Better Together | TBN

Better Together

Watch Better Together
October 25, 2019
27:20

"I will never let that happen to me again!" Sound familiar? Let's talk how to fight avoidance and isolation. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

Closed captions

Better Together

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • - Isolation, drawing back, avoiding relationships.
  • 00:00:01.140 --> 00:00:04.250
  • We were not created to walk through this life alone.
  • 00:00:04.250 --> 00:00:08.040
  • Let's join the conversation.
  • 00:00:08.040 --> 00:00:10.100
  • (uplifting music)
  • 00:00:10.100 --> 00:00:13.050
  • - You know we've been talking all week
  • 00:00:36.010 --> 00:00:38.040
  • about victory in the fight whatever that battle is.
  • 00:00:38.040 --> 00:00:41.270
  • And one of the things that I've had to fight,
  • 00:00:41.270 --> 00:00:44.190
  • I would think most of my life, is isolation,
  • 00:00:44.190 --> 00:00:48.050
  • isolating myself from others.
  • 00:00:48.050 --> 00:00:50.100
  • And I thought when my husband and I got married,
  • 00:00:50.100 --> 00:00:54.000
  • we've been married 25 years this year.
  • 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:56.150
  • (clapping)
  • 00:00:56.150 --> 00:00:57.280
  • Thank you.
  • 00:00:57.280 --> 00:00:59.030
  • Yeah, it should've been louder.
  • 00:00:59.030 --> 00:01:00.230
  • It should've been way louder.
  • 00:01:00.230 --> 00:01:02.150
  • (laughter)
  • 00:01:02.150 --> 00:01:05.160
  • - Real loud for you.
  • 00:01:05.160 --> 00:01:07.030
  • - But, you know, I thought by the time my husband was,
  • 00:01:07.030 --> 00:01:09.160
  • and then we have this gorgeous son who I absolutely adore,
  • 00:01:09.160 --> 00:01:13.150
  • that all that was kind of in the past.
  • 00:01:13.150 --> 00:01:16.230
  • But one day, we had taken, Christian was probably about 10
  • 00:01:16.230 --> 00:01:19.140
  • and we'd taken him to this camp called Pine Cove in Texas,
  • 00:01:19.140 --> 00:01:22.270
  • and kids love to go there in the summer,
  • 00:01:22.270 --> 00:01:24.160
  • and we'd taken Christian to Pine Cove, we dropped him off
  • 00:01:24.160 --> 00:01:26.190
  • and got him all settled in.
  • 00:01:26.190 --> 00:01:27.260
  • And Barry and I were driving home
  • 00:01:27.260 --> 00:01:29.020
  • and we stopped, just to get a cup of coffee,
  • 00:01:29.020 --> 00:01:32.040
  • and Barry said to me,
  • 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:33.130
  • "I want to talk to you about something."
  • 00:01:33.130 --> 00:01:36.060
  • And one of the things we've learned in our marriage
  • 00:01:36.060 --> 00:01:38.170
  • is to pick the timing of things,
  • 00:01:38.170 --> 00:01:41.050
  • because, I would say for the first 10 years,
  • 00:01:41.050 --> 00:01:43.180
  • he said things that were really true and important,
  • 00:01:43.180 --> 00:01:46.050
  • but I ignored them because of the way he said it.
  • 00:01:46.050 --> 00:01:47.230
  • I would be like--
  • 00:01:47.230 --> 00:01:49.000
  • - Timing was so off.
  • 00:01:49.000 --> 00:01:49.250
  • - Timing was so off.
  • 00:01:49.250 --> 00:01:51.170
  • - Timing and tone was off.
  • 00:01:51.170 --> 00:01:52.200
  • - Timing and tone, yes.
  • 00:01:52.200 --> 00:01:54.050
  • We sat down that day and he said,
  • 00:01:54.050 --> 00:01:55.200
  • "Do you ever feel a little distant from Christian and I?"
  • 00:01:55.200 --> 00:01:59.130
  • And initially I was shocked
  • 00:01:59.130 --> 00:02:01.170
  • because I love my son and I love my husband.
  • 00:02:01.170 --> 00:02:05.090
  • But there was something about
  • 00:02:05.090 --> 00:02:07.090
  • the way he prayed about that for a month
  • 00:02:07.090 --> 00:02:09.050
  • before he shared it with me, and I said, "You know, yeah."
  • 00:02:09.050 --> 00:02:13.250
  • I still had this little thing of,
  • 00:02:13.250 --> 00:02:16.040
  • when you go through any kinda trauma in your childhood,
  • 00:02:16.040 --> 00:02:19.000
  • I think you can either respond
  • 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:21.010
  • by being overly needy of other people
  • 00:02:21.010 --> 00:02:23.230
  • or you kind of become self protective.
  • 00:02:23.230 --> 00:02:26.290
  • Because I remember clearly, 12 years old,
  • 00:02:26.290 --> 00:02:30.010
  • with a bunch of my friends, going to see "Cinderella".
  • 00:02:30.010 --> 00:02:32.220
  • And there was probably like 10 of us,
  • 00:02:32.220 --> 00:02:33.170
  • it was a birthday party,
  • 00:02:33.170 --> 00:02:35.020
  • and they all loved it and I hated it.
  • 00:02:35.020 --> 00:02:37.130
  • 'Cause I thought, that is a big, fat lie,
  • 00:02:37.130 --> 00:02:39.280
  • there's no prince coming to save you,
  • 00:02:39.280 --> 00:02:41.250
  • you've got to save yourself.
  • 00:02:41.250 --> 00:02:43.190
  • And I realized that even in my marriage,
  • 00:02:43.190 --> 00:02:46.010
  • I had erected this little bit of a wall
  • 00:02:46.010 --> 00:02:48.060
  • where you can hurt me, but there's a limit.
  • 00:02:48.060 --> 00:02:51.090
  • Because when I was,
  • 00:02:51.090 --> 00:02:52.290
  • probably around the same time as that "Cinderella" movie,
  • 00:02:52.290 --> 00:02:55.200
  • I got up one night to go to the restroom
  • 00:02:55.200 --> 00:02:58.150
  • and I was walking to the bathroom
  • 00:02:58.150 --> 00:03:01.040
  • and I saw that the light was on under my Mom's bedroom door.
  • 00:03:01.040 --> 00:03:04.070
  • So I thought, "Oh I'm gonna see if Mom's still awake."
  • 00:03:04.070 --> 00:03:06.140
  • And just as I went to turn the handle I listened
  • 00:03:06.140 --> 00:03:10.020
  • and my Mom was sobbing into her pillow.
  • 00:03:10.020 --> 00:03:12.280
  • I had never heard my mom cry.
  • 00:03:12.280 --> 00:03:15.090
  • And there was something, I got it, instinctively,
  • 00:03:15.090 --> 00:03:19.190
  • she wants to be alone.
  • 00:03:19.190 --> 00:03:21.150
  • So I sat down on the other side of the door and cried too.
  • 00:03:21.150 --> 00:03:25.080
  • And the message I took from that was you have to cry alone.
  • 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:29.070
  • - Wow.
  • 00:03:29.070 --> 00:03:30.150
  • - This is not something you get to do together,
  • 00:03:30.150 --> 00:03:31.270
  • you have to cry alone.
  • 00:03:31.270 --> 00:03:33.120
  • And that's something that I've had to fight as a believer,
  • 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:37.110
  • to engage fully, to risk being hurt.
  • 00:03:39.150 --> 00:03:42.210
  • Because part of, when you determine you're gonna reach out
  • 00:03:42.210 --> 00:03:44.280
  • and you're gonna love,
  • 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:46.070
  • the possibility of being hurt is there,
  • 00:03:46.070 --> 00:03:48.260
  • but, I discovered with me,
  • 00:03:48.260 --> 00:03:51.120
  • when you suppress pain, you also suppress joy.
  • 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:56.060
  • And there came a point in my life, I mean that night,
  • 00:03:56.060 --> 00:03:59.110
  • my husband, it was, I remember saying to him,
  • 00:03:59.110 --> 00:04:02.050
  • "I cannot tell you how grateful I am
  • 00:04:02.050 --> 00:04:04.210
  • "that you love me enough to tell me that."
  • 00:04:04.210 --> 00:04:06.230
  • 'Cause those things are not easy to say.
  • 00:04:06.230 --> 00:04:08.040
  • - [Dee Dee] Absolutely.
  • 00:04:08.040 --> 00:04:09.170
  • - Yeah, when you suppress pain,
  • 00:04:09.170 --> 00:04:10.230
  • you definitely also suppress joy.
  • 00:04:10.230 --> 00:04:12.260
  • Because when you suppress pain,
  • 00:04:12.260 --> 00:04:14.250
  • it means you're trying to block out
  • 00:04:14.250 --> 00:04:16.100
  • the fullness of an emotion that you can experience
  • 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:19.250
  • and you don't want to be wounded.
  • 00:04:19.250 --> 00:04:22.110
  • But then also you suppress, or you push away
  • 00:04:22.110 --> 00:04:26.030
  • the opportunity for great and beautiful life experience.
  • 00:04:26.030 --> 00:04:30.000
  • When we went through
  • 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.120
  • the loss of one of our worship leaders at the church,
  • 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:33.230
  • I remember thinking, "I wish my world was smaller,
  • 00:04:33.230 --> 00:04:37.180
  • "I wish there weren't so many people that I loved."
  • 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.190
  • I was so angry inside, I was so frustrated,
  • 00:04:39.190 --> 00:04:42.110
  • and a friend told me, "If you're world was smaller,
  • 00:04:42.110 --> 00:04:45.090
  • "she would not have been in your world,
  • 00:04:45.090 --> 00:04:46.230
  • "and she was amazing to you, and she made your life better."
  • 00:04:46.230 --> 00:04:51.210
  • And so, had I lived with this ideology of
  • 00:04:51.210 --> 00:04:55.160
  • I don't want to have pain, I'm pushing people away.
  • 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:57.230
  • I would have missed out on my friend's story,
  • 00:04:57.230 --> 00:05:00.180
  • which made my faith stronger
  • 00:05:00.180 --> 00:05:02.140
  • and my love for God even deeper.
  • 00:05:02.140 --> 00:05:05.220
  • So she hit it on the nail when she said that.
  • 00:05:05.220 --> 00:05:09.040
  • - That is amazing,
  • 00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:11.000
  • 'cause, you know, so you won't feel alone,
  • 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:13.170
  • I think I should tell some of my stuff too.
  • 00:05:13.170 --> 00:05:16.090
  • - Oh go on.
  • 00:05:16.090 --> 00:05:17.040
  • - You're turn.
  • 00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:17.290
  • - But no, I understand that
  • 00:05:18.250 --> 00:05:20.230
  • because my husband used to tell me all the time
  • 00:05:20.230 --> 00:05:23.150
  • that I was a runner
  • 00:05:23.150 --> 00:05:24.210
  • and I didn't understand what that meant
  • 00:05:24.210 --> 00:05:27.110
  • and why would he say that?
  • 00:05:27.110 --> 00:05:29.130
  • And I remember growing up in a very dysfunctional home,
  • 00:05:29.130 --> 00:05:33.080
  • even though, my father is my world, they're still alive,
  • 00:05:33.080 --> 00:05:37.070
  • living strong, you know, doing very well.
  • 00:05:37.070 --> 00:05:40.090
  • Now, transformed lives years later, but as a child,
  • 00:05:40.090 --> 00:05:44.220
  • I remember seeing my dad and my mom
  • 00:05:44.220 --> 00:05:47.180
  • go through so many challenges.
  • 00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:49.200
  • We wouldn't even walk on our side of the street,
  • 00:05:49.200 --> 00:05:52.230
  • we would walk on the opposite side of the street
  • 00:05:52.230 --> 00:05:55.060
  • because we didn't want our friends to hear my parents
  • 00:05:55.060 --> 00:05:57.190
  • and their arguing.
  • 00:05:57.190 --> 00:05:58.220
  • You know, going at each other,
  • 00:05:58.220 --> 00:06:00.070
  • it was just so much embarrassment.
  • 00:06:00.070 --> 00:06:02.070
  • So, to me that created an environment of running.
  • 00:06:02.070 --> 00:06:07.070
  • It's like, I wanna hurry up and get out of this house,
  • 00:06:07.070 --> 00:06:09.170
  • I don't wanna bring anybody around
  • 00:06:09.170 --> 00:06:11.160
  • because I'm gonna be exposed and they're gonna see
  • 00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:13.190
  • all of what my family is going through.
  • 00:06:13.190 --> 00:06:16.110
  • We'd come out of the house smiling,
  • 00:06:16.110 --> 00:06:17.260
  • looking like everything is healthy and strong.
  • 00:06:17.260 --> 00:06:21.090
  • And so, when I got married,
  • 00:06:21.090 --> 00:06:23.120
  • it was like I always had in my mind
  • 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:27.110
  • that I don't have to stay here if it doesn't work.
  • 00:06:27.110 --> 00:06:29.260
  • You know like, I'll get out of it,
  • 00:06:29.260 --> 00:06:31.190
  • somebody else will want me,
  • 00:06:31.190 --> 00:06:32.260
  • if you don't want me, I'm gonna leave.
  • 00:06:32.260 --> 00:06:35.080
  • And so, when he would tell me that I was a runner,
  • 00:06:35.080 --> 00:06:39.070
  • it was offensive in the beginning,
  • 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:42.060
  • but then it was like, I had to own that,
  • 00:06:42.060 --> 00:06:44.280
  • to say, okay, I'm not running any longer.
  • 00:06:44.280 --> 00:06:47.090
  • I'm gonna stay in here,
  • 00:06:47.090 --> 00:06:48.180
  • in the midst of whatever we are going through,
  • 00:06:48.180 --> 00:06:50.270
  • whatever challenges we are having.
  • 00:06:50.270 --> 00:06:52.240
  • Whether it's in our communication, our sex, or whatever,
  • 00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:56.210
  • I'm not gonna run any longer.
  • 00:06:56.210 --> 00:06:58.240
  • I'm gonna stay in here and I'm gonna deal with it.
  • 00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:01.070
  • Because I would rather run to another room,
  • 00:07:01.070 --> 00:07:04.110
  • run out of the house, let me go just take a ride,
  • 00:07:04.110 --> 00:07:07.100
  • instead of dealing with whatever I'm dealing with,
  • 00:07:07.100 --> 00:07:10.030
  • because it was like I was always in protective mode.
  • 00:07:10.030 --> 00:07:12.210
  • If you're not gonna protect me Mom and Dad and husband,
  • 00:07:12.210 --> 00:07:16.010
  • I'll protect myself.
  • 00:07:16.010 --> 00:07:17.100
  • - Isolation is, it's a torture.
  • 00:07:18.170 --> 00:07:23.010
  • We think we want it, but you think, even in prison,
  • 00:07:25.090 --> 00:07:27.250
  • the most horrible place to be is in the isolation, right?
  • 00:07:27.250 --> 00:07:31.290
  • When you're isolated from people,
  • 00:07:31.290 --> 00:07:33.110
  • because we're not designed to be isolated.
  • 00:07:33.110 --> 00:07:36.020
  • And so, that's why it's a weapon of the enemy,
  • 00:07:36.020 --> 00:07:38.160
  • to try to separate us from one another,
  • 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.150
  • because we become targets.
  • 00:07:40.150 --> 00:07:43.100
  • But we want to, if we've been hurt by people,
  • 00:07:44.170 --> 00:07:46.180
  • or wounded by people, or wounded by a situation,
  • 00:07:46.180 --> 00:07:49.190
  • or in different, perhaps abusive situations.
  • 00:07:49.190 --> 00:07:53.020
  • And so, we just want to hibernate
  • 00:07:53.020 --> 00:07:54.160
  • and we just want to isolate,
  • 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:55.240
  • and we want to build a wall around our heart
  • 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:57.020
  • and not let people in.
  • 00:07:57.020 --> 00:07:58.180
  • That's all normal, and you can do that for a minute,
  • 00:07:58.180 --> 00:08:03.010
  • but it's not gonna serve you well in the long run.
  • 00:08:05.030 --> 00:08:07.220
  • I remember even in that season of really hard for us,
  • 00:08:07.220 --> 00:08:11.050
  • hurt, I was just so hurt by people
  • 00:08:11.050 --> 00:08:13.210
  • and I just wanted to sit on my couch
  • 00:08:13.210 --> 00:08:15.220
  • and binge and Netflix for months.
  • 00:08:15.220 --> 00:08:19.000
  • And I think it was okay for a minute, to do that,
  • 00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:22.190
  • to just lick my wounds a little bit,
  • 00:08:22.190 --> 00:08:24.240
  • but I couldn't stay there.
  • 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:27.020
  • So, you can isolate for a minute,
  • 00:08:27.020 --> 00:08:28.210
  • but then the isolation
  • 00:08:28.210 --> 00:08:30.100
  • has to become a time where God's strengthening you
  • 00:08:30.100 --> 00:08:33.220
  • so that you can now go out again and connect with people,
  • 00:08:33.220 --> 00:08:37.160
  • and do life with people, and find your tribe.
  • 00:08:37.160 --> 00:08:40.090
  • Find a group of people that you can connect with,
  • 00:08:40.090 --> 00:08:42.280
  • 'cause we're not designed to do life alone, only together.
  • 00:08:42.280 --> 00:08:47.280
  • We're only designed to do life in community.
  • 00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:50.230
  • Christianity is all about community.
  • 00:08:50.230 --> 00:08:53.020
  • So don't let the enemy separate you from the family.
  • 00:08:53.020 --> 00:08:57.240
  • It won't be good.
  • 00:08:57.240 --> 00:08:59.270
  • It's interesting 'cause there's pain either way.
  • 00:08:59.270 --> 00:09:01.160
  • There's pain in isolation, there just is, there will be,
  • 00:09:01.160 --> 00:09:05.190
  • and then there's probably gonna be pain with people.
  • 00:09:05.190 --> 00:09:08.150
  • So you just, you gotta choose I guess.
  • 00:09:08.150 --> 00:09:11.100
  • - Pick your poison.
  • 00:09:11.100 --> 00:09:12.160
  • - [Dee Dee] Pick you poison (laughs).
  • 00:09:12.160 --> 00:09:13.230
  • - You know, it's very vulnerable.
  • 00:09:15.230 --> 00:09:18.060
  • I hate getting hurt by people.
  • 00:09:18.060 --> 00:09:20.140
  • It's just one of my, I don't understand hurting people.
  • 00:09:20.140 --> 00:09:24.060
  • - Because you're so sweet.
  • 00:09:24.060 --> 00:09:25.190
  • - [Shelia] It's not your nature.
  • 00:09:25.190 --> 00:09:27.050
  • - So talk about isolation, I can feel that,
  • 00:09:27.050 --> 00:09:31.250
  • I want my husband, my boys, and Audrey
  • 00:09:31.250 --> 00:09:35.230
  • and I'm good with that and I have--
  • 00:09:35.230 --> 00:09:40.110
  • - Sorry about the rest of us here (laughs).
  • 00:09:40.110 --> 00:09:42.020
  • - But we all get it.
  • 00:09:42.020 --> 00:09:43.110
  • - No I get it, totally get it.
  • 00:09:43.110 --> 00:09:46.080
  • - Not you guys.
  • 00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:47.110
  • - We get it, we get it.
  • 00:09:47.110 --> 00:09:49.190
  • - But that's a very safe place for me
  • 00:09:49.190 --> 00:09:53.090
  • and if one of them turned on me, I would just,
  • 00:09:53.090 --> 00:09:55.270
  • talk about despair, that would be something,
  • 00:09:57.010 --> 00:09:59.210
  • but having just been hurt,
  • 00:09:59.210 --> 00:10:03.070
  • we've all been hurt in so many different ways.
  • 00:10:03.070 --> 00:10:06.200
  • I know what it's like to isolate
  • 00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:09.220
  • and just not let anybody in right now, you know.
  • 00:10:09.220 --> 00:10:13.080
  • Let my family and that's about it.
  • 00:10:13.080 --> 00:10:16.160
  • I've been through that, I know what that feels like.
  • 00:10:16.160 --> 00:10:19.040
  • I just think that prayer, you know,
  • 00:10:21.270 --> 00:10:25.120
  • if you see your friends going through things like that,
  • 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:28.000
  • I know we talk a lot about maybe just sitting with them
  • 00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:30.260
  • and not saying a word, just your presence in someone's life.
  • 00:10:30.260 --> 00:10:34.070
  • Just you're reaching out and saying,
  • 00:10:34.070 --> 00:10:35.280
  • "Hey, I'm caring for you, I care, I'm praying."
  • 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:39.240
  • "Just praying, just praying, I just love you."
  • 00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:42.100
  • "You don't need to respond, I just love you."
  • 00:10:42.100 --> 00:10:45.080
  • I think those little text or those extra, just a hug,
  • 00:10:45.080 --> 00:10:50.070
  • no words is just perfect.
  • 00:10:51.040 --> 00:10:52.160
  • - [Dee Dee] At Better Together, we don't just do TV,
  • 00:10:53.270 --> 00:10:57.020
  • we do life together.
  • 00:10:57.020 --> 00:10:58.220
  • - [Shelia] And we love the way our social media community
  • 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:01.010
  • encourages and supports each other.
  • 00:11:01.010 --> 00:11:03.090
  • - So follow us @bettertogethertv
  • 00:11:03.090 --> 00:11:05.110
  • to make friends with women around the world and let's get
  • 00:11:05.110 --> 00:11:08.290
  • - [Group] Better together.
  • 00:11:08.290 --> 00:11:10.150
  • - So your isolation,
  • 00:11:12.080 --> 00:11:14.150
  • what promises did you stand on with coming out of that,
  • 00:11:14.150 --> 00:11:18.260
  • because sometimes it's hard for you.
  • 00:11:18.260 --> 00:11:21.100
  • - You know, one of the things was,
  • 00:11:21.100 --> 00:11:22.160
  • I had to break a vow that I made as a child.
  • 00:11:22.160 --> 00:11:25.080
  • Because I remember, that night, listening to my mom cry,
  • 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:28.220
  • I didn't realize I was making a vow,
  • 00:11:28.220 --> 00:11:30.210
  • I thought I was just simply making a choice,
  • 00:11:30.210 --> 00:11:33.130
  • but I remember making this vow,
  • 00:11:33.130 --> 00:11:35.170
  • I will never love anybody that much,
  • 00:11:35.170 --> 00:11:38.040
  • that if I lost them
  • 00:11:38.040 --> 00:11:39.110
  • it would cost me what it's costing my mom.
  • 00:11:39.110 --> 00:11:42.040
  • And I did not realize how I had internalized that vow
  • 00:11:42.040 --> 00:11:45.290
  • into the very fabric of my soul.
  • 00:11:45.290 --> 00:11:48.100
  • And when I began to realize,
  • 00:11:48.100 --> 00:11:50.230
  • and it was much later, honestly lead right up
  • 00:11:50.230 --> 00:11:54.170
  • to when my own husband confronted me with the fact
  • 00:11:54.170 --> 00:11:57.150
  • that there was still places I didn't let him go
  • 00:11:57.150 --> 00:12:01.250
  • because I thought, you don't need to know all this stuff.
  • 00:12:01.250 --> 00:12:04.210
  • That I had to really bring that before the Lord
  • 00:12:06.020 --> 00:12:08.040
  • and offer that back and break that vow in Jesus name.
  • 00:12:08.040 --> 00:12:11.190
  • 'Cause we do it, it's like,
  • 00:12:11.190 --> 00:12:13.030
  • I can think of the number of women watching this
  • 00:12:13.030 --> 00:12:16.130
  • who have made those kind of vows.
  • 00:12:16.130 --> 00:12:18.110
  • I will never do that again,
  • 00:12:18.110 --> 00:12:19.170
  • I will never allow that to happen again.
  • 00:12:19.170 --> 00:12:21.240
  • - I'll never get married again, whatever.
  • 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:24.200
  • Never have a good friend again.
  • 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:26.120
  • - Yeah, exactly,
  • 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:27.200
  • because there's always a potential for hurt.
  • 00:12:27.200 --> 00:12:30.030
  • - Sometimes we can be a little bit extreme,
  • 00:12:30.030 --> 00:12:33.160
  • we go through a hard time or a heart break
  • 00:12:33.160 --> 00:12:36.230
  • and we start using words like never and always
  • 00:12:36.230 --> 00:12:39.040
  • which are never true (laughs), right?
  • 00:12:39.040 --> 00:12:42.230
  • And we make those kind of vows, I'll never trust again,
  • 00:12:42.230 --> 00:12:46.260
  • I'll never open my heart again,
  • 00:12:46.260 --> 00:12:48.120
  • and you have to be careful about that,
  • 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:51.140
  • because then it becomes this wall in our hearts.
  • 00:12:51.140 --> 00:12:55.110
  • And maybe some of you've done that,
  • 00:12:55.110 --> 00:12:58.030
  • just like Shelia mentioned, maybe you've done that,
  • 00:12:58.030 --> 00:13:00.200
  • maybe you've made that kind of a vow.
  • 00:13:00.200 --> 00:13:02.150
  • So it's time to unmake that.
  • 00:13:02.150 --> 00:13:04.220
  • - For me it was Romans chapter eight is kinda like my,
  • 00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:09.090
  • if I had to just be on an island
  • 00:13:09.090 --> 00:13:11.180
  • and I can only have one chapter of the Bible,
  • 00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:13.050
  • I would probably take Romans eight.
  • 00:13:13.050 --> 00:13:14.190
  • I love it because
  • 00:13:14.190 --> 00:13:15.170
  • it begins with no condemnation
  • 00:13:15.170 --> 00:13:17.070
  • and it ends with no separation,
  • 00:13:17.070 --> 00:13:18.200
  • I mean, how much better does that get?
  • 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:20.080
  • But I, that's what I stood on Laurie.
  • 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:23.010
  • I'm just gonna read it.
  • 00:13:24.090 --> 00:13:25.160
  • - No condemnation for those who are in Christ.
  • 00:13:25.160 --> 00:13:26.230
  • - But it's the last two verses of Romans eight
  • 00:13:26.230 --> 00:13:28.280
  • that I just absolutely love.
  • 00:13:28.280 --> 00:13:33.280
  • But when I was in the hospital,
  • 00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:36.020
  • when I ended up in the psychiatric hospital,
  • 00:13:36.020 --> 00:13:37.100
  • the Lord showed me, you know the words,
  • 00:13:37.100 --> 00:13:39.040
  • but you don't know the weight.
  • 00:13:39.040 --> 00:13:40.260
  • You learned the words like you learned a song,
  • 00:13:40.260 --> 00:13:42.230
  • you're about to learn the weight of the truth of these.
  • 00:13:42.230 --> 00:13:45.140
  • What it says, "I'm convinced
  • 00:13:45.140 --> 00:13:46.260
  • "that nothing can ever separate us from God's love."
  • 00:13:46.260 --> 00:13:50.190
  • 'Cause my thing was, I'm always gonna end up alone,
  • 00:13:50.190 --> 00:13:53.010
  • I'm always gonna end up alone.
  • 00:13:53.010 --> 00:13:54.100
  • And God went, "No, no, no, read this,
  • 00:13:54.100 --> 00:13:56.000
  • "you're not getting it."
  • 00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:57.070
  • "Convinced that nothing can ever separate us
  • 00:13:57.070 --> 00:13:59.040
  • "from God's love."
  • 00:13:59.040 --> 00:14:00.100
  • "Neither death", whether you die or live,
  • 00:14:00.100 --> 00:14:02.270
  • "neither angels or demons",
  • 00:14:02.270 --> 00:14:04.100
  • which I used to think was weird, angels?
  • 00:14:04.100 --> 00:14:06.020
  • Why would that separate?
  • 00:14:06.020 --> 00:14:07.010
  • But they believed back then
  • 00:14:07.010 --> 00:14:08.130
  • that angels were jealous of human beings
  • 00:14:08.130 --> 00:14:10.100
  • and so they believed, the Rabbi's taught them,
  • 00:14:10.100 --> 00:14:12.160
  • some of these angels
  • 00:14:12.160 --> 00:14:13.200
  • will stop you're prayers getting through.
  • 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:15.110
  • So he was counting that, saying, no, that's rubbish,
  • 00:14:15.110 --> 00:14:17.280
  • but don't believe that anyway.
  • 00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:19.120
  • "Neither our fears for today,
  • 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:20.150
  • "nor our worries about tomorrow."
  • 00:14:20.150 --> 00:14:21.220
  • "Not even the powers of hell
  • 00:14:21.220 --> 00:14:22.290
  • "can separate us from God's love."
  • 00:14:22.290 --> 00:14:25.200
  • "No power in the sky above or in the earth below,
  • 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:27.270
  • "indeed nothing in all creation
  • 00:14:27.270 --> 00:14:30.230
  • "will ever be able to separate us from the love of God
  • 00:14:30.230 --> 00:14:33.270
  • "that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
  • 00:14:33.270 --> 00:14:36.240
  • And I remember reading that and saying,
  • 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:38.020
  • "I will never be alone, I'll never be alone."
  • 00:14:38.020 --> 00:14:41.110
  • It's like in Hebrews where Jesus says,
  • 00:14:41.110 --> 00:14:43.090
  • "Never will I leave you."
  • 00:14:43.090 --> 00:14:45.020
  • But if you look at it in the original Greek,
  • 00:14:45.020 --> 00:14:46.190
  • it's like he states it five times, it's like,
  • 00:14:46.190 --> 00:14:48.190
  • not never, no.
  • 00:14:48.190 --> 00:14:50.040
  • It's like he's saying it over and over, and over and over.
  • 00:14:50.040 --> 00:14:52.010
  • Do you get it, do you get it, do you get it?
  • 00:14:52.010 --> 00:14:54.060
  • You'll never be separated, you'll never be alone.
  • 00:14:54.060 --> 00:14:57.110
  • And from that place of strength,
  • 00:14:57.110 --> 00:15:00.090
  • then we have the courage to love out loud.
  • 00:15:00.090 --> 00:15:03.080
  • - Just like Shelia made vows to herself,
  • 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:06.170
  • that she would never do
  • 00:15:06.170 --> 00:15:08.050
  • or never be certain things when she grew up,
  • 00:15:08.050 --> 00:15:10.220
  • I did the same thing.
  • 00:15:10.220 --> 00:15:12.060
  • I saw my parents and how their relationship was
  • 00:15:12.060 --> 00:15:15.150
  • and I saw different environments that I was placed in
  • 00:15:15.150 --> 00:15:19.000
  • and I began to make certain vows like,
  • 00:15:19.000 --> 00:15:21.260
  • I would never do this,
  • 00:15:21.260 --> 00:15:23.030
  • and I would never do that,
  • 00:15:23.030 --> 00:15:24.230
  • or I'll never have that temperament,
  • 00:15:24.230 --> 00:15:26.250
  • I'll never treat my husband like that.
  • 00:15:26.250 --> 00:15:28.220
  • And I saw myself becoming what I said I would never be.
  • 00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:33.220
  • Well, I learned later that we all are products
  • 00:15:34.270 --> 00:15:37.290
  • of the environments that we have come out of
  • 00:15:37.290 --> 00:15:40.270
  • and until you expose yourself to a new environment,
  • 00:15:40.270 --> 00:15:44.210
  • you're never gonna be a new product.
  • 00:15:44.210 --> 00:15:47.010
  • And I had to begin
  • 00:15:47.010 --> 00:15:48.130
  • to expose myself to different relationships,
  • 00:15:48.130 --> 00:15:51.050
  • to healthy family environments,
  • 00:15:51.050 --> 00:15:54.030
  • so I could begin to change my perspective
  • 00:15:54.030 --> 00:15:57.060
  • on how a wife was supposed to be.
  • 00:15:57.060 --> 00:16:00.110
  • And when I did that, that's when I broke the cycle
  • 00:16:00.110 --> 00:16:03.110
  • of being a certain way to my husband.
  • 00:16:03.110 --> 00:16:06.230
  • Is it easier now for you to allow people in?
  • 00:16:07.270 --> 00:16:12.220
  • Are you still as guarded?
  • 00:16:13.180 --> 00:16:15.080
  • - I don't think I'm guarded at all anymore.
  • 00:16:15.080 --> 00:16:17.150
  • Because it's like--
  • 00:16:17.150 --> 00:16:18.220
  • - I'm gonna bombard you after this.
  • 00:16:18.220 --> 00:16:20.110
  • (laughter)
  • 00:16:20.110 --> 00:16:22.090
  • - [Dee Dee] You're gonna be like Holly.
  • 00:16:22.090 --> 00:16:23.120
  • - [Noemi] Just warning you.
  • 00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:24.100
  • - Respect no boundaries.
  • 00:16:24.100 --> 00:16:26.280
  • - Another brilliant thing that I know
  • 00:16:26.280 --> 00:16:29.030
  • is it's a beautiful thing
  • 00:16:29.030 --> 00:16:30.190
  • that God will do with a broken life
  • 00:16:30.190 --> 00:16:32.010
  • if you give him all the pieces.
  • 00:16:32.010 --> 00:16:34.040
  • And when you give him the final pieces
  • 00:16:34.040 --> 00:16:35.170
  • that you've held back,
  • 00:16:35.170 --> 00:16:36.230
  • 'cause it's like, I need just these two bits.
  • 00:16:36.230 --> 00:16:38.190
  • And you say, "No, you've got all the pieces."
  • 00:16:38.190 --> 00:16:41.170
  • Then you're just, you're not afraid anymore.
  • 00:16:41.170 --> 00:16:44.110
  • - You're free.
  • 00:16:44.110 --> 00:16:45.070
  • - Yeah, you're free.
  • 00:16:45.070 --> 00:16:46.250
  • - I also think in the middle of the things
  • 00:16:46.250 --> 00:16:49.210
  • that we face and battle internally,
  • 00:16:49.210 --> 00:16:51.260
  • sometimes we want to isolate from people, right?
  • 00:16:51.260 --> 00:16:56.050
  • That's where the enemy can beat us up.
  • 00:16:56.050 --> 00:16:57.230
  • Because we're far
  • 00:16:57.230 --> 00:17:00.040
  • from those who could stand up and protect us
  • 00:17:00.040 --> 00:17:02.130
  • or bring out the swords and fight with us.
  • 00:17:02.130 --> 00:17:05.170
  • And I think about the fact
  • 00:17:05.170 --> 00:17:07.000
  • that one of our mentors always tells my husband and I,
  • 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:10.240
  • his name is Doctor Larry Costa.
  • 00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:12.160
  • He says, "We suffer in isolation, but we heal in community."
  • 00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:17.010
  • - Oh that's really good.
  • 00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:18.160
  • - And so, the idea that we are surrounded by people
  • 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:21.030
  • who see us in our worst places at times.
  • 00:17:21.030 --> 00:17:25.040
  • And so, last year was a crazy year for us,
  • 00:17:25.040 --> 00:17:27.120
  • and I worked really hard,
  • 00:17:27.120 --> 00:17:29.040
  • I think I worked myself to the ground.
  • 00:17:29.040 --> 00:17:30.200
  • As we hit the beginning of the year, I was so depleted,
  • 00:17:30.200 --> 00:17:34.090
  • I've never felt this way in all my walk with Jesus,
  • 00:17:34.090 --> 00:17:36.180
  • in all my years of faith.
  • 00:17:36.180 --> 00:17:38.010
  • And I've been walking with Jesus since I was 12 years old.
  • 00:17:38.010 --> 00:17:40.160
  • And I remember thinking,
  • 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:42.020
  • "I don't even know how to react to how I'm feeling",
  • 00:17:42.020 --> 00:17:45.260
  • because I didn't even know myself, how exhausted I was.
  • 00:17:45.260 --> 00:17:49.090
  • And I had a conversation
  • 00:17:49.090 --> 00:17:50.210
  • with one of my peers, girlfriend's pastor
  • 00:17:50.210 --> 00:17:54.180
  • and I had shared with her,
  • 00:17:54.180 --> 00:17:56.210
  • "I feel really overwhelmed with the exhaustion."
  • 00:17:56.210 --> 00:17:59.150
  • "I feel like I need to get scrapped off my sofa."
  • 00:17:59.150 --> 00:18:02.090
  • "I'm so tired, and emotionally and spiritually drained."
  • 00:18:02.090 --> 00:18:07.000
  • And it was all stuff that required my attention,
  • 00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:11.030
  • but it was also stuff I did to myself,
  • 00:18:11.030 --> 00:18:12.260
  • 'cause that's what we do, right?
  • 00:18:12.260 --> 00:18:14.140
  • I talked with her
  • 00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:17.050
  • and she and I are both great friends of Holly,
  • 00:18:17.050 --> 00:18:19.100
  • and Holly is a great friend to us,
  • 00:18:19.100 --> 00:18:21.190
  • she shepherds us, as she's been shepherding longer.
  • 00:18:21.190 --> 00:18:25.040
  • And the next day I get a text from Holly
  • 00:18:25.040 --> 00:18:28.050
  • and she's like, "Hey, how are you?"
  • 00:18:28.050 --> 00:18:30.290
  • And I just thought to myself, my friend Megan rated me out.
  • 00:18:30.290 --> 00:18:35.160
  • (laughter)
  • 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:36.280
  • And I love her for it,
  • 00:18:36.280 --> 00:18:39.100
  • because sometimes you need to surround yourself
  • 00:18:39.100 --> 00:18:42.210
  • not with just peers,
  • 00:18:42.210 --> 00:18:44.010
  • but with people who hold you accountable
  • 00:18:44.010 --> 00:18:46.020
  • to how you're feeling and how much that owns you.
  • 00:18:46.020 --> 00:18:49.210
  • And so, immediately I responded
  • 00:18:49.210 --> 00:18:52.290
  • and that week, as busy as this woman is,
  • 00:18:52.290 --> 00:18:55.220
  • was like, "Let's grab coffee by the end of this week."
  • 00:18:55.220 --> 00:18:58.100
  • And so, I remind myself, I will suffer in isolation,
  • 00:18:58.100 --> 00:19:01.210
  • I will heal in community.
  • 00:19:01.210 --> 00:19:04.050
  • - We were not designed to do life alone.
  • 00:19:04.050 --> 00:19:07.130
  • I remember, after I'd been in the hospital
  • 00:19:07.130 --> 00:19:10.040
  • for about three weeks,
  • 00:19:10.040 --> 00:19:11.230
  • and we had group every morning
  • 00:19:11.230 --> 00:19:14.160
  • where we would go around and say,
  • 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.090
  • "Good morning, I'm Shelia and I'm here for this",
  • 00:19:16.090 --> 00:19:19.070
  • and I began to see the power of speaking out what was true
  • 00:19:19.070 --> 00:19:24.070
  • with other people in the room.
  • 00:19:25.100 --> 00:19:27.080
  • There was another lady who was there,
  • 00:19:27.080 --> 00:19:28.280
  • she'd been a missionary for years,
  • 00:19:28.280 --> 00:19:31.130
  • but the reason she became a missionary
  • 00:19:31.130 --> 00:19:33.200
  • was because when she was a young girl,
  • 00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:35.090
  • she was raped by her sister's husband.
  • 00:19:35.090 --> 00:19:37.250
  • And she felt it was her fault
  • 00:19:37.250 --> 00:19:39.120
  • and the only way she could redeem her life
  • 00:19:39.120 --> 00:19:41.010
  • was to give her life to God and become a missionary
  • 00:19:41.010 --> 00:19:43.230
  • and she was miserable.
  • 00:19:43.230 --> 00:19:45.140
  • She tried to serve God out on the mission field,
  • 00:19:45.140 --> 00:19:47.280
  • by herself pretty much, for years.
  • 00:19:47.280 --> 00:19:50.050
  • And she was quiet.
  • 00:19:50.050 --> 00:19:51.210
  • Every morning we'd meet in group and we'd all share things
  • 00:19:51.210 --> 00:19:54.050
  • and she would say nothing.
  • 00:19:54.050 --> 00:19:55.250
  • And then one morning,
  • 00:19:55.250 --> 00:19:57.160
  • she picked up a chair and threw it across the room.
  • 00:19:57.160 --> 00:20:00.250
  • And I remember saying to her,
  • 00:20:00.250 --> 00:20:02.240
  • "Well, it looks like something good's gonna happen."
  • 00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:06.130
  • She finally sat down in tears
  • 00:20:06.130 --> 00:20:09.080
  • and began her story to pour out.
  • 00:20:09.080 --> 00:20:12.190
  • And there's something about, remember when it says,
  • 00:20:12.190 --> 00:20:16.120
  • I think it's Galatians where it says,
  • 00:20:16.120 --> 00:20:17.230
  • "Bear one another's burdens
  • 00:20:17.230 --> 00:20:20.060
  • "and so fulfill the law of Christ."
  • 00:20:20.060 --> 00:20:22.160
  • The word that she used there for burden
  • 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:24.020
  • is the load that would be carried by a ship,
  • 00:20:24.020 --> 00:20:26.230
  • like a huge cargo load.
  • 00:20:26.230 --> 00:20:28.200
  • In other words, somethings are too much
  • 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:31.060
  • to carry by yourself,
  • 00:20:31.060 --> 00:20:32.260
  • and that's why Jesus said, "Bear one another's burdens."
  • 00:20:32.260 --> 00:20:36.290
  • You know, isolation is a very lonely place,
  • 00:20:36.290 --> 00:20:40.040
  • but healing comes when we learn to reach out,
  • 00:20:40.040 --> 00:20:43.160
  • in a safe community, and share our stories,
  • 00:20:43.160 --> 00:20:46.170
  • and have others pray for us and love us.
  • 00:20:46.170 --> 00:20:48.260
  • And I think that's so true.
  • 00:20:48.260 --> 00:20:50.170
  • The enemy would love to get us isolated off by ourself
  • 00:20:50.170 --> 00:20:53.280
  • where he can take us out.
  • 00:20:53.280 --> 00:20:55.230
  • But you're right, we heal in community.
  • 00:20:55.230 --> 00:20:58.020
  • - And you have to be wise about your community.
  • 00:20:58.020 --> 00:21:00.230
  • - Oh, yes.
  • 00:21:00.230 --> 00:21:02.070
  • - Be wise about the people that you choose that you let in.
  • 00:21:02.070 --> 00:21:05.270
  • That they're the ones honest and speaking faith to you
  • 00:21:05.270 --> 00:21:08.250
  • and will cry with you, but they're gonna be flawed humans.
  • 00:21:08.250 --> 00:21:12.190
  • - Yeah, that's true.
  • 00:21:12.190 --> 00:21:13.190
  • - We'll say the wrong thing, I may do it the wrong way.
  • 00:21:15.020 --> 00:21:19.090
  • You just have to be wise, but you still have to do it again.
  • 00:21:19.090 --> 00:21:22.240
  • - There's always someone pointing you to Jesus
  • 00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:24.200
  • and how many times have we been in despair ourselves
  • 00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:28.170
  • and called someone who needed, even more than we did,
  • 00:21:28.170 --> 00:21:32.090
  • and you start sharing what you know that they,
  • 00:21:32.090 --> 00:21:35.140
  • and then you just go, "Man, I am preaching to myself
  • 00:21:35.140 --> 00:21:37.170
  • "and this is good stuff", and you just keep going.
  • 00:21:37.170 --> 00:21:40.190
  • So always reaching out to somebody else in need
  • 00:21:40.190 --> 00:21:43.220
  • when you're at your lowest is such a healing thing.
  • 00:21:43.220 --> 00:21:47.180
  • - Perhaps the thought
  • 00:21:47.180 --> 00:21:49.020
  • of breaking out of your isolation is scary.
  • 00:21:49.020 --> 00:21:52.250
  • It can be scary, 'cause some days you think,
  • 00:21:52.250 --> 00:21:54.160
  • "I'm just safer by myself."
  • 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:56.130
  • And I talked to a girl the other day
  • 00:21:56.130 --> 00:21:57.270
  • and she said, "I don't go to church anymore,
  • 00:21:57.270 --> 00:21:59.120
  • "I don't like Christians, I'll just love God by myself."
  • 00:21:59.120 --> 00:22:02.030
  • And I understand that, but we really do need one another.
  • 00:22:02.030 --> 00:22:05.290
  • If you find yourself in a lonely place at the moment,
  • 00:22:05.290 --> 00:22:09.170
  • if you've been isolating yourself
  • 00:22:09.170 --> 00:22:11.290
  • or saying, almost like drawing a line in the sand,
  • 00:22:11.290 --> 00:22:14.160
  • and you're like, "I'm done, I'm not gonna go there anymore,
  • 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:16.190
  • "I'm not doing that anymore."
  • 00:22:16.190 --> 00:22:18.260
  • Can I pray for you?
  • 00:22:18.260 --> 00:22:20.080
  • That God would give you fresh vision
  • 00:22:20.080 --> 00:22:23.010
  • to begin to believe again,
  • 00:22:23.010 --> 00:22:24.200
  • that he does have a plan for your life
  • 00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:27.060
  • and it's a good plan.
  • 00:22:27.060 --> 00:22:28.140
  • Would you pray with me?
  • 00:22:28.140 --> 00:22:29.240
  • Lord I want to thank you so much that right now,
  • 00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:35.190
  • that we can gather together
  • 00:22:36.150 --> 00:22:37.220
  • before the very throne of heaven.
  • 00:22:37.220 --> 00:22:39.190
  • We're in different places Lord,
  • 00:22:39.190 --> 00:22:41.000
  • we might even be in different countries,
  • 00:22:41.000 --> 00:22:42.290
  • but because of who you are,
  • 00:22:42.290 --> 00:22:45.100
  • we get to come together before you.
  • 00:22:45.100 --> 00:22:49.120
  • And Lord I want to pray right now
  • 00:22:49.120 --> 00:22:51.130
  • for my sisters who are watching
  • 00:22:51.130 --> 00:22:53.190
  • and perhaps even a brother who's watching.
  • 00:22:53.190 --> 00:22:55.290
  • And Lord, where there's loneliness,
  • 00:22:55.290 --> 00:22:58.080
  • or isolation, or heartache, 'cause so often Lord
  • 00:22:58.080 --> 00:23:01.140
  • it's like we just don't want to get hurt anymore.
  • 00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:04.230
  • And so often we vote ourself off the island
  • 00:23:04.230 --> 00:23:07.160
  • before anybody else can.
  • 00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:09.180
  • But Lord, I ask that you would give the gift of faith.
  • 00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:12.240
  • That you would enable my sister to believe again.
  • 00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:16.120
  • To believe that you have a plan and your plans are good.
  • 00:23:16.120 --> 00:23:21.000
  • Lord, we love that scripture
  • 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:22.130
  • that says that you have committed yourself
  • 00:23:22.130 --> 00:23:25.150
  • to bring good out of everything.
  • 00:23:25.150 --> 00:23:27.210
  • It doesn't mean that everything feels good or is good,
  • 00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:29.280
  • but you have a plan
  • 00:23:29.280 --> 00:23:31.130
  • and you have promised us that you will bring good.
  • 00:23:31.130 --> 00:23:34.290
  • So I ask right now Lord, for the gift of faith,
  • 00:23:34.290 --> 00:23:38.170
  • for the gift of hope,
  • 00:23:38.170 --> 00:23:40.130
  • and for courage to begin to live again.
  • 00:23:40.130 --> 00:23:44.060
  • You said you've come to give us life,
  • 00:23:44.060 --> 00:23:46.050
  • not just existence, life.
  • 00:23:46.050 --> 00:23:48.140
  • So I ask that you would do that right now
  • 00:23:48.140 --> 00:23:51.020
  • and I ask it in Jesus name, amen.
  • 00:23:51.020 --> 00:23:53.130
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:23:55.210 --> 00:23:57.180
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:23:57.180 --> 00:23:59.040
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:23:59.040 --> 00:24:02.180
  • We love you and most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:24:02.180 --> 00:24:05.000
  • - Today was unbelievable.
  • 00:24:06.080 --> 00:24:08.010
  • I think just the transparency
  • 00:24:08.010 --> 00:24:10.150
  • and the openness of all these beautiful women
  • 00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:12.180
  • in sharing their stories.
  • 00:24:12.180 --> 00:24:14.010
  • And letting the world know that our lives are not perfect,
  • 00:24:14.010 --> 00:24:17.050
  • and that our goal
  • 00:24:17.050 --> 00:24:18.140
  • is not to live this life that is unrealistic,
  • 00:24:18.140 --> 00:24:21.000
  • but that in the middle of
  • 00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:23.010
  • all of the things that we have to face,
  • 00:24:23.010 --> 00:24:24.290
  • the challenges, the pain,
  • 00:24:24.290 --> 00:24:26.110
  • the issues that life just kinda dishes you,
  • 00:24:26.110 --> 00:24:29.190
  • you have the choice to invite God into that conversation
  • 00:24:29.190 --> 00:24:33.220
  • and into that space.
  • 00:24:33.220 --> 00:24:34.270
  • And that can transform the journey
  • 00:24:34.270 --> 00:24:37.150
  • and it could also bring about the ends that we desire.
  • 00:24:37.150 --> 00:24:40.200
  • - We received this question from Shelly, she writes this,
  • 00:24:43.060 --> 00:24:47.090
  • she said, "I've been a military spouse for 14 years,
  • 00:24:47.090 --> 00:24:50.190
  • "and we move frequently."
  • 00:24:50.190 --> 00:24:52.050
  • "I know many of you ladies travel a great deal for work."
  • 00:24:52.050 --> 00:24:54.210
  • "I would love some advice on how to find, maintain,
  • 00:24:54.210 --> 00:24:57.000
  • "and grow friendships, especially long distance."
  • 00:24:57.000 --> 00:24:59.240
  • I grew up around the world, we moved a lot,
  • 00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:02.210
  • so I understand the pros and cons,
  • 00:25:02.210 --> 00:25:07.040
  • the challenges of moving and the travel.
  • 00:25:08.150 --> 00:25:10.230
  • Can I just say that, for one aspect of this,
  • 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:15.220
  • friendships, it's intentional.
  • 00:25:15.220 --> 00:25:17.230
  • You have to be intentional,
  • 00:25:17.230 --> 00:25:19.000
  • whether they live down the street from you
  • 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:20.170
  • or around the world,
  • 00:25:20.170 --> 00:25:22.070
  • because you can get so busy with your own life
  • 00:25:22.070 --> 00:25:25.030
  • that you don't connect with the person down the street.
  • 00:25:25.030 --> 00:25:27.040
  • So sometimes its not even--
  • 00:25:27.040 --> 00:25:28.150
  • - The distance, long distance.
  • 00:25:29.180 --> 00:25:31.100
  • But I think this is a good example of even her question,
  • 00:25:31.100 --> 00:25:35.090
  • our relationship.
  • 00:25:35.090 --> 00:25:36.220
  • I don't have to live around the corner from you
  • 00:25:36.220 --> 00:25:39.020
  • to have a relationship.
  • 00:25:39.020 --> 00:25:40.170
  • I'm on the other side of the world, it seems like,
  • 00:25:40.170 --> 00:25:43.170
  • and yet we still maintain a relationship.
  • 00:25:43.170 --> 00:25:46.240
  • If I need you, I can call you.
  • 00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:48.190
  • If I come to L.A.,
  • 00:25:48.190 --> 00:25:50.030
  • I come to see you at your ministry or whatever.
  • 00:25:50.030 --> 00:25:52.140
  • You have to be intentional like you said,
  • 00:25:52.140 --> 00:25:54.100
  • to develop or to maintain relationships.
  • 00:25:54.100 --> 00:25:57.210
  • - So it's calling and texting,
  • 00:25:57.210 --> 00:25:59.050
  • and you know, like when Dee Dee graduated, I was texting her
  • 00:25:59.050 --> 00:26:02.280
  • and just cheering her on and she did the same for me.
  • 00:26:02.280 --> 00:26:05.200
  • So I just think it's being intentional,
  • 00:26:06.280 --> 00:26:08.260
  • and here's the other thing, be uncomplicated.
  • 00:26:08.260 --> 00:26:11.040
  • I think sometimes we have expectations
  • 00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:12.260
  • that are unreasonable.
  • 00:26:12.260 --> 00:26:14.110
  • So, because I have friends who live all over, I don't have,
  • 00:26:14.110 --> 00:26:18.010
  • you have to be careful
  • 00:26:18.010 --> 00:26:19.100
  • about having unreasonable expectations
  • 00:26:19.100 --> 00:26:20.240
  • that they're gonna meet needs that they just can't meet.
  • 00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:22.210
  • So, I think, be uncomplicated,
  • 00:26:22.210 --> 00:26:25.200
  • and then also trust that God's gonna bring you people
  • 00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:27.150
  • for this season where you live, to be there for you.
  • 00:26:27.150 --> 00:26:31.160
  • And then when you move again,
  • 00:26:31.160 --> 00:26:32.250
  • there'll be other people there for that season.
  • 00:26:32.250 --> 00:26:35.250
  • And then just be intentional about emailing and texting.
  • 00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:39.230
  • - So two words.
  • 00:26:39.230 --> 00:26:41.130
  • - Intentional.
  • 00:26:41.130 --> 00:26:42.080
  • - Intentional.
  • 00:26:42.080 --> 00:26:43.030
  • - And uncomplicated.
  • 00:26:43.030 --> 00:26:43.280
  • - And uncomplicated.
  • 00:26:43.280 --> 00:26:44.280
  • That's your answer.
  • 00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:47.080
  • - So we want you to join the conversation.
  • 00:26:47.080 --> 00:26:49.190
  • - Connect with us on social media
  • 00:26:49.190 --> 00:26:50.250
  • and let's get better together.
  • 00:26:50.250 --> 00:26:52.170
  • (speaks in foreign language)
  • 00:26:52.170 --> 00:26:56.290
  • - [Laurie] Here's what's coming up next
  • 00:26:56.290 --> 00:26:58.220
  • on "Better Together".
  • 00:26:58.220 --> 00:26:59.270
  • - Panic attacks were happening
  • 00:26:59.270 --> 00:27:01.020
  • about two to three times a week.
  • 00:27:01.020 --> 00:27:03.020
  • If ever seen a panic attack,
  • 00:27:03.020 --> 00:27:04.130
  • his whole countenance would change,
  • 00:27:04.130 --> 00:27:06.160
  • his whole body would change,
  • 00:27:06.160 --> 00:27:08.110
  • and I could see the fear in his eyes,
  • 00:27:08.110 --> 00:27:10.080
  • and there wasn't much I could do.
  • 00:27:10.080 --> 00:27:12.240
  • - [Announcer] Watch "Better Together" weekdays
  • 00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:14.160
  • and Tuesday nights only on TBN.
  • 00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:17.150