teach,
  • 00:14:12.041 --> 00:14:14.009
  • just talking throughoutthe whole process
  • 00:14:14.009 --> 00:14:16.278
  • and talking to my kids too,
  • 00:14:16.278 --> 00:14:18.047
  • 'cause my baby wasyounger, he was a baby.
  • 00:14:18.047 --> 00:14:20.883
  • But my oldest son, he was six.
  • 00:14:20.883 --> 00:14:23.252
  • He had a very vividmemory of everything,
  • 00:14:23.252 --> 00:14:26.755
  • and I teach him, okay, we'renot trying to erase your past.
  • 00:14:26.755 --> 00:14:30.192
  • We're now trying to erase
  • 00:14:30.192 --> 00:14:31.427
  • who your biologicalmother was to you.
  • 00:14:31.427 --> 00:14:34.096
  • She's still a partof your story.
  • 00:14:34.096 --> 00:14:36.131
  • It sucked what happened to you.
  • 00:14:36.131 --> 00:14:37.733
  • However, what we donow is up to you.
  • 00:14:37.733 --> 00:14:40.869
  • You're a future, you candecide what that will be like.
  • 00:14:40.869 --> 00:14:44.707
  • We're not usingthis as a crutch.
  • 00:14:44.707 --> 00:14:47.109
  • Yes, you can be sad,we could have moments,
  • 00:14:47.109 --> 00:14:49.845
  • but I'm not lettingyou stay there.
  • 00:14:49.845 --> 00:14:51.647
  • - Baby I can't tell youwhy mama Marie died.
  • 00:14:52.781 --> 00:14:56.018
  • I can tell you I can'twait to get to heaven
  • 00:14:56.018 --> 00:15:00.556
  • and watch you runtoward mama Marie
  • 00:15:00.556 --> 00:15:02.691
  • and y'all hugging.
  • 00:15:02.691 --> 00:15:03.625
  • I'm gonna love her as hard
  • 00:15:03.625 --> 00:15:05.494
  • as I've ever lovedanother momma.
  • 00:15:05.494 --> 00:15:07.896
  • I love your mama,your first mama.
  • 00:15:07.896 --> 00:15:10.232
  • Because of your first mama,
  • 00:15:10.232 --> 00:15:12.034
  • I get to be your second mama.
  • 00:15:12.034 --> 00:15:13.769
  • So I don't just want her toremember that part of her story.
  • 00:15:13.769 --> 00:15:16.739
  • I want her to honorthat part of her story.
  • 00:15:16.739 --> 00:15:19.475
  • And that part of her storyinforms the rest of her story.
  • 00:15:19.475 --> 00:15:24.046
  • I'm not trying to makeMissy a white Tennesseean
  • 00:15:24.046 --> 00:15:28.584
  • with an old single mama.
  • 00:15:28.584 --> 00:15:30.886
  • My baby girl is the mostbeautiful Haitian daughter
  • 00:15:30.886 --> 00:15:34.890
  • of Marie Zhang and then she'sthe daughter of Lisa Harper.
  • 00:15:34.890 --> 00:15:39.094
  • All that informs thetrajectory of her life
  • 00:15:39.094 --> 00:15:42.398
  • and informs her understandingof our God is a good God.
  • 00:15:42.398 --> 00:15:46.902
  • Even when life ishard, our God is good.
  • 00:15:46.902 --> 00:15:50.272
  • So not only do I want her to go
  • 00:15:50.272 --> 00:15:53.242
  • wherever God's Holyspirit blows her,
  • 00:15:53.242 --> 00:15:55.944
  • I want herfoundations to include
  • 00:15:55.944 --> 00:15:58.914
  • the love of her first momma
  • 00:15:58.914 --> 00:16:00.449
  • and the fact that sheis a beautiful Haitian,
  • 00:16:00.449 --> 00:16:04.453
  • bright, amazingmiracle of a kid.
  • 00:16:04.453 --> 00:16:08.123
  • - We started like justlog on YouTube about it
  • 00:16:08.624 --> 00:16:11.393
  • and people see itand they're like,
  • 00:16:11.393 --> 00:16:13.695
  • Oh man, I can do this,I want to get a kid
  • 00:16:13.695 --> 00:16:17.733
  • or I want to get an older kid,
  • 00:16:17.733 --> 00:16:19.134
  • or I could foster,you know, I can adopt
  • 00:16:19.134 --> 00:16:21.637
  • and my son is so vocal about it.
  • 00:16:21.637 --> 00:16:23.605
  • He's like I'm
  • 00:16:23.605 --> 00:16:25.174
  • He's like I'm so grateful.
  • 00:16:27.976 --> 00:16:29.545
  • He just told me before we left.
  • 00:16:29.545 --> 00:16:31.413
  • He said, I'm just sograteful for adoption.
  • 00:16:31.413 --> 00:16:34.183
  • He said it and I'm so grateful
  • 00:16:34.183 --> 00:16:35.751
  • that my birth momloved me enough tomake sure I had better.
  • 00:16:35.751 --> 00:16:39.521
  • He said and I knowsometimes you wonder
  • 00:16:39.521 --> 00:16:41.757
  • if I want to go back.
  • 00:16:41.757 --> 00:16:42.925
  • He said, I don't.
  • 00:16:42.925 --> 00:16:44.126
  • He's said, I dowant her to be happy
  • 00:16:44.126 --> 00:16:46.061
  • and I do want her tohave more children
  • 00:16:46.061 --> 00:16:48.263
  • if that's what she desires.
  • 00:16:48.263 --> 00:16:49.798
  • He said, but I'm so happyto God that good families
  • 00:16:49.798 --> 00:16:54.136
  • like you decided to adopt us.
  • 00:16:54.136 --> 00:16:56.105
  • And I'm like, Oh my God.
  • 00:16:56.105 --> 00:16:58.507
  • You've been nice, yes!
  • 00:16:58.507 --> 00:17:00.209
  • - You can have your extra cake.
  • 00:17:00.209 --> 00:17:01.510
  • (mumbles)
  • 00:17:01.510 --> 00:17:02.845
  • - Explodes for you.
  • 00:17:02.845 --> 00:17:04.613
  • - Because he was ofthe foster family.
  • 00:17:04.613 --> 00:17:06.882
  • What are you talking about?
  • 00:17:06.882 --> 00:17:08.517
  • - With it being natural,Missy the natural.
  • 00:17:08.517 --> 00:17:12.988
  • I think there's abigger application.
  • 00:17:12.988 --> 00:17:14.823
  • Because for people whodon't literally adopt,
  • 00:17:14.823 --> 00:17:18.227
  • the Bible says we havethe spirit of adoption.
  • 00:17:18.227 --> 00:17:22.264
  • We have the spirit of sunshine
  • 00:17:22.264 --> 00:17:23.832
  • by which we get to call theGod of the universe daddy.
  • 00:17:23.832 --> 00:17:26.768
  • And so I think even if youdon't literally foster,
  • 00:17:26.768 --> 00:17:30.139
  • foster to adopt, adoptfrom him infancy,
  • 00:17:30.139 --> 00:17:32.808
  • adopt because mybaby's mama died.
  • 00:17:32.808 --> 00:17:35.511
  • You know, even if youdon't literally adopt,
  • 00:17:35.511 --> 00:17:37.980
  • we are supposed to havethat spirit of adoption.
  • 00:17:37.980 --> 00:17:40.916
  • And even the process withMissy made me realize
  • 00:17:40.916 --> 00:17:44.253
  • who else feels likean orphan in my story.
  • 00:17:44.253 --> 00:17:46.622
  • You know, maybe myneighbor who's married
  • 00:17:46.622 --> 00:17:49.191
  • or my neighborwhose husband left
  • 00:17:49.191 --> 00:17:50.826
  • or the guy down the street,
  • 00:17:50.826 --> 00:17:52.628
  • his wife is not able toreally connect anymore
  • 00:17:52.628 --> 00:17:56.131
  • because she has losther [Inaudible].
  • 00:17:56.131 --> 00:17:57.900
  • Who in my storyfeels like an orphan.
  • 00:17:57.900 --> 00:18:00.068
  • I am supposed to havethe spirit of adoption
  • 00:18:00.068 --> 00:18:02.504
  • with everybody God allowsme to rub shoulders with.
  • 00:18:02.504 --> 00:18:05.107
  • So I think even for the peoplewatching Better TOGETHER
  • 00:18:05.107 --> 00:18:07.476
  • who go, that's not my story
  • 00:18:07.476 --> 00:18:10.145
  • or I need one less kid,I can't have a kid more,
  • 00:18:10.145 --> 00:18:13.749
  • I'm past the age you go
  • 00:18:13.749 --> 00:18:15.984
  • yet that doesn't meanI think more people
  • 00:18:15.984 --> 00:18:18.487
  • are called to literallyadopt or foster.
  • 00:18:18.487 --> 00:18:21.557
  • And I always tell people,
  • 00:18:21.557 --> 00:18:23.025
  • if you're at 49% go aheadand take the next step
  • 00:18:23.025 --> 00:18:25.994
  • because it's a long process
  • 00:18:25.994 --> 00:18:27.229
  • and God will cleanit up along the way.
  • 00:18:27.229 --> 00:18:28.664
  • So go ahead and say yescause you've got a homestead,
  • 00:18:28.664 --> 00:18:31.099
  • you've got a lot ofthings to go through,
  • 00:18:31.099 --> 00:18:33.302
  • but for those who go,I know definitively
  • 00:18:33.302 --> 00:18:35.337
  • God hasn't called us to that.
  • 00:18:35.337 --> 00:18:37.673
  • Personally as a family, I go,
  • 00:18:37.673 --> 00:18:39.174
  • well then adopt theother orphans around you
  • 00:18:39.174 --> 00:18:41.410
  • because there's peoplein your neighborhood,
  • 00:18:41.410 --> 00:18:42.644
  • people in your church,
  • 00:18:42.644 --> 00:18:43.478
  • people at your workplace
  • 00:18:43.478 --> 00:18:45.247
  • who desperately need a familythat says you fit here.
  • 00:18:45.247 --> 00:18:48.717
  • What are you doingfor Thanksgiving?
  • 00:18:48.717 --> 00:18:49.952
  • What are you doingfor lunch tomorrow?
  • 00:18:49.952 --> 00:18:51.253
  • You fit with me.
  • 00:18:51.253 --> 00:18:52.788
  • - In our family thereare five children,
  • 00:18:53.922 --> 00:18:55.324
  • but when my husbandand I got married,
  • 00:18:55.324 --> 00:18:56.758
  • we each gave the giftof a girl to the other
  • 00:18:56.758 --> 00:19:00.062
  • on our wedding day.
  • 00:19:00.062 --> 00:19:01.230
  • And so while we haven'tformally adopted,
  • 00:19:01.230 --> 00:19:03.899
  • we do have a blendedfamily and so grafting in.
  • 00:19:03.899 --> 00:19:06.935
  • We get this idea thatthere's someone in my home
  • 00:19:06.935 --> 00:19:11.306
  • who I'm welcoming in my home
  • 00:19:11.306 --> 00:19:12.741
  • and not just in myhome but in my heart
  • 00:19:12.741 --> 00:19:14.843
  • because you're welcome inmy home and in my heart.
  • 00:19:14.843 --> 00:19:19.114
  • And that conceptof being a believer
  • 00:19:19.114 --> 00:19:22.551
  • and knowing that we wereoutside and God grafted us in.
  • 00:19:22.551 --> 00:19:26.788
  • That's a gift that wewant to give constantly
  • 00:19:26.788 --> 00:19:29.424
  • to the children in our home andto other people who come in.
  • 00:19:29.424 --> 00:19:32.828
  • That you're welcome here.
  • 00:19:32.828 --> 00:19:34.296
  • That there's a place at thetable and in our family.
  • 00:19:34.296 --> 00:19:37.633
  • You know, our blendedsituation meant we weren't all
  • 00:19:37.633 --> 00:19:40.936
  • at the table all the time,
  • 00:19:40.936 --> 00:19:42.771
  • but when we were, it's thecelebration of you're here,
  • 00:19:42.771 --> 00:19:46.642
  • this is home.
  • 00:19:46.642 --> 00:19:47.809
  • You're a part, you belong.
  • 00:19:47.809 --> 00:19:50.279
  • And that spirit as a believer,
  • 00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:52.648
  • whether you're givingthat gift to a child
  • 00:19:52.648 --> 00:19:55.050
  • through the formaladoption process,
  • 00:19:55.050 --> 00:19:57.219
  • fostering through that process
  • 00:19:57.219 --> 00:19:58.987
  • or your neighbordown the street,
  • 00:19:58.987 --> 00:20:01.023
  • the ability to look atsomebody and say, I see you.
  • 00:20:01.023 --> 00:20:04.159
  • You're welcome here.
  • 00:20:04.159 --> 00:20:05.294
  • I love you and you belong.
  • 00:20:05.294 --> 00:20:08.563
  • Belonging.
  • 00:20:08.563 --> 00:20:10.232
  • That's what the spiritof adoption is all about.
  • 00:20:10.232 --> 00:20:12.301
  • And that's the optionthat we have as believers
  • 00:20:12.301 --> 00:20:15.304
  • to give the gift ofbelonging to everyone we meet
  • 00:20:15.304 --> 00:20:18.674
  • and to everyone we'recalled to serve in that way.
  • 00:20:18.674 --> 00:20:21.176
  • - You know what? It's at therisk of being overly spiritual.
  • 00:20:22.944 --> 00:20:26.148
  • It just dawned on me whatGod had to do to say,
  • 00:20:26.148 --> 00:20:30.319
  • you get to sit atmy family table,
  • 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:32.654
  • like this wasn'ta natural thing.
  • 00:20:32.654 --> 00:20:34.022
  • I'm not biologically His.
  • 00:20:34.022 --> 00:20:35.524
  • And so he's like not chose you.
  • 00:20:35.524 --> 00:20:38.126
  • And there was a lot ofwork I had to go get my son
  • 00:20:38.126 --> 00:20:40.962
  • to do some things for youto have this rounded place.
  • 00:20:40.962 --> 00:20:43.899
  • And so I think that spiritof adoption is so huge
  • 00:20:43.899 --> 00:20:47.402
  • because it is the essenceof the family of God.
  • 00:20:47.402 --> 00:20:50.372
  • You know, whether it'schildren or adults,
  • 00:20:50.372 --> 00:20:52.474
  • it is the thing that is aconstant reminder that God says,
  • 00:20:52.474 --> 00:20:56.144
  • I don't care if youhad biological parents,
  • 00:20:56.144 --> 00:20:57.946
  • but without me, youwere the orphan.
  • 00:20:57.946 --> 00:20:59.314
  • - Right, right.
  • 00:20:59.314 --> 00:21:01.216
  • - And you know I took it,
  • 00:21:01.216 --> 00:21:03.518
  • and so it's a reminder for me,
  • 00:21:03.518 --> 00:21:06.088
  • and even in our church,in our community,
  • 00:21:06.088 --> 00:21:08.256
  • trying to getpeople to understand
  • 00:21:08.256 --> 00:21:10.158
  • what that looks like outsideof the family nucleus.
  • 00:21:10.158 --> 00:21:13.228
  • Like what does thatmean for us spiritually?
  • 00:21:13.228 --> 00:21:15.597
  • How are we inclusive?
  • 00:21:15.597 --> 00:21:17.165
  • How are we giving peoplea place at the table?
  • 00:21:17.165 --> 00:21:20.035
  • and it is overwhelmingconfidence in God
  • 00:21:20.035 --> 00:21:23.672
  • that just like with my son,
  • 00:21:23.672 --> 00:21:25.273
  • he might not have my DNA,
  • 00:21:25.273 --> 00:21:26.575
  • but he's going toalways have my name.
  • 00:21:26.575 --> 00:21:27.709
  • - That's right.
  • 00:21:27.709 --> 00:21:28.543
  • - And you can't divorceyourself from him.
  • 00:21:29.978 --> 00:21:31.646
  • That is your child baby.
  • 00:21:31.646 --> 00:21:34.883
  • I know I have tolda lot of people
  • 00:21:34.883 --> 00:21:36.985
  • because I reallyshop to sabotage
  • 00:21:36.985 --> 00:21:39.287
  • my shot of beinga biological mum
  • 00:21:39.287 --> 00:21:41.523
  • just cause I was really,really broken relationally
  • 00:21:41.523 --> 00:21:43.725
  • when I was younger.
  • 00:21:43.725 --> 00:21:45.193
  • So I don't remember a timesince I've gotten to be Mrs mom
  • 00:21:45.193 --> 00:21:48.830
  • that I'm not grateful.
  • 00:21:48.830 --> 00:21:50.132
  • I'm shocked sometimes wehave the kindness of God
  • 00:21:50.132 --> 00:21:54.836
  • and just restoring thoseyears I served up to look as,
  • 00:21:54.836 --> 00:21:58.140
  • but where it hastransformed me as I go.
  • 00:21:58.140 --> 00:22:01.710
  • I'm untorn by himbeing my daddy.
  • 00:22:01.710 --> 00:22:05.547
  • It just changesthe way I don't do
  • 00:22:05.547 --> 00:22:08.450
  • a lot of thingsright in motherhood.
  • 00:22:08.450 --> 00:22:10.252
  • But I'm gratefuland my gratitude hascovered a multitude
  • 00:22:10.252 --> 00:22:14.556
  • of things I do wrong andI think that's how I want
  • 00:22:14.556 --> 00:22:17.526
  • to be as his daughter.
  • 00:22:17.526 --> 00:22:19.060
  • I want to always wakeup and, God, Thank you.
  • 00:22:19.060 --> 00:22:21.730
  • - Listen, when one ofmy children was born
  • 00:22:22.898 --> 00:22:25.000
  • and the birth was difficult
  • 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:26.735
  • and we ended up with a lot ofthings I couldn't pronounce,
  • 00:22:26.735 --> 00:22:29.638
  • I looked at mypediatrician and I said,
  • 00:22:29.638 --> 00:22:31.940
  • I didn't even knowthis was the thing.
  • 00:22:31.940 --> 00:22:34.776
  • And she said, if I toldyou all of the things
  • 00:22:34.776 --> 00:22:37.546
  • that could be a thingbased on childbirth,
  • 00:22:37.546 --> 00:22:40.749
  • you would never givebirth to a child.
  • 00:22:40.749 --> 00:22:43.118
  • And I feel that it's the sameprinciple, birth or adoption.
  • 00:22:43.118 --> 00:22:46.188
  • If we told you all of thethings that could potentially
  • 00:22:46.188 --> 00:22:49.825
  • go wrong with your child orwith you and your relationship,
  • 00:22:49.825 --> 00:22:53.295
  • whether they're babiesor when they're 25
  • 00:22:53.295 --> 00:22:55.163
  • you would never be a mum.
  • 00:22:55.163 --> 00:22:56.364
  • But how many mums,adoptive, foster, birth,
  • 00:22:56.364 --> 00:23:00.101
  • say it's worth it?
  • 00:23:00.101 --> 00:23:01.903
  • - It's so worth it.- A million.
  • 00:23:01.903 --> 00:23:04.506
  • - And you don't worryabout all of the things
  • 00:23:04.506 --> 00:23:07.409
  • because those may noteven be your things
  • 00:23:07.409 --> 00:23:09.678
  • and you'll be missingthe main cause.
  • 00:23:09.678 --> 00:23:11.279
  • - Which you also couldn'tbegin to see the miracle.
  • 00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:13.815
  • Exactly.
  • 00:23:13.815 --> 00:23:15.016
  • - Couldn't begin toknow how glorious it is.
  • 00:23:15.016 --> 00:23:17.118
  • - One of the thingsI think is important
  • 00:23:17.118 --> 00:23:18.653
  • is not only is itpersonally worth it,
  • 00:23:18.653 --> 00:23:21.189
  • we're actually called to it.
  • 00:23:21.189 --> 00:23:22.724
  • - Right.
  • 00:23:22.724 --> 00:23:24.159
  • - So whether it's your family,the way you're building,
  • 00:23:24.159 --> 00:23:25.961
  • Jesus says, aside fromthe great commission
  • 00:23:25.961 --> 00:23:27.896
  • , widows and orphans, that's it.
  • 00:23:27.896 --> 00:23:30.031
  • This is not a, just pray for it.
  • 00:23:30.031 --> 00:23:31.800
  • This is a do something about.
  • 00:23:31.800 --> 00:23:34.135
  • And so I would encourageanybody who's watching
  • 00:23:34.135 --> 00:23:36.404
  • whatever seasonof life you're in,
  • 00:23:36.404 --> 00:23:38.373
  • whether you're buildingyour family that way
  • 00:23:38.373 --> 00:23:40.742
  • or supporting a community,supporting your church,
  • 00:23:40.742 --> 00:23:43.078
  • believers are called to addressthose who are fatherless.
  • 00:23:43.078 --> 00:23:47.182
  • And so it's just,it's a calling,
  • 00:23:47.182 --> 00:23:49.584
  • whether it's personalin your home,
  • 00:23:49.584 --> 00:23:51.520
  • but definitely the believer.
  • 00:23:51.520 --> 00:23:52.988
  • - That's good and then an Amen.
  • 00:23:52.988 --> 00:23:54.589
  • - So if you are even inthe slightest contemplate
  • 00:23:56.224 --> 00:23:59.528
  • in foster careadoption, go for it.
  • 00:23:59.528 --> 00:24:02.163
  • It just takes a willing person.
  • 00:24:02.163 --> 00:24:04.232
  • And I promise all ofthose resources will come.
  • 00:24:04.232 --> 00:24:07.269
  • God will not playsomething on your heart
  • 00:24:07.269 --> 00:24:09.671
  • and not back it up andgive you the resources
  • 00:24:09.671 --> 00:24:12.140
  • that you need to besuccessful in it.
  • 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:14.442
  • So father now Ithank you for each
  • 00:24:14.442 --> 00:24:16.845
  • and every lastone of the viewers
  • 00:24:16.845 --> 00:24:19.214
  • who are contemplatingfoster care or adoption
  • 00:24:19.214 --> 00:24:23.351
  • that you give them the peace
  • 00:24:23.351 --> 00:24:24.653
  • that passes all understanding
  • 00:24:24.653 --> 00:24:26.888
  • and give them the theboldness to be able
  • 00:24:26.888 --> 00:24:31.893
  • to jump out in it andgive them the support
  • 00:24:33.094 --> 00:24:35.597
  • that they need and the peoplewho can gather around them
  • 00:24:35.597 --> 00:24:39.701
  • and help them in their journeys.
  • 00:24:39.701 --> 00:24:41.870
  • And I bind the spirit of fear.
  • 00:24:41.870 --> 00:24:44.172
  • You said, if we bindanything on earth,
  • 00:24:44.172 --> 00:24:46.374
  • you will bind it in heaven.
  • 00:24:46.374 --> 00:24:47.876
  • I bind the spirit of fear andI help you to just rest on.
  • 00:24:47.876 --> 00:24:51.179
  • I pray you just restin their heart state.
  • 00:24:51.179 --> 00:24:53.315
  • You got them.
  • 00:24:53.315 --> 00:24:54.783
  • All they need to dois jump out there
  • 00:24:54.783 --> 00:24:57.452
  • and you'll catch them
  • 00:24:57.452 --> 00:24:58.386
  • and you'll take them further
  • 00:24:58.386 --> 00:25:01.222
  • than they couldhave even imagined.
  • 00:25:01.222 --> 00:25:04.559
  • And I pray that it willbe a seamless journey.
  • 00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:07.596
  • It'll be an excitingjourney for all of those
  • 00:25:07.596 --> 00:25:10.432
  • who just say yes to the call,
  • 00:25:10.432 --> 00:25:12.834
  • In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
  • 00:25:12.834 --> 00:25:14.903
  • - Connect with uson social media
  • 00:25:17.372 --> 00:25:18.940
  • and let us know how ourteam can pray for you.
  • 00:25:18.940 --> 00:25:21.242
  • - You can watch BetterTOGETHER episodes on demand.
  • 00:25:23.445 --> 00:25:26.348
  • Up next on Better TOGETHER.
  • 00:25:35.624 --> 00:25:38.460
  • - I just have always thoughtit's my responsibility
  • 00:25:38.460 --> 00:25:41.763
  • and my privilege to bein partnership with God,
  • 00:25:41.763 --> 00:25:45.900
  • to parent my children andto offer him back to them,
  • 00:25:45.900 --> 00:25:49.704
  • but for me to be ableto participate in that.
  • 00:25:49.704 --> 00:25:52.273
  • - Watch
  • 00:25:53.141 --> 00:25:53.975